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The argument on this past Sunday’s Insecure perfectly highlighted what happened between our former favorite TV besties, Issa and Molly. And neither are completely wrong or right.

Issa Has Grown

Issa isn’t struggling anymore to find herself, know her worth in a relationship or find her passion in her work. She has her own apartment, a car, she’s not living with Daniel or leaning on anybody else as much as she once did. She’s also really busy.

She’s been trying to make her block party happen and has had tunnel vision. She showed up where she could and how she could, but her friendships, nor Nathan, have been her priorities so far this season.

In season four we don’t see the gang just lounging at each other’s houses watching a TV show, supporting someone at a marathon they’d been training for, going to a bar, enjoying birthday dinners or Coachella. When we do see the gang together they are supporting one person or another. In Issa’s case, it’s her black party events or a visit to Tiffany’s house to support her friend becoming a new mom.

We also don’t see Molly and Issa hang out as much together as we used to. If you saw one, you probably saw the other. If they weren’t together, they were texting, talking or scheduling a date to do something random. In this season, it’s harder for their schedules to sync and when it does, the vibe is off.

Molly Has Grown

Molly is doing well in her career and at work. She no longer has issues with co-workers and has found her place at her job. She’s immersing herself in her work and winning cases, and also finally has a healthy relationship — the first relationship we’ve seen her have where the investment is reciprocated by both parties.

This season Molly has built boundaries, which is something she never had with Issa. Molly has always done anything Issa asked her to, whether it was driving her back to LA to talk to Lawrence, letting her stay at her house, walking outside of Lawrence’s job to accidentally bump into him and get intel for Issa, go to Coachella despite her huge work plate, taking Issa out to lunch, throwing her a surprise birthday outing and showing up at her kinda-boo’s house to help her bestie sneak into his roommates room. This season was the first season we saw Molly say “no,” and it seems to not be what Issa is used to. With that said, Molly has established clear boundaries, and it’s growth for her.

The Real Issue

Issa has changed for the better. Molly has changed for the better. But their friendship has not evolved along with them.

Issa still sees Molly as the woman who slept with a married man, can’t keep a man and someone who’s nit-picky. She even still sees her as someone that is supposed to continue doing favors for her because that has been their relationship for however long. This is why you see her truly upset by Molly not helping her this particular time in their friendship.

Molly still see’s Issa as selfish, always needing favors and messy. She expected her event to be “homegirl-ish” and was surprised at how well the block party turned out. Not because she didn’t love her but because she saw her as who she once was. Even Kelly said she didn’t think Issa could do it. But this is a new Issa.

They are no longer the same people in their own lives that they once were, yet, they still perceive each other to be the same person and expect the same relationship between them. It’s really difficult to grow and change when you’re still around people that expect you to be and stay the same. It’s also difficult being a new person and still be seen as who you worked so hard to leave behind.

This is why their jabs hurt a little bit more than they did before. It’s why comments are taken more harshly and why they can’t just laugh it off anymore. Their friendship is stagnant and it doesn’t help that they are both passive aggressive. So their issues build up over time. (Open communication is where it’s at.)

I hope they are able to figure it out. I’ve always been an Issa + Molly stan. But if it doesn’t, that’s OK too, because sometimes when you grow, you outgrow old friendships. It’s a part of glowing and growing up.