We watch the good, the bad, & the ugly so you can curate your Fall TV schedule to perfection.
by Ira Hobbs, II & Raven Powers
This week (10/4–10/10) in fall TV really separated the real from the fakes. We’re really good at picking the hotness (#humblebrag), so all of our fall faves are going up like your favorite song, after Drake adds a verse to the remix. Hopefully, you’ll take our advice and give up on this season’s obvious flops, because not much makes you look like a bigger lame than talking wack TV. Here’s a quick recap of what really went off, and what let Nas down.
Premiered this week:
American Horror Story: Hotel – Wednesday @ 10 p.m. on FX
Ryan Murphy is losing. Scream Queens did so badly in the premiere that Fox re-aired it later that week. Only AHS’ reputation is saving it from the same fate. If you’re a die-hard AHS fan like Raven’s little brother, you won’t be alone live-tweeting it. We’re gonna DVR it.
Quantico – Sunday @ 10 p.m. on ABC
Alex Parrish will choose America’s safety over you. She ain’t scared to lose you. One of us was really against watching another crime drama (because she’s lame), but we could only ignore the stellar reviews for so long.Quantico is at least three fire emojis, fam. Live-tweet it.
Minority Report — Monday @ 9 p.m. on FOX
Megan Good has caught her tempo. Stopping crime in a futuristic District of Columbia is clearly her calling because this show just hit a trifecta — every episode has been lit. The only questions we have that need answers are about what brunch is like in 2065. Do the bottomless mimosas refill themselves or nah? Live-tweet it.
The Muppets — Tuesday @ 8 p.m. on ABC
Kermit, Piggy an’em are doing a great job of making enjoyable TV for the whole family. Fozzie had a little “Come to Jesus” moment and Petty Piggy’s revenge plot didn’t work out, but their ratings are growing. We’re still wondering when Piggy is gonna show Denise that her hands are rated E for everybody, though. Unless you’re looking, specifically, for TV that grown folks and the kids will enjoy, you can DVR this.
Empire — Wednesday @ 9 p.m. on FOX
The Lightskin Battle Royale was on and poppin’ this week! Papa Lucious ruined Little Baby Traitor’s dreams of being the next Matthew Knowles, Cookie showed that she DGAF about who GAF about how she gets hers, cuz she gon’ ALWAYS get hers, and Andre was just lost in the sauce. Oh, and Jamal is like the “lite,” free app version of Lucious which is… interesting. Live-tweet it.
Black-ish — Wednesday @ 9:30 p.m. on ABC
The second season of Black-ish has been some of the best television in the game. Kenya Barris does a great job of addressing issues that are very prevalent in the black family and making sure that the jokes are, for real, laugh-out-loud funny. This episode tackles black people’s relationship with medical professionals in literally the funniest, most accurate way ever. Figure out how to live-tweet it while Empire is on.
The Blacklist — Thursday @ 8 p.m. on NBC
This week on How to Get Away with White Privilege, Uncle Ray and Keen are doing the most. Keen is trying to be Russian, she and Uncle Ray took a few hostages at the local diner, and Ressler is sick to death that his mediocrity has caught up with him. Also, the #prayforDembe campaign solicits your thoughts and prayers. That Don Cheadle replacement holding him hostage knows he ain’t right. The Blacklist is a hell of a rollercoaster that you should ride every week. Live-tweet it.
TGIT — Thursday @ 8–11 p.m. on ABC
How to Get Away With Murder is definitely this season’s MVP, but Grey’s is a strong second-string player. Raven was highly disappointed when she found out Karev wasn’t on his way down Fatherhood Lane. Also, Scandal, which we want to love, is ANNOYING. Olitz is ANNOYING. This “sad boy” Jake is ANNOYING. We’re giving multiple big eye emojis to this Papa Pope situation, though. Live-tweet it.
Scream Queens — Tuesday @ 8 p.m. on FOX
Trash. Basura. Déchets. Takataka. Not worth the time or the DVR space or the tweet counts. There’s ill-placed racism, idiotic dude-bros and half-assed stereotypes galore. We don’t have the time or space to explain all the ways this show is bad, folks. Ira and Ravey watched it, so hopefully you don’t have to go through it. Sorry, Keke.
Rosewood — Wednesday @ 8 p.m. on FOX
If a scrub is guy who thinks he’s fly and is also known as a buster, then Rosewood is the television equivalent. Rosie and his partner do not have the chemistry to pull off their wannabe love/hate relationship. We cannot save this show. It don’t wanna be saved.
Dr. Ken — Friday @ 8:30 p.m. on ABC
Nah, fam. The plot, punch lines, and wanna-be-funny Asian stereotypes are weak sauce. Dr. Ken ain’t it. Skip it.