While in New Jersey visiting family at my grandma's house my brothers and I watched TV. This particular show had two black hosts and two white hosts. My grandma asked, "Why are the blacks talking so white? My response, "Grandma they aren’t talking “white”, they just cleaned up how they talk in this setting, they cannot just be themselves completely especially in such a public setting".
She disagreed with that, saying “Black people shouldn't have to change the way they talk in any setting. People will either like you or not”.
Photo: Giphy
I didn't agree with her. It's the time and place mixed with the company you're around that will play a role on how and when you talk “white”. Talking "white" is not a phrase that should be used when black people have a change in tone or an impressive vocabulary. My grandma wasn’t having it; she shared what she thought were words of wisdom, and we all laughed.
On my flight back to California I did my favorite thing, people-watched, and noticed how everyone interacted/conversed, which had me thinking about my upbringing.
Growing up, I was taught to enunciate my words. Speak clearly and precisely. Know what I mean and mean what I say. Speak with authority but not demanding. Mean business yet keep it light. Over the years just by nature you develop or learn two ways of talking; the "black talk" and the “white talk".
Some of you may already know and are nodding your head in agreement.
But WHY?
Why do we "talk that talk"? Why is that a key factor in our upbringing? Why is it crucial for growth? Why can't we just keep it real? Asking these questions felt like a scene from Blackish and I heard Dre’s voice narrating my thoughts.
Photo: Black-ish
On my 5 hour flight back to the Bay Area, I wrote out the whys.
1. THE GAME:
We "talk that talk", because we know how to play the game. Always being two steps ahead and aware of any situation. Knowing how to determine the outcome based on any interaction. Knowing how to size up the opponent and vernacularly destroy them or enlighten them.
Even though we sometimes hate playing the game, we know that we are in life changing opportunities based on how we talk that talk. This isn't limited to work, school or public settings but in all aspects of our lives. Let me explain the game.
If you're around black people you may talk a little more animated, loudly, with hand gestures and a couple of YOU's right thrown in the mix.
Photo: Giphy
If you're around white people the "talk" is a little calmer, calculated and precise, firm handshakes, and light laughter; known as tremble laughter, where your breathing is a little shallower and the laugh has delays. It's all about perception.
2. PERCEPTION
I was raised with the phrase "You're not better than anyone else, however you are". I'm sure many others have heard variations of this phrase growing up. So hearing this I had an awareness about myself, as well as many of you. If I am perceived to be a certain way this will make or break any future endeavors. Our parents did not want the hard work they put forth to inhibit growth.
3. GROWTH
How many of you have been up for a promotion, raise or anything that would advance you? How many of you have been in a social gathering where you said I'm not going to play the game nor talk that talk, I’m going to be good ole me. Not thinking about the outcome. If you succeeded that's great, but if you didn't what happened? Now fast forward to the next time you had a chance for advancing your career or in a social gathering did you play the game and talk that talk? How was the outcome? I'm sure it yielded different results.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't be you, however, there are variations of you and you can't give too much of yourself all at once especially if you need something in return. You can't keep it real!
4. KEEPING IT REAL
Will ALWAYS get you messed up in the game. This will have you cleaning your desk out, looking for bail money, and all of the above.
Photo: Giphy
In the words of, the phenomenal DJ Khaled. "Don't play yourself".
In life and especially living while black, we have to play a role. I'm not saying whether it's a bad thing or a good thing, however, it's a vital thing. Effortlessly done because we have been conditioned to, we talk that talk because it is crucial.
Talking that talk is a lesson each day whether we like it or not, many of you may not agree, but the few that agree, you understand the fundamentals of talking that talk with finesse and navigating through this crazy thing called life.
