After almost two years in a relationship, I found myself back in the single pool. I was tired of swimming and looking for the next Mr. Right, when I clearly was floating towards the Mr. Wrongs. The dating scene was supposed to be new and exciting for me, but I found myself settling for temporary happiness just so I wouldn’t feel lonely. 

Now don’t get me wrong, DM’s were popping as soon as the ex and I called it quits, but I was in no shape to accept "hangout" invitations just yet. Fast forward to months later, I figured it was time respond to some inquiries and give dating another shot. Low and behold, I found myself winding up in situationships.

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According to Urban Dictionary, a situationship is basically a relationship that has no label on it. Like, a friendship, but more than a friendship, but not quite a relationship. So here I am, a 27-year old woman getting caught up in some bullsh*t — but it was no one's fault but my own. 

Most of my situationships started off smoothly. We had a lot in common, the good vibes were all there. Not to mention, they were fine. But I’d still get hit with the tell-tale: "I'm not looking for a relationship or anything serious."

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Quite frankly, the men were the ones who were being up front and to the point, and I was the one lying to myself. I’d tell myself, "Well, I vibe with them, so maybe I can ride this wave. Who knows, it may turn into something more.”

Wrong.

Be honest with yourself. When someone tells you they don’t want anything serious, for your feelings sake  —  believe them. It is up to you to know what you want. The point is not to settle for anything less than what you deserve for the sake of someone else. A good way to not back track into situationships is to be completely honest with yourself. Say, “Self, what do we want?”

If you don’t necessarily know what you want right now, that’s OK too. This just might mean you need some more "you" time. Make sure you get your own sh*t together before you hop into something new. By all means, if you’re just trying to have a good time and you don’t want a relationship either, a situationship may work out fine. But if you’re fooling yourself and know you're one step away from catching feelings, take a few steps back. Actually ,  just have a seat.

Communication is key. Look, if they’re telling you from the beginning that they don’t want anything serious, do not pass go. Do not collect $200. End it right then and there for your own sanity. You should appreciate their honesty and move it right along. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve settled, because I was afraid to communicate what I really wanted. We are the drivers of our own happiness, don’t let anyone put you in the backseat of your own story.
I’ve now learned to be open and honest in my communication with people. No more taking the back seat, we have to learn to be direct. Closed mouths certainly don’t get fed around here. 

We are turning into the generation of situationships by simply not being honest with ourselves and not being open to communicate our intentions. Take back control of your dating life by honoring those basic truths. Dating really isn’t that bad, so enjoy the hell out if it! You got this.

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