We live in a society where everyone is milestone-obsessed. People are always inquiring about what’s next: When’s the graduation date? What’s your career plan?. When are you planning to buy a house? Get married? Or, of course, When are you planning on having kids? Then, when you finally do have kids, they ask when you’ll have more! It’s like a never-ending, torturous cycle.
What people fail to realize is that the discussion about family planning is a very sensitive topic and a pretty intrusive question to ask. As a force of habit, people might just blurt out the question routinely without fully thinking it through.
Here are a few reasons why you should reconsider asking that almost always unsolicited question:
1. They might not want children
Believe it or not, some people just want to remain childless. They have the right to choose, and no, it is not unusual. This could be for a plethora of reasons. Perhaps they travel a lot, have a demanding career, enjoy their freedom or…just don’t want to bring children into the world we live in. No one should be made to feel guilty or “less than” because they want to skip the parenting gig. It’s great for people to know what they want (or don’t want) out of life. If they’re talking about their latest projects or plans for the near future and don’t mention childrearing, take the hint!
2. They might be having trouble conceiving
This is the first and foremost important reason why you should never make blanket statements or press your way into figuring out why a couple still has yet to conceive. It’s not as easy as it seems— many couples try for years on end before finally conceiving, have experienced loss, or never have a breakthrough.
Chrissy Teigen’s phraseology was so perfect in discussing this:
“So, anytime somebody asks me if I’m going to have kids, I’m, like, ‘One day, you’re going to ask that to the wrong girl who’s really struggling, and it’s going to be really hurtful to them.’ And I hate that. So, I hate it. Stop asking me.”
3. It’s really none of your business
This sums it up in a nutshell. It’s really not your call. Having children is a huge responsibility and personal commitment — very much like marriage or buying a house. Those are decisions no one should ever feel pressured into because, at the end of the day, they are the ones who have to live with their choices.
So the next time you find yourself having the urge to ask someone when they intend to conceive, please refrain.
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