You didn't vote for a Republican, you voted for hate.

And that's why I have chosen to remove you or remove myself from our social circle. So many people are confused as to why minorities, "us people," you know, "The Blacks" as so eloquently stated by Trump so many times, are so upset. "Why can't you just take the loss the way we did eight years ago and deal with it?" "Who isn't conceding gracefully now?" For those asking those questions, and so much more let me give you a slight peek into "The Blacks" lives. For me this can't be a Kumbaya moment or a moment where we all sit around drinking wine, asking "why we can't we all just get along?" and pretending like this didn't just happen, because it did. I can't act like a great portion of our country didn't just vote a racist, sexist, homophobic, misogynistic bigot into office as our commander in chief is downright appalling. If you still don't understand, let me help you to understand.

I was born and raised in Southern California. In a lot of my social circles, I was often the minority. However, I have often been looked at as the "other kind of black person," you know the one that spoke "proper English," whose parents were still married and were blessed to raise three college graduates. They taught us the importance of hard work, fed us things like kale and quinoa (before it was trendy), took us on exotic family vacations and instilled in us discipline with everything from schoolwork to exercise, but most importantly to respect others and celebrate our differences. This allowed me to become a "socially acceptable" black person. The kind you allow your kids to hang out with after school and weren't afraid they were going to steal your child's allowance or take your Sunday car out for a joyride when you were still at the office. I've had more than one white "friend" tell me they keep a close eye on minorities in or around their place of business to make sure they don't steal from them or deface their property, or they clutch their purse when in an elevator with a person of color because they just "don't feel safe."

And these same "friends" expect me not to get angry or annoyed because "they aren't talking about me," they are talking about those "other" black people. These same "friends" think I'm overreacting when I get upset when they refer to black people's hair texture as nappy because they aren't talking about my hair of course, how could I get mad? But you really have absolutely no clue what kind of black person I am except for the 7% of my life I happen to share with you on social media. The sad thing is, you really don't know me. Have you ever taken the time to sit down and really ask me about me? When have you taken the opportunity to ask me a question beyond the surface? Have you ever looked around at the playdate and noticed I was the only one who looked like me? Have you wondered how that makes me feel? Or when you say the Black Lives Matter movement is really a waste of time and assume since I'm that "other type" of black person, I couldn't possibly be offended. If you even knew just a little bit about me, you would know the nonsense you spew is offensive and disrespectful and it is never EVER ok. Yet sadly, the man that a great portion of the population just voted into office has now validated these blatantly wrong assumptions and given you carte blanche to say whatever the hell you feel, whenever the hell you feel and expect absolutely no repercussions. Why? Because this is the example that is being set. If the future President calls them "The Blacks" then why can't I? Not only is this scary as hell for minorities, but it's downright sad after so much progress I thought we had made.

People of color have to be damn near perfect for the world to take notice. You better believe if a black male millionaire candidate for president had three ex-wives (aka multiple babies' mamas), bragged about not paying their taxes, spewed racial slurs and had an immigrant wife who posed nude for men's magazines, but promised to make America "great again," he would not only have never even made it be a potential candidate, but he would have been the laughing stock of this country and considered a deadbeat. President Obama exuded intelligence, grace, class and true compassion for the fellow man over his eight-year term. He and his wife both have ivy league educations and raised two beautiful daughters with the same grace and class as their parents, but people dragged him and his family through the mud. They mocked him publicly and privately on a daily basis. Why? Because he's black. Yes, I said it. President Obama was a black man from Chicago and so many in this country were disgusted by that fact alone that before he ever even took a step across the threshold of the White House, he didn't stand a chance. This isn't me being an "angry black woman," this is me stating the facts.

A large portion of the country was disgusted that a black man and his black family was in the White House. This alleged Muslim with the threatening last name had been voted into the White House (Popular vote and Electoral college just to be clear) and a great portion of Americans we're outraged. Nobody wanted to sing Kumbaya and giggle over a glass of wine in 2008 so why do you expect me to do it now? You still haven't gotten over it. You have given President Obama hell for 8 years so if I'm still pissed 48 hours after that man became President, grit your teeth and allow me to be pissed. Just like you are telling me…Deal with it!

So let me say it loud so there isn't any confusion — I am pissed. I am pissed that my friends or those who I thought gave a damn about someone different from them voted for hate. You might say you just voted for a Republican, you went with your usual party or the person who had your best interest at heart. Newsflash, the only person Donald Trump really cares about is himself. How can my college-educated friends, especially those who God blessed with a vagina (Yes ladies, I'm talking to you), those who are only here because their great-grandparents were immigrants to this country, how did YOU vote for hate? A man who says he wants to deport all Muslims, take away a woman's right to choose, propose that gay marriage should be illegal, makes sexual advances to young girls, mocks the disabled and promises to take away basic human rights all because he can. How can you proudly stand behind that? I hoped that you would be a voice for the voiceless, but instead you let me down. Understand this is not about a republican, this is about hate.

This morning I received a text from a friend asking if I was upset with them because they voted for that man. It simply said…"I voted for the other candidate, I hope you're not mad at me." No, I'm not mad at you and I don't think you are mean. What I am though, is disappointed in you. I am disappointed in you for looking past a presidential candidate's blatant racism because it will never affect you. Oh, what a privilege that must be.

I never lost a friend during the Bush years, but sadly I have lost friends during the course of this election season. If this isn't a clear example of the wall that he is promising to build, then I don't know what is. My strong support for Hillary Clinton was just a bit much for some, and that's ok. For those who still don't understand, let me help you. I can not continue to smile in your face and break bread with you when you made the decision to choose hate. I don't hate you and I don't think you are a bad person, I just don't see you in the same light I once did.

Perhaps you weren't with Hillary, that's fine. You could have skipped the Presidential candidate box all altogether or as much as it pains me to say even given a vote to an Independent candidate, However, if you connected the arrow for Donald Trump, what that shows me is you proudly stood up and supported bigotry, racism, mocking of the disabled and blatant discrimination of those who don't fit into Donald Trump's box. There were other options and you consciously chose hate.

However, in spite of all of that hate, I am still choosing hope. I can't give up because my Mexican neighbors, Muslim friends, black teachers, women mentors, LGBTQ+ family, our safety, our planet and our economy depend on me to fight like I've never fought before. My fight is for my four-year-old daughter, whose future depends on her Mommy and others like me.

If you love me and you voted for Trump, you voted for a man who is so unapologetic in his sexism and believes women should accept whatever comes their way no matter how disgusting and vile it might be. You cast a vote for the creepy uncle, the friend's Dad who always hugged you a few seconds more than appropriate and rubbed your back as he felt you start to pull away. That boastful and sexist locker room talk that everyone felt should just be swept under the rug because "all men talk that way sometimes" has just become Oval Office talk.

If you happen to have voted for Trump and somehow, some way you still don't quite get it, I leave you with this… Take a long look at the picture of me and my daughter. Absorb our bright shining faces and practice saying "The color of your skin and what is between your legs makes you less than me."

Because that is what your vote for Trump says to us.

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Kokoa Jenae Lawson

Writing since November 2016 · 1 story contributed