Honestly, they can be selfish

Before you get too defensive of your your ride-or-dies, let’s be honest with ourselves for a second. Have you ever been annoyed when someone in your crew starts ditching girls’ night for date night? Have you ever really hoped that your friend would take your blind date suggestion so you could go on the most adorable double dates with your boo? There’s a part in all of us that loves to have things in common with our girlfriends. Yes, reasonable people will suppress that feeling to support their BFF, but at first it can be hard. Single friends probably want you to be single, while friends in a relationship want you to get boo’ed up.

You stay comfortable

First dates can be awkward. And working up the nerve to introduce someone you’re seeing to your family is a real challenge. But you know that you can rest easy no matter what you do with your BFFs. They are your comfort zone and your security blanket. But hiding beneath that blanket at all times is only hurting you and your growth.

Your favorite spots keep you from new communities and people

If you feel like there’s never anyone worth meeting when you go out, maybe you should think about where you’re going. Do you only stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to? Frequenting the same spots will ensure that you’re likely seeing the same crowd every weekend.

So what does this mean?

Your friends might be holding you back, but in no way, shape or form should you ditch them completely. With a few adjustments, you’ll soon have the best of both worlds.

What can you do?

1. Allow yourself to venture out alone some days. Feeling comfortable with being alone and exploring solo shows the independence that comes with being confident and happy in yourself. And you will probably be more approachable.

2. Encourage your friends to switch up the routine. If you go to the same places, you’ll keep running into the same people you weren’t previously interested in. If you switch up your routine, you’ll likely open a whole new pool of potential partners for you and the crew.

3. Work on being more open and inviting as a group. Not only will being more inviting help you get out of any dating rut you might be in, it will help you to expand your friend group and contacts. Sure, DJ Khaled said “No New Friends,” but without opening his inner circle, he wouldn’t be on tour with Queen Bey. Just sayin’.

4. Join activities in your community or volunteer together. Instead of just going to new restaurants or lounges with your best friends, pick up a hobby or volunteer together. Not only will you learn a lot about yourselves and your communities, you’ll meet people in a healthy and positive environment.

5. Separate your experiences from those of your friends. Just because your friend is married doesn’t mean you need to be. Just because your friend is single doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give that person you’re into a shot.

6. Establish a healthy amount of self-esteem and independence. This doesn’t only help when it comes to dating or friendships, but will benefit you in EVERY area of your life. Embrace it.

*This post is sponsored by if(we), creators of The One, a mobile dating app created for black millennials. To meet your match, download the app on Android and iOS here.

If Black Twitter went on your last date with you, what would they have said? #BlackTwitterDate

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friends are holding you back

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