Last year, Republicans attempted to use fear mongering to drum up support by condemning Black Lives Matter and the movement to Defund the Police. This year, they’ve moved on to targeting a new anti-racist boogeyman: critical race theory (CRT), the academic and legal theory that examines American institutions in light of the inherent racism built into the country’s foundation.

Emulating former President Donald Trump’s tactic of blatantly lying about things he doesn’t understand, conservative politicians and pundits have not only condemned CRT but are actively banning the theory from being taught in schools, as part of a larger effort to outlaw educators from actually teaching about the country’s history of racism. Fox News has been fanning the flames of the fake outrage, mentioning critical race theory well over 1,000 times since March.

While it’s hard to isolate the very worst of the bad conservative takes on CRT, we will dig through five that really take the cake — whether that cake is vanilla or chocolate, we don’t know, because mentioning that might be triggering to our good old friends in the GOP.

1. Trump warns of “indoctrinating America’s schoolchildren”

Listing all of former President Trump’s many awful takes on CRT, or race in general, would be an arduous task so I’ll just go with one of the most recent ones.

Earlier this month, citizen Trump, or at least the person who’s still in charge of writing semi-coherent commentary in Trump's name, authored an op-ed for Real Clear Politics in which he labeled critical race theory as “the Biden administration’s new effort aimed at indoctrinating America’s schoolchildren with some of the most toxic and anti-American theories ever conceived.”

Trump labels the academic theory as an attempt by Joe Biden to “brainwash” the American public. Now, Trump – the man who was happy to have people storm the U.S. Capitol based on the theory that Trump was single-handedly battling a ring of Satan-worshipping Democratic pedophiles – surely knows a thing or two about dangerous brainwashing. Yet, his attempts to smear Biden and CRT are good example of what I would call "the pot calling the kettle black" – except I’m sure the GOP would consider that expression anti-American as well.

2. Rep. Matt Gaetz shakes his head, but not because of his own poor choices

Usually, it’s a good idea for Republican deniers of racism to just keep their mouths closed rather than say something ignorant. Sometimes, however, even silence isn’t enough.

Such was the case in late June when Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Mark Milley shocked folks across the aisle by giving a Congressional committee a very thoughtful and accurate summation of what critical race theory actually means and why it was important for the U.S. military to study and understand the concept. In response, Representative Matt Gaetz (R-Florida) was caught on camera shaking his head in disgust as the general described the need to understand and address racism in the military and in society.

Gaetz, who has still enjoyed Republican support even as he’s investigated on sex-trafficking charges, has been known for stunts like wearing a gas mask to protest COVID-19 mask mandates. Perhaps a mere head shake is a great show of restraint for him. Maybe he wasn’t even responding to Milley’s defense of CRT. Maybe Rep. Gaetz was silently thinking about his own life choices and shaking his head at the bad decisions he’s made. Though given the way in which Gaetz has stepped out of pocket before — criticizing everything from tributes to Trayvon Martin to funding for Howard University — that seems unlikely.

3. Idaho Rep. Ron Nate supported banning critical race theory, regardless of what it actually means.

In May, Idaho became the first of several states to go as far as to ban critical race theory and other anti-racist concepts from being taught in schools. A co-sponsor of the Idaho Bill, State Rep. Ron Nate, spouted the usual accusations against CRT in justifying the new law: “CRT, rooted in Marxist thought, is a pernicious way of viewing the world. It demands that everything in society be viewed through the lens of racism, sexism, and power.” 

I’d like to ask Rep. Nate to point out a major event or phenomenon in history that didn’t involve any of those things. I'll wait.

But first, it would be nice if Nate bothered to give an actual definition of critical race theory in the law he championed. You see, the Idaho bill doesn’t actually define the concept it is banning, which Rep. Nate says is intentional.

“Just like the Constitution,” says Rep. Nate, who I’m 80% sure does not know what is in the actual Constitution, “if you leave things simpler and up for interpretation, then even though the language changes, the enforcement is still there."

So, basically, this ban on CRT is actually a law that can forever be used to outlaw whatever ideas come up that you don’t like.

4. Candace Owens wants to pull kids out of school

Oh Candace Owens. You never fail to be on the wrong side of history. Owens has been making the rounds, appearing on Fox News as well as her own conservative web series Candace, to bemoan the impact of critical race theory on young children – who, I should remind you, are not actually taught critical race theory, as CRT is an advanced academic and legal framework, not a catchall for any mention of race or racism actually existing.

Anyway, Owens is running with this idea that young children are being taught CRT, arguing that “I think it really is time to start talking about pulling kids out of school” to keep them from being exposed to CRT.

Owens goes on in her comments to actually compare the American public education system to the Hitler Youth program of Nazi Germany, which is wrong on just about every level imaginable. Nonetheless, Owens believes that children need to be protected from CRT and the other evils of our public school curricula.

via GIPHY

Oh, that GIF never gets old.

5. Ben Carson wants to just ignore racism (and COVID and trans people, too)

And then there's Dr. Ben Carson, former Secretary of Housing and Urban Development and go-to Black conservative talking head. Carson was asked his opinion about critical race theory during a recent appearance on Fox News. After touting that he lives in an amazing country, and noting that he’s visited 68 other countries  – so many countries! – and thus has the experience to make that judgment, Dr. Carson launches into how CRT only “emphasizes the negative” things about the U.S.

Jumping on the concern-for-the-children bandwagon, Secretary Carson rhetorically asks “Can you imagine what it must be like for a child growing up in today’s environment.”

And then, instead of talking about the children who have to grow up worrying that they might be killed by police or witness the cops murder an innocent man, he goes on to a tangent:

“First of all you got to wear a mask so you don’t get to see people’s expression, that is an important part of socialization.”

Ahem, DOCTOR Ben Carson, why is being asked to wearing a mask in the midst of a global pandemic of an airborne disease such a big tragedy? And what does it have to do with CRT? Sorry, go on.

“Then you are told you may be spreading disease and killing people.”

Yes, Dr. Carson, when you spread disease and kill people, occasionally others will point that out to you. Still not relevant to critical race theory though.

“If you’re white, you are told you and your ancestors are responsible for all the evils of the world; if you’re Black, you are a victim, you can’t make it.”

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you know about as much about critical race theory as you did about Housing and Urban Development. But at least you're back on topic.

“And forget about biology, forget about science” – yes, you seem to have forgotten about those things with that COVID discussion above, but I actually suspect this is simply a lead-in to a poorly-reasoned anti-trans dig – “you may not be a boy or a girl.”

Yep, knew that’s where you were going. Wait, weren’t we talking about critical race theory? I guess this is just Republican greatest hits at this point.

“We expect people to grow up and be normal; we got to start thinking about what we are doing here in this country.”

Yes, with you all making or influencing policy in the U.S. based on this level of ignorance, we really should reconsider what we’re doing in this country.