Whether it's getting the keys to your first place, graduating, trying to land a job or the decision to settle down or keep your tinder account for another month…or five. I think it's safe to say that our 20s can be very unstable and inconsistent, to say the least. As you look around you might start comparing yourself to your girlfriends and peers. She has a new job, she just got engaged she’s graduating, she just bought her new house… and you… well, you’re just stuck somewhere in between it all. The "gag" is…you’re not alone.

The New Millennial Norm: 4 job changes before you’re 32.

Landing your dream career in your 20s can be the trickiest thing possible. Some of us end up in that weird spot where you’ve graduated with a degree and still don’t end up in that career field. Some of us end up in our career field but eventually grow to resent it. I’m not going to lie it's scary, but on average statistics say you will have four jobs changes before you are 32 years old. As a millennial, we're known for our entrepreneurship. There’s a growing amount of young women starting their own businesses all the while still working corporate, and sometimes quitting their nine to five to support their dreams to do and become who or what it is they want. Personally, I have learned there is no right or wrong way to go about finding that career you want in your 20s.

Is it time to officially delete my Tinder app?

For some of us, it’s dealing with “the breakup”. The one you thought you’d eventually marry and settle down with. They had so much potential and you thought for sure this would be the one. For others, your significant other has finally popped the question, which I’m sure is the most amazing feeling. Some of us are still stuck on Tinder swiping our lives away. There is no right time to finding love your 20s and dating can just sometimes feel all over the place. Many of us have types, or so we think, and many of us are just going with what the world is offering us at the moment. Then there’s the few of us that honestly could care less about dating right now.

With all of these relationships come lessons on how to maintain a healthy relationship with our significant other. But rarely do we focus on maintaining a healthy relationship with ourselves. I’m going to be completely honest with you, it took me 20 years to really start loving myself and understanding who I am. I was so wrapped up in finding my “Prince Charming” and making sure I was perfect for him, not for myself but for him. I had it all planned out. We would date until 24, then get married and then have kids by 26. I hadn’t even thought about what I wanted. Let me say that again, I did not think about what I wanted! I was so stuck into societies outlook on relationships and the timing that I neglected the most important one.

I began doing things I love, doing things I didn’t love, testing myself, having full-blown conversations with myself, crying with myself, holding myself, laughing with myself and making memories with myself! Everything that I wanted to do with someone else, I made sure I did it with myself first. I can honestly say after that, my whole perspective on relationships changed…for the better.

“I’m on a new level”

So yes! We all know how great it is to have a solid group of friends in your 20s. You and your girls are taking trips, you’re going out on the weekends and having wine and movie nights, it's great! But I don’t want to talk about that. I want to talk about outgrowing your friends because this can happen. Whether it’s getting into new hobbies, planning bigger goals or hanging with someone new. I am here to say IT'S OKAY! If your friends do not get motivated by your growth then I hate to say it but you need new friends. Growth is a natural part of life. I used to feel so guilty for not hanging out with one of my friends or not talking to them every day when my schedule began to pick up until I realized it's not my job to babysit my friends. The real friends that I need to be around are the friends that I can go days without speaking to and come back and act as if we spoke yesterday. We have a clear understanding that we are busy and we are in grind mode. Now by no means am I telling you to go and act like your boujee auntie from Thanksgiving with your friends, no, because you could be what pushes their growth. Remember it's not what you do it's how you do it.

“Find your purpose, not a career.”

This is so important to me. It took me two years into college to realize the importance of this, but I finally realized it. It is beyond important. The best part about it is that you don’t have to be in your 20s to realize it, you can be 10-years-old or 50-years-old. Once you learn your purpose you will stop doing things you don’t love, and you will be okay with it. Being 20-something can get us stuck at corporate jobs just to pay the rent and the rest of our horrid bills, or maybe just because you graduated with that degree so you feel obligated to work in that field even after losing the passion for it. I’ve read countless success stories about young people quitting their jobs to travel, become yoga teachers, or to volunteer and just give back and 100 percent of the people from those stories expressed they are completely happy. Now once again I’m not telling you to go quit your job and buy a ticket to Jamaica, but what I am saying is figure out if you love what you are currently doing, who you're currently dating, who you surround yourself with, or if you can see yourself doing exactly what it is you’re in school for 10 years from now, with the friends you have, or the person your in love with and not be bored or unhappy. If you find that you aren’t 100 percent sure that this is what you want, you need to stop make a plan and find your true purpose. Don’t let societies 20s confuse you trust your pace, be patient!

DeniseGarsinii

Writing since December 2016 · 1 story contributed