This season in my life has lead to numerous soul-searching conversations with the few human beings I deem worthy of unloading my emotional baggage upon. The scarcity with which this occurs should be noted. it takes a long time to build a friend base strong enough where you can talk freely and share the deepest or shallowest part of yourself — you know what I'm talking about. By now, you've already divided your friends into buckets based on the likelihood of you being able trust them with your life. These are the people you let all the way in. The group of comrades who tell you the tough stuff because they know that you need it. Those folks take time and dedication to cultivate

I'm getting ready to make another big move in life, and while my decisions have been met with celebration, there have been those one-off situations where the person I'm speaking with suffers from a bout of projectile insecurities, smack-dab in the middle of or seemingly harmless conversation. Don't be fooled by these people. Although they might be your friends, they most certainly do not fall in the 'ride-or-die' category. Here are the easiest, most tell-tale signs of someone suffering from this terrible ailment

projecting insecurities
Photo: Devonnie Black

They are fearful of your good news

Someone suffering from projectile insecurities (PI) will be quick to point out the holes in your plans, dreams or goals. Say for instance you decide to, oh, I don't know, move somewhere far away. You share this news with someone who you would share your last pack of gummy bears with (oranges and yellows only of course, it's the thought that counts). If this person is feeling the pressures of basic existence, they will typically lash out at your joy. Comments like, "Oh my gosh, it's so dreary and cold there" or "What are you going to do about money?" might arise early and often

Sometimes, their opinion matters too much

This doesn't have to be malicious, but it is definitely something I draw attention to when it occurs. I am mature and competent enough to make a decision regarding my life regardless of  potential failure or inconvenience. This person might have valid reasons for projecting, such as past mistakes, childhood experiences, a fear of failure — these can all cause someone to want to 'save' or 'spare' you from what they perceive as impossible or scary. The problem with this is that if they are important people to you, their opinions mean the world and taking heed might also mean having your dreams take a back seat

projectile insecurities
Photo: Devonnie Black
So, for all the people who are insistent in projecting their worries on us; we will not allow our future success to be contingent upon your own fears


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