Dating is becoming like a second job in 2016. A relationship requires great effort and a time investment, in the end you can still get burned before even sealing the deal. Some people are worth the risk and some aren’t. But how do you know when the person is the right one and if they are worth your time? What are the signs to look for when it comes to determining whether someone is committed to getting to know you?
The process can be daunting as a millennial.
Dating in 2016 feels like trying to “prove” to a man that you’re worth a phone call, text reply, date…etc & I don’t have the energy for it
— Shavonta Arline ™ (@iLove_Vonnie) May 28, 2016
We all have met someone who seemed too good to be true. After all the “soul swiping”, you finally get someone who seems to want what you want and is on the same page. It’s going good for awhile and then out of nowhere things change and you start to live out the lyrics of a Drake song.
Sometimes the writing is on the wall and other times the rug is pulled right from under you. If you’re like most of us you want answers as to why. Why did this person switch it up on me? Wasn’t I everything and more to this person? One Twitter user came through with some words of wisdom when it comes to shooting your shot, missing and getting closure.
He outlines how it all goes and drops a few gems on us in the process.
Okay I’m having a conversation with a friend and honestly I feel impressed to do this thread for girls on…
“The Indecisive Perfect Guy”
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
Girls I’m sure a lot of you can relate to having dealt with or are dealing with this guy. I’m gonna break him down and give you cheat codes.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
So!
You meet this guy via Twitter or life or whatever… Seems cool enough. Not sexy, not ugly. But attractive.. Carries himself well.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
In fact he carries himself very well.. So he appears even more attractive to you. Good dress sense, smart, not tryna be the next J. Cole.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
Ya’ll start talking and the vibe is DOPE. Like ya’ll connect. Convo flows. He’s really easy to talk to. Texts back timely. The whole 9.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
Ya’ll go out. He’s amazing. You have a great time. Perfect gentleman. Everything is lit. Ya’ll go out again. More of the same.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
So now you HYPE… You got you a fine dude (he upgraded in ya head because he’s not weird or awkward) and yall really starting to gel.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
He’s a real gentleman so he doesn’t even bring up sex. You thinking you caught yourself a good one. And you have…
Then… It happens.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
You text one day and he replies slower than usual… JUST… Slow enough where you can tell something is off with you two’s energy…
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
He doesn’t call as often.. He’s not as hyped to talk to you. He still likes you you know. But you can feel this sense of doubt on him..
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
This could be weeks in or months in… But you can tell something ain’t right. You think he got a girl on the side.. But nah. That ain’t it.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
You hit him up. No reply.
All of a sudden he’s busy.“BOY you wasn’t busy when we was cuddling and you were selling me dreams?”
-You— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
He had you thinking you wife material. He seen ya best makeup blend and dress combo. Ya’ll might even have had sex.. Now he switching up.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
So you being you… You hit ya girls up and of course they no help… Like you know they can’t really help but you need to vent…
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
You dang near ready to drop this fool and Sue him for time wasting… But he hits you up.
“Sorry love I’ve been really busy lately.”
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
He finesses you with words.
They sound reasonable but you don’t buy it.
He’s sus now
But you go along with it cuz… Feelings.— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
He probably said:
-He’s been busy
-Work stuff
-Family issues
-Needed to think
-Really like you and I don’t wanna ruin it too fast— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
You explain that he can’t be inconsistent.. He says he understands.
You know what you want and you thought he did too. Now it’s different.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
You’re now annoyed because either sexually or emotionally you’ve let him in and now he’s unsure. Why would he even waste your time? Like..
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
He went from a stranger to a genuine interest… To an amazing guy… To… Man he’s serious about me.. To….. “Wait now he don’t know?”
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
And it usually ends two ways…
He dates you out of internal pressure he never told you about…
Or ya’ll have to fall off..— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
The first one sucks. He convinces himself he knows what he wants and convinces you too.
Ya’ll date but he never fully emotionally commits.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
Ya’ll make memories, moments, he meets fam, friends. You like… all the way in love. He thinks he is but deep down he’s always had doubts.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
The day comes where he makes some BS excuse to break up. You heartbroken. He hurt too… ONLY because he hurt you. Not cuz ya’ll broke up.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
OR ya’ll fell off before you end up dating. In the back of your head you’re like why and what if?
It’s annoying that you wasted time.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
SO..
Ya’ll reading this thread.. Sounds eerily familiar right?
So what happened? Where did you go wrong? Why he switch up.
Let’s find out.— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
BOOM let’s back track. You were always fine as hell to him. When ya’ll started talking the plan was ALWAYS not to play any games.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
WE (most of us guys) never plan to break hearts and play or just have sex and dip.
The plan.. Was.. Always for you to be the one.
Serious.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
The vibe is AMAZING. Like real dope. Everything is great. You’re so mature, so put together… We can’t believe you like our ugly selves tbh
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
We go on dates, get to know each other.. It’s lit. We so hyped off the connection we start speaking from our emotions.
AKA- selling dreams.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
Thing is they’re not dreams.. We want this to happen… We legit see you as our girl… Our future wife. All that. So we not lying.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
And because we’re not lying that’s why it’s so easy for you to believe us. It’s all legit..
Everything legit..
But then.. It happens…
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
The feeling comes. Usually way earlier than we tell ya’ll about. It’s unexplainable…
It’s this feeling of doubt.
This “What If” feeling.— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
We try to ignore it but we can’t..
By now you done told us how much you like us and where you see us going and how you gonna make us better.— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
And we know you’re serious. The issue is now we regret selling you dreams cuz… Maybe we need to slow down…
You did NOTHING WRONG.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
Guys.. Just take longer to develop those permanent feelings.
We spoke to you based on temp feelings and now.. We need time.
Lol. Time.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
The thing where we need time is genuinely true. It ain’t a front.
But it turns a future relationship into a situationship REAL QUICK.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
We need time to make sure the dreams we sold you based on temp feelings can actually be forreal…
But.. We feel pressured. Honestly.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
If not by you then by society. If not by Society then by friends. If not by friends then by TV/culture.
And by now we just want you happy.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
So what do we do?
We literally tell ourselves… “I’ll handle this emotion later”
We convince ourselves we’re ready for stuff we’re not.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
We convince ourselves and convince you after that period of uncertainty that we’re good to go.
We start dating.
You ECSTATIC.
You HYPE.— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
You date to marry. He knows that cuz you keep tweeting about it.
So he knows you’re serious.And he’s happy. But deep down….. Man.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
Deep down that feeling of uncertainty never left. Because we didn’t deal with it properly.
And with EVERY day that goes by it gets stronger.— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
By the time we break up. Or fall off or whatever.. We’ve already mentally broken up. Or physically (cheated)
Because of that feeling.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
The plan was NEVER to break your heart or waste your time. But because no one ever taught us how to handle that feeling.
It went bad.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
So….. Guys? Sounds familiar.
Girls? Sounds familiar.How does the guy go about fixing it?
Let’s explain that and then that’s it.— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
LADIES:
There. Is. Nothing. You. Can. Do. To. Make. That. Feeling. Go. Away. For. Him.
Stop. Blaming. Yourselves. For. His. Flaws.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
You cook better then his Momma. Your head game A1. You pray for him. You iron his clothes.
None of that matter for a guy who’s not ready.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
And then when ya’ll breakup you spend days tryna figure out what you did wrong.
It wasn’t you Sharon it wasn’t you. It’s okay. 🙏🏾
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
So if it wasn’t you ladies?
How does the guy fix it…
HERE. IT. IS.
YA’LL READY?— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
LOVE IS A DECISION.
Not just an emotion.
Boom.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
Love is a DECISION.
He has to decide to love you.The only way that feeling will ever be handled is if he makes the decision.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
He has to face that uncertainty and say…. “I’ve decided to love.”
Because emotions are far too wishy-washy to make permanent decisions.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
When he reaches a level of maturity where he decides to love.
THAT… Is when you have a man (emotionally) ready to date and marry.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
So.. If you’re in one of those relationship or have been. That’s typically what happened…
I’d advise you to TALK w/ your man about this.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
It’s not an easy talk. Especially cuz he won’t wanna admit to you that that’s what happening/happened.
But it is SO necessary.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
Get a man who wakes up every day and decides to love you.
And everything won’t be peaches… But you know it won’t be a waste of time.
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
Hope I helped. Bless you.
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
— Not Really (@NonProphet_) June 15, 2016
By the time I got to the end of the thread, I wanted to pass around a collection plate and send him my offering via PayPal. This pretty much sums up what it is like to date in 2016. The games, the indecisiveness and the unwillingness to just admit that you’re not ready. Not to bash my fellas because some women are just as indecisive. The universal idea here is that love is a decision. Everyone deserves someone who is ready and open to making the decision to love us. We deserve someone who if you had a twin, you would still get chose.
