Everyone knows that the father is supposed to traditionally walk you down the aisle and give you away to the new main man in your life. But what if there is no father to walk you? What if you walk alone?
What if you’ve been walking alone for a majority of your life, ignoring this gaping hole. Then, on a random Saturday, you have breakfast with your fiancé and break out in an unexpected cry about the fact that you can’t avoid this void anymore. This is me. This is an issue that plagues some brides, and no matter how strong of a woman I am, I was no exception to this.
I come from a family of seven. I have 6 other siblings walking this earth with me — quite a rare thing in England nowadays, hence me stressing this point. Ever since I remember, my mum has been the one to struggle to raise all of us, but she’s officially been my mother and my father for the past 10 years. Not once did I ever complain about this fact. Not once.
Of course, I found it hard to trust men after my dad left. What girl wouldn’t? That’s normal. But deep down, I had always hoped and prayed that my love story would be different than my mum’s and so many others. I tried not to let this affect my life and even started to believe this was possible. So much so that to this day I still speak to my father. I have no hate or malice toward him. I can’t allow myself to. I want to move on, so I choose forgiveness.
One of the hardest decisions I had to make was who would walk me down the aisle for my wedding. Deep down I wanted my mother. It was only right because she’s a huge part of my being. But some part of me believed I wanted my father. And the only reason for this was so I would fit in with society, so I wouldn’t have to explain to people my choice.
It wasn’t until the night before my wedding that I solidified my decision. My dad called me to say he wouldn’t be attending the wedding (simply because of pride, if I’m honest). When he said that, I don’t think it was supposed to hurt as much as it did. But it did. Inside I was crying, I’m only human.
In hindsight, however, I think this was for the best. Your wedding day is supposed to be one of the happiest moments in your life. For me it was. It’s a day I will never forget. We invited the people whom we wanted to be there and we did things our way, which in today’s society is extremely difficult. It wouldn’t have been right for my father to walk me down the aisle, no matter what society dictates as the norm. My mother took care of me and has contributed words of wisdom to the woman I’ve become.
I would have rather walk down the aisle by myself than let my father (who has no idea how I survived) walk me. Men can’t have the privilege without the responsibility. From research, it’s clear that the men of old took care of their family, so they deserved it — hence, the tradition. But my opinion is that if women are stepping up to the plate nowadays and doing “a man’s job” of taking care of the family, they should definitely see it as their right to give their daughters away.
I believe the privilege belongs to the one who has been responsible for your upkeep, simple as that!
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