I recently took a Buzzfeed quiz that told me I was a combination between a Type A and Type B personality based on the type of salad I created.

Pause. I know what you’re thinking.

What the hell does making a salad have to do with personality traits, who the hell would take such as dumb-ass quiz and who is dumb enough to believe that your favorite salad has anything to do with your personality? Listen, I understand your questions, but just trust me. First, I have no idea how the type of salad I created is at all relevant to my personality type. Second, I was hella bored, so stall me. Third, like I said before, trust me, I got you.

My results told me that I had a personality that was both relaxed and organized. According to the quiz maker Andrew Ziegler, I am neat and organized, a hard worker and highly ambitious like a Type A personality, but I also happen to be extremely chill and laid back, both of which are defining characteristics of Type B personalities. As odd as it may sound, this weird-ass salad personality quiz described my personality to a T.

I’m super laid back and level-headed but I’m also incredibly ambitious. I need my work space to be organized (or at least an organized mess) and I work incredibly hard in everything that I do — but I also enjoy kicking back and going with the flow. However, my Type A traits have a tendency to overshadow my Type B traits, making life sometimes more stressful and anxiety-inducing than it has to be.

I believe in perfection. Perfect moments. Perfect success stories. Perfect timing. As such, I’ve always been incredibly hard on myself, whether it be downplaying my intelligence by telling myself I failed an assignment or test, to make me feel smarter when I get the grade I ultimately earned. Or even friend-zoning myself with guys that I’m attracted to, where I convince myself their attraction to me would be simply ludicrous. See, my life’s motto has been: expect failure so that if you do well, you’re surprised, but if you indeed fail, you’ve already prepared for it. Discouraging as hell, right? For me, it’s easier to prepare for failure than success because preparing for success requires the acknowledgment that life is not perfect. It requires an internal acceptance that perfection is a construct of the imagination, an idea only attainable by way of dreaming. More importantly, it demands an invitation for failure because without failure, there can be no success.

Thus far, my early 20s have made me realize that perfection isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Perfection is exhausting. It’s tiring and stressful to make an incredibly detailed, well thought-out, no room for error, all expenses paid plan. Perfection is unfulfilling. I get exactly what I planned for. Perfection is boring. There’s no room for innovation or creativity because it’s all about precision and being absolute.

Taking risks, however, is the exact opposite. Wearing that dress I’d been terrified to wear because I thought it wasn’t made for girls my size and getting all the “YAAAASSSS” and “Slay bihhhh” comments on my Instagram post? Invigorating. Asking my childhood crush to take me to prom via text, then sitting in agony all day waiting for a response to get an “I got you” seven hours later? Exciting. Turning down every other graduate school acceptance (essentially putting all my eggs in one basket) to find out the very next day that my number one choice was paying all of my tuition and housing costs? Fulfilling.

Now, I’m no expert at taking risks and I certainly don’t take them as often as I should, but the more risks I take, the more authentic I feel. My confidence boosts, my self-esteem is all types of prospering and my sense of self-security is flourishing. I don’t say all of this to say that I’m successful every time I take a risk, because I can assure you, I’m not. I often fail more times than I succeed, and some failures hit me harder than others, but I always manage to re-discover my dopeness and continue sprinkling my black girl magic everywhere I go. So, to all my fellow Type A personalities, Type A/Type B mixtures or simply anyone who struggles with taking a risk big or small, rock that bold lip or that outfit people said you shouldn’t, shoot your shot with your crush and slide in a DM or two (respectively, of course). Do the things you’re most nervous or anxious about. Get outside of your comfort zone and take a leap of faith. If you succeed, hold on to how that joy and euphoria made you feel. If you fail, cut yourself some slack and bump Aaliyah’s “Try Again” until you’ve rediscovered your own bombness.

Now, don’t complete disregard the elements of your perfectionism because they also play an important role in your greatness. But don’t become so attached to your desire for perfection that you simultaneously neglect the sheer dopeness and fire illuminating inside you. Lastly, appreciate the moments when you learn something new about yourself, even if you’re learning them from a random-ass, scientifically questionable Buzzfeed quiz. Trust me, I know from experience.

Kennedy Jordan

Writing since November 2017 · 2 stories contributed