Imagine that you were going to steal something — maybe you’d rob a bank, or hit up the nearest Lanvin store.

Or maybe, you’d go down to 7-Eleven. The hours are in the name — no need to case a place that advertises when it’s closed, right?

One Elkhart, Indiana man didn’t even bother to wait until the convenience store shut its doors to help himself to some free merchandise.

The city’s WSBT 22 reports that Michael Coleman walked into an Elkhart 7-Eleven earlier this week and walked out with a pair of sunglasses and a pot of coffee, both of which he decided ought to be on the house.

Maybe he was so tired and in need of coffee he couldn’t think straight, you might say.

You’d be right about one thing — clarity of thought wasn’t in the cards for Coleman on this particular day.

The coffee, you see, wasn’t for drinking, but for throwing. 

Chris Synder, a spokesperson for Elkhart police, told WSBT that Coleman took the pot of coffee and drove over one of 7-Eleven’s competitors, Village Pantry. 

Once at Village Pantry, Synder said, Coleman “opened up the door and threw that pot of coffee and made a comment about 7-Eleven’s coffee being better than the Village Pantry coffee.”

The flying java reportedly hit a Village Pantry customer. 

Endorsement done, Synder said Coleman then “went to the 1900 block of Prairie Street and continued to terrorize people.” 

Presumably wearing his brand new sunglasses, Coleman made his way to the home of some people he knew. 

These people weren’t particularly pleased to see him, and called the police, telling them that a man was trespassing on their property. 

If you hadn’t already read the headline, you’d never believe what happened next.

“He ran into a shed or a garage and stripped off all of his clothes, and then as he was getting close to that garage, he took off again,” Synder said.

Police officers pursued the naked Coleman; Synder says that Coleman was “very, very uncooperative and aggressive towards the officers,” and that “at one point, there was a little bit of a pushing match that went on and he ran from the officers.” 

Coleman’s slipperiness and refusal to come into custody led to officers drawing their tasers. 

But even electric current couldn’t bring Coleman down — officers on the scene said that Coleman pushed one officer several times, and that he fought with two others.

This is a good time, we think, to commend the Elkhart police for not using deadly force.

Instead of shooting Coleman, officers continued their pursuit until they had him under control; they then sent him to the hospital for medical evaluation. 

Synder said it still isn’t clear what caused this strange case.

“We can watch video, we can talk with witnesses, we can talk with victims so we know what happened at each scene … the hard part is figuring out what led to that. Was there a medical condition, was there some kind of illegal drug or alcohol that was involved with this, and that’s what our detectives will look for now.”

As Elkhart’s finest are figuring that out, Synder is in the city’s jail, facing three counts of battery on an officer, residential entry, resisting law enforcement, theft, battery, criminal mischief, criminal trespass and public indecency.