This week, a full-blown case of misogynoir and respectability politics left social media in shambles.
Respectability politics, for those who are unfamiliar, are a set of beliefs that assume appearance and behavior in alignment with societal expectations will safeguard marginalized groups from discrimination. These unspoken rules suggest that conformity to the often white-standard way of living can be wielded as protection against any persecution by way of racism. These beliefs, rooted in white supremacy, have proven time and time again to be ineffective regardless of income, class-status or celebrity. Oftentimes Black celebrities, mainly your crusty faves who lack bars and brain cells, make duplicitous attempts to be poster children for this mentality and still come up short when their Blackness overshadows their wealth.
Twitter erupted into full-fledged chaos when a video hit the internet showing a Dallas restaurant owner berating a group of Black women for twerking. Kevin Kelley, the owner of TRUE Kitchen + Kocktails, came under fire for boldly, and disrespectfully, proclaiming that he didn’t need the women’s money, and that they should travel elsewhere because he created this establishment so that we can feel good about ourselves as a culture.
"All this twerking and s**t, take it to Prime, take it to Pink. Don't bring it here because we're a restaurant," Kelley said. "If you want to do it, get the f**k out of my restaurant. Don't do it again. If you don't like it, get out because I don't need your money."
To add insult to injury, Kelley’s tirade also suggested that it would be hypocritical of him to encourage his male patrons to respect the women dining there when they were disrespecting themselves by twerking.
"I want men to show respect for how they carry themselves. How can I tell the men to respect [you] and you guys are twerking on the glass here?" the restaurant owner screamed.
Restaurant SUICIDE on camera. pic.twitter.com/9Bkr6q3lyF
— DJ Green Villain (@DJGreenVillain) November 30, 2020
Before unpacking the incredible toxicity of the tirade, it's worth noting that Kelley had every right to be angry in the matter that the behavior he was seeing didn’t align with his vision of how his business should operate. His emotions were validated, but using this situation as a launchpad to desecrate Black women, isn't OK.
In an attempt to belittle Black women through this dusty declaration, he made it abundantly clear that he enjoys policing Black women’s joy and bodies, despite utilizing both to make a profit. Never mind the fact that this little hub of misogyny is advertised as a nightclub, a place where twerking is cultural capital. Capitalizing off of Black women who come to an establishment to unwind and have a good time, but crucifying them for doing as such is a crash course in employing respectability politics.
When we think of white supremacy, the idea of what should be socially accepted doesn’t typically come to mind. The colonization of our bodies, minds and behavioral customs treads so deep within us that we oftentimes don’t realize it. Encouraging ideologies that prohibit the expression of Black joy under the guise of respectability or professionalism is directly linked to the way that race and class intersect as subtle but prominent cogs in the machine of white supremacy.
The journey to dismantling white supremacy must include deconstructing the very ways in which it lives within us and guides our thoughts and actions. When we take part in policing Black joy like Kelley, we fall right in the snares of the very prejudices that we’re attempting to demolish.
Unfortunately, there are still individuals in our community who believe that abiding by white standards of what is acceptable will be our saving grace when that can’t be further from the truth. The expectation that Black women should suppress their fun to accommodate someone’s inability to part ways with internalized whiteness is ludicrous. If the Karens and Beckys of the world had spent more time attempting to steal rhythm as opposed to land, identities and other cultural capital, they’d be able to twerk and it likely wouldn’t be frowned upon. The interspersing of what is deemed culturally acceptable in Kelley’s mask-less public service announcement is a subtle reminder that there are many of us who deem white people and behaviors as the standard to which we should abide.
Aside from the blatant disregard for Black women’s feelings, one has to reflect on how white women are allowed to parlay amongst each other in restaurants with little to no repercussions for their continued racist antics.
These unseasoned and uncouth gangsters are allowed to act as unhinged as they’d like, but the hue of their skin shields them from any real consequences. These monsters have been allowed to run amuck in restaurants and other public places spewing hateful rhetoric until a few tears and half-assed apology suddenly reprieves them. I have to question whether Kelley’s response to this display of Black joy would be as harsh if he were addressing a group of white women. If a group of white women decided to parade around his place of business imitating the mannerisms of a wounded penguin, would he be as upset? Or would he laugh it off and encourage the tomfoolery, because once again, white mediocrity is lauded and preferred over Black joy time and time again.
It’s quite unfortunate that Kelley felt so emboldened in his attempt to humiliate his Black women patrons.
These women decided to patronize his establishment and support a Black business, and he made it clear that he refuses to respect Black women. Again, his feelings are completely validated and should not be taken away from him, but his delivery was leaking with misogynoir. Kelley could’ve pulled these women to the side and asked them to tone down their behavior, but he chose to embarrass them. Kelley may wholeheartedly believe that he should be regarded as some cultural savant for creating a place of culture for Black people, but he just proved that his threshold for culture is measured by the white gaze, and that the culture he’s referencing doesn’t include Black women.
