College is a systematic way to build your social life by creating a fellowship of people who can relate to one another. When that system is altered, it’s irrefutably compromised.
I learned first hand just how difficult it might seem to reconnect with friends after dropping out of college. It has taken years to learn the actual lesson in reconnecting while spending years trying to understand what exactly went wrong with some of my friendships.
These are 5 of the most important lessons that were self-taught and accepted through years of personal experience.
Lesson #1: You are not the only person with problems.
While going through a period of life changes and leaving school abruptly, I expected my friends to stop their own lives to cater to mine. I didn’t want to feel like the outsider, the black sheep of the group. So, I decided to pack up my problems and deal with them solo. In doing so, I became what my friends called “Waldo.” (Where’s Waldo?) It was quite selfish of me to think what I was going through was far more critical than my friends and their problems. I missed moments that I could have been there comforting my friends for, moments that could have made our relationships stronger, moments that I can’t get back. I strongly suggest making the effort to be well aware of your actions and taking into consideration you are not the only person with problems.
Lesson #2: Never isolate yourself.
Stay present. Sometimes we see our circumstance as a burden to others. Isolation seems to be the most comfortable action to take because you don’t have to confront the idea of not being able to relate. I suggest finding ways to keep your relationships relevant by calling to check on their well-being. A simple conversation can go a long way instead of trying to mask the yearning for good company.
Lesson #3: Share your circumstances.
It’s extremely difficult to share personal matters with anyone. But a real friend will understand and assist you through it. I’ve learned over the years how refreshing it is to just vent. Ironically enough, some of my circumstances were similar in ways unimaginable. I would feel ashamed to share my financial situation. The fact that I couldn’t fund spontaneous trips or nights out on the town and it truly bothered me. And because I omitted my financial burden, I took on the mold of the flaky friend. Someone who was never able to make engagements. When in all truth, my absence was out of my control. As previously stated, don’t be afraid to share your circumstances of any kind, a true friend will understand.
Lesson #4: Be available and approachable.
This is one of the simplest ways to relate to peers, yet it’s easier said than done. Being available and furthermore approachable. Everyone wants friends that they can rely on, friends that can answer the phone, listen to hours of venting/ranting and have no quarrel with it. It’s important to be open and present in your friends’ lives. This kind of ties into isolating yourself and not taking into consideration the fact that you are not the only one who has problems or challenges in life. You can’t expect someone to be there for you if you are unable to return the favor to them. It’s not a ‘tit’ for ‘tat,’ just mere principle.
Lesson #5: Embrace what you can’t change.
I can’t stress enough that it’s okay to embrace change and accept the idea that the life you once lived carefree has in fact changed. I went from a little to no responsibility college student to a mother and wife. There were times that I wanted to trade my child and marriage for my college life again. I wanted to be with my friends and grow into a mature young lady the way I had originally planned. I had to embrace this change and understand that wishing things away will only harm my mental state, bringing about no real resolution. You just never know the curveball life will throw at you, but whatever the case, adapt and grow from it. Never allow it to hinder you and impact your relationships.
What I want you to take away from this article is the fact that there is still time for you to reconnect with friends, even after years of your absence. Take the time to do so. It’s vital to your growth as a person and as a great friend you know you are capable of being. Ready, get set, connect.
