In His New Memoir, Fat Joe Shares He Once Seriously Contemplated Suicide: 'I Felt Alone'
Another brush with death involved the rapper being shot after confronting a friend about $10 he was owed.
by Aria Bell
November 18, 2022 at 6:35 pm
On Tuesday, Nov. 15, the South Bronx native’s memoir was released and it’s based on his life before fame. He opens up about his childhood trauma while growing up in New York. In the book, he candidly shares two moments where he had a close call with death — one he planned to execute and another that was beyond his control.
“I never told anybody before: I’ve actually thought about taking my own life. I guess now is the time to let it out … it happened during the holidays when I was maybe 17, 18,” Fat Joe started. “I drove off, crying more than I ever had in my life. I kept driving faster, pushin’ the Mustang hard.”
Being filled with intense rage and hurt, thoughts of suicide began crossing Fat Joe’s mind. While driving his mustang, he thought one way to end it all could be by speeding his car into a concrete wall.
“I found myself racing all the way from Forest projects to City Island … There’s only one way onto or off of the island: two lanes over a bridge. I drove over that bridge maybe 100 miles per hour and right through City Island,” the “Lean Back” rapper said.
He continued, writing, “The anger in my heart, the tears sliding down my face all intensified. I felt alone. I started to think I didn’t want to be here. Right by Tony’s [restaurant] there was this huge concrete barricade to stop you from driving into the Long Island Sound. That’s where I was going.”
In the moment, he felt like death was the best option to deal with the pain he felt.
“I contemplated ramming my Mustang right into the barricade at top speed. My car was traveling so fast that I only had a few seconds to choose between life and death as the barricade came into view. My eyes, almost blinded by tears, finally connected with the barricade.”
But luckily, he had a quick moment of revelation. This changed his mind, prompting him to “hit the brake” and not go through with his plans. He knew he didn’t want to die and “had more living to do.”
The 52-year-old artist’s second run-in with death was in an unexpected situation. When confronting a friend at the time about the $10 he was owed, an argument occurred. The confrontation led to the “What’s Luv?” rapper hitting his friend. In retaliation, the former friend pulled out a gun and shot it multiple times.
“He cocked the gun, aimed at me, and shot … I saw the shells dropping to the concrete in slow motion … That’s when I finally took off running,” he wrote. “A bullet hit me in my back and came out my stomach. Maybe it was the adrenaline but I didn’t even break stride. Then boom! I got hit again, this time in my arm. I still managed to keep running.”