Although the focus of a relationship is on the union itself, they present great opportunities for us to work on ourselves. Our partners reflect back to us parts of ourselves through their actions, reactions and behaviors. This might trigger old wounds, trauma and patterns that we weren’t even aware existed. This can be good if we’re ready to let go of the baggage that gets in the way of our personal development and evolution. Relationships can be powerful tools of transformation when we’re open to them.
Often when we’re confronted with conflict in relationships, the focus is hardly the root of the argument. We’ll focus on why our partner didn’t call back when they said they would and neglect to consider our abandonment issues or why we’re so eager to assume they’re lying. This is when our trust issues are being revealed to us.
It’s easy to blame the other person for violating us, and much harder to take responsibility for who and what we allow occupying our space. I’m not saying our partners are never in the wrong, don’t get it twisted. But how we handle situations as a result of what’s been done to us says a lot about us. We are 100 percent responsible for how we respond. Challenges always present opportunities for growth. This might mean that you will outgrow a person because they no longer share your same values. It might also mean the relationship expands and deepens with each opportunity.
Let’s look at an example: Angelique has a deep-rooted fear of abandonment stemming from her father’s absence and emotional unavailability throughout her childhood. She knows this. So, when she gets romantically involved with a partner, she reveals her issue to them and therein lies the root of the problem. There is no question that they will do something that will trigger her insecurities as relationships exist as mirrors and opportunities to do our deepest, darkest self-work. She might react negatively at first, throw a tantrum, cuss their a*s out, cut them off, etc., but she is soon reeled back in, remembering this is her issue, and that that issue blurs the lens from which she is seeing this partner.
At the end of the day, it’s always about her and she knows it! She doesn’t give her power away by blaming her partner for how she feels, although she holds them accountable for their actions and words. She can be strong even in the face of her weakest moments because she knows they are opportunities for growth. She is fully committed to being empowered.