It's that time of year again. The Superbowl is on the horizon and teams are fighting their way to the top. I want you to be prepared when it comes to impressing bae or anyone else. Listen, you're family and this is how family takes care of each other. This list gives you background on the wild card game(played last week and contains the two best teams by record, in each conference that did not win their division) along with what you need to know about this weeks game. No need to get technical, we're just trying to be cute. These things should help you get there.
1. The lions no longer roar.
The Detroit Lions got dragged by the Seattle Seahawks. Clean up on aisle five, please. They say it's Detroit vs. Everybody, but from the looks of that game, the only people they were fighting were themselves. By the time we got to halftime, we had already placed them on the sick and shut-in list. It's so cold in the D, but that's where they'll be as they watch the next team advance.
Photo: SI.com
2. Giants do fall, and they fell to the Packers.
The Giants were like Nicki and Meek Mill's relationship, it was all good just a week ago. We were rooting for you, we all were rooting for you. ( well not the Redskins fans because we shall never forgive Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie for that interception. Shout out to Tennessee State though) The giants were all hyped up considering they have Odell Beckham on the team. Maybe if he didn't spend time driving Lyft or frolicking on a yacht, the promise of a win would still be there. Unfortunately, it's not. Speaking of things not being there, Beckham decided to put his hand through a wall and bang his head against a wall after the game. Ummmm can we get a concussion check, please!
Photo: New York Post
3. Brackets are our friends.
Remember when you were in school and your teachers would show you charts to help you understand geography? Well here is a map of the world known as the NFL. We don't want you cheering for a team that didn't make it so, when in doubt just check the NFL playoffs bracket. There are MANY on the web, make sure you choose the right one. (hint: 2017 NFL Playoffs) The bracket will show you who won who has moved on to the next level of playoffs and who didn't quite make it. The score isn't important here unless you really want to impress bae and say: "Wow that was a close game.That's what happens when you have a lethal combination of too many turnovers, fumbles, nd too many penalties." If bae asks for more details. Either abort mission or google box scores. Here's a box score from one of last week's wild card games.
Photo: TSXDZX
4. Two words, Ezekiel Elliot.
Another two words, crop tops.You can always count on Elliot to have a tank top on, he even wore won on the red carpet at the NFL draft. There is a method to his madness and some appeal of seeing his abs. So why does he wear them? Because he desires to be different and is known as the "hero in the half shirt". Let's just hope he doesn't cut his plays as short as he cuts his shirts. Ha! Another good joke to throw out there unless bae is a cowgirls fan. Then abort mission. Abort mission! ( Cowgirls was on purpose. It's really the Cowboys but everyone knows that God is a Redskins fan)
5. Dak Prescott takes jobs.
First, there was Tony Romo and then there was Dak Prescott. Dak snuck up on us. Who knew what the cowboys had waiting in store for them after Romo got injured. It was a blessing in disguise. After all, we all know that Tony "can't throw" Romo wouldn't have led the cowboys this far, minus the two losses against the Giants. I guess Giants don't always fall. But wait, did I mention that he was a black quarterback? This is enough of a reason to cheer for the cowboys if you just have to.
Photo: GammaRay Productions
6. This is not the Real Housewives of the NFL Playoffs.
Since it is not about the wives, let's keep it to the player's commentary and sportscasters. Not to throw shade, but Ciara we are looking at you. We love that you glowed up with your new husband but we don't want you to blow his post game conference with off beat comments. Nonetheless, Ciara will be asked to provide commentary post game, and like her music, we won't care to listen.
7. Depth Charts are your friends.
Let's be sure to call out the right names. Unless a player is injured or on the practice squad (we love y'all too), They hopefully have a spot on the Depth Chart, even if it's number four. The depth chart shows you who your starting players are and if substituted, the second, third, and fourth are up next. Here are few key names on each team playing this weekend. Cowboys: Dake Prescott and Ezekiel Elliot (see above). Packers: Aaron Rodgers and Ty Montgomery. Falcons: Matt Ryan and Devonta Freeman.Seahawks: Russell Wilson and Christine Michael. Texans: Brock Osweiler and Lamar Miller. Patriots: Tom Brady and LeGarrette Blount. Steelers: Ben Roethlisberger and Le'Veon Bell. Chiefs: Alex Smith and Spencer Ware.
8. Some of your favorites didn't quite make it.
Every team has some star power that even nonsports fans can appreciate. Think Colin Kaepernick, Mike Vick (pre-dog scandal), and Cam Newton. We love Cam and his generosity towards others. But, he will not be in the game but maybe at the game, I'm interested in what seasonal attire he has up next.
9.The Kansas City Chiefs have the divisional playoff curse.
If there was ever such thing as bad luck then you got it with the chiefs. I'm not sure who played Eve's Bayou on their franchise but the chiefs haven't won a division playoff game since January 16, 1994. If you drop this gem, bae will be more than impressed. Thank me when your V-day gift is diamonds. Keep them in your prayers.
10. Do not try new recipes on game day.
There is nothing worst than watching a good game but having nasty food. If you want to try something new, reserve that for the weekday, not game day. If you do decide to go there, you have to make the pepper jelly wings by Creole Spoon. Super easy and impressive. All you need is hot sauce, pepper jelly and chicken. If you're not a fan of chicken she has lots of other goodies that are simple and sure to impress.
11.Silence is golden unless you understand the holding.
Do not attempt to be a sportscaster this weekend if it is not your ministry. No one wants to hear you scream, " He was holding the guy? Was he holding the ball? Wait, was the ref holding a flag?" Ain't nobody got time for that. Enjoy the quality time and let bae enjoy the game. If all else fails go with the remix the sentence in number three. When you see a flag, listen in for the call of the ref. He'll tell you exactly what the team did wrong. Now if the flag is called on your team, listen in and scream, " That's a bad call!". If it's on another team, "I'm glad the refs are actually working this game!".
12. Mama said it'd be days like this.
Everyone can't go home a winner and there is no consolation prize for losing in the playoffs. Plus we want to get to the next round of playoff games and finally the SuperBowl. Sorry but It's not quite over yet, this weekend divisional playoffs take place.The following weekend the conference championship takes place and then the SuperBowl. But the NFL is tricky, there's a ProBowl game right before the SuperBowl.
13. If you aren't sure about who plays this weekend, no worries I got your back.
Take a look at the schedule below. Remember the safe names from number seven. Remember the brackets and box score from number three. And what isn't numbered here is the biggest way to get to bae's heart. Try entertaining what they like, you never know what could happen. Bae isn't asking that you become a head coach overnight, but there's no harm in joining in "America's Favorite Pasttime". V-Day is quickly approaching people.
There you have it! Now it's all on you to make it happen this playoff season! It's far from over…
Are there any extra pointers you have that can help the blavity family out? Leave them in the comments below.
