Turning 25 was supposed to be a huge moment in my life. At least, I had planned for it to be. Funny thing about planning your life is that sometimes you have absolutely no say what-so-ever about how and when things will happen. My 25th year was supposed to find me with a Master’s degree in English and at the beginning stages of building my own empire.
Neither one of those things happened last year and recently I’ve been thinking…..a lot.
What I’ve learned is that I have a serious problem when it comes to investing in myself. You have no idea how hard that is to admit, but it’s the truth. I will push others to achieve their dreams, even going as far as to donate my time and resources to their passions. But for some reason, there is always another day or another time for me to pursue my own. I don’t know why I’m like this. We could cite my zodiac sign, Cancer, as the cause for this need to take care of everyone. We could blame being the oldest and being raised by a single father as the catalyst for my premature maternal instincts, or even go as far as to say maybe what I think I’m passionate about really isn’t important to me at all. The truth is – I don’t know why.
What I do know is that I have put myself on the back burner one too many times. I think I subconsciously expected for things to just get rolling — the career, life, job. I expected to think it all into existence. My karma has to be high for all the encouragement and time I’ve given so freely to others. I thought that the universe would see my energy and just help me get there but that isn’t how this works. The smallest thing could make a world of difference.
Once realized that I lack conviction in my own endeavors, I was able to recognize this beautiful flaw. So you want to know what I did? I bought myself a DSLR camera. I have been craving a camera for almost five years but always found a reason to save the money for something else. It was always, “it’s too expensive” or “I could use that for rent/tuition/groceries.” I kept complaining and getting frustrated about my lack of content, even though having a camera to capture the content I want to share would ultimately help me reach the career goals I set for myself. That camera should have been my top priority. It was like I was waiting for someone else to get it for me. Buying my camera made me feel so good and has been such a huge motivator for me. It was a necessary step that took tons of convincing and planning, but I don’t regret it at all.
We’ll always have reasons why we shouldn’t or are unable to invest in ourselves, but eventually we need to take that step. My 25th year of life taught me that I need to love myself and believe in myself twice if not just as much as I do others and I will never forget it again. My advice to you? Take that next step. Invest in yourself. It’s okay to be selfish with your time. It’s okay to focus on your dreams. You don’t have to let life and circumstance hinder your own growth and development. The truth is, if you won’t invest in yourself, how do you expect others to?
I can’t wait to see what 26 has in store
Sincerely,
Young Black Girl Chasing Her Dreams
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