Money, education, relationship status…there is no end to the metrics we use to compare ourselves to one another. And who can blame us? Through reward, punishment and consistent repetition, we are taught how to be, what to think, what to do and when to do it. We quickly learn what is valued, what wins praise and what draws ridicule. We then use this social contract to go about the business of conforming and checking boxes.
Although there is a place for structure and order, things get hazy when the desire to measure up becomes an end unto itself and our lives become so driven by the need for approval that we forget who we are. I’ve seen people rush down the aisle, choose ill-fitting careers and live an entire lie in an effort to fit in. The pressure and effort and energy required to keep up is exhausting. I’m not innocent in this regard, so I speak from experience when I say that this kind of duplicity is simply not sustainable.
The truth is, comparison is futile.
No one on the face of the earth has your mix of DNA. Your talents, fingerprints, your quirky idiosyncrasies —none of it is coincidental. Your experience is wholly, entirely and uniquely yours. From this perspective, the expectation that everyone should operate within the same cookie cutter template is completely illogical. We cheat ourselves when we don’t allow ourselves to be ourselves.
Authenticity is a courageous act, but when you think about it, what choice do you have?
This is the fourth installment of ‘Am I doing this right?’
The transition into adulthood isn’t an easy one. Navigating relationships, managing workplace politics, hitting those milestones on schedule— don’t be fooled, no one knows what they’re doing. There will be all kinds of fumbles, blunders and awkward missteps along the way. If you’re constantly wondering to yourself, “Am I doing this right?” This is just the place for you.
