The weather has climbed its way up into the 60s (at least on the east coast), which means that cuffing season is coming to a dead stop until we meet again in September. This originally started as a funny way to let off steam on Snap, until I started getting feedback. I got everything from “Amen, sis!” to “Oh my gosh, really?” From a few dating faux pas, there are some tell-all signs that you two aren’t “talking” or together the way you thought. If any of these strike a chord, send that “this just isn’t working out” or “how would you describe our relationship?” text ASAP!
You owe it to yourself to know your status (and that includes STI testing).
Here are some sure signs that #YallDontGoTogether:
1. They introduce you as their “friend” to their best friend or family.
If their mother or close friend(s) know you as his/her "friend," abort mission! Or maybe it's just time for you to hit them with that "We should just be friends" text before they do.
2. They invite you out on a date, but don’t offer to pay.
Are you asking too much here? No. This might be picky, but let's be real. They invited YOU out. This means you snatched your edges, brushed your teeth and put on clothes to go outside. This isn't about $200 dates or free meals. If they don't reach for the bill, that is a flag on the play. This doesn't mean you can't offer to leave the tip, but paying is also a gesture; one that shows the person you invited out that you value their company, or want to make a good impression. If the two of you are left staring at each other, or they suggest you split it, you are well within your rights to sashay away.
3. They never allow you to capture them on Snap/IG stories.
What isn't seen cannot be questioned or understood. Their insistence that you delete that pic, or not post it, is a good way to question what exactly they have to lose from being seen—or being mistaken for being yours. If they won't even let you drop a hint or tell friends and family, this may be a "relationship" built on sand.
4. You can scroll through their Insta/Facebook/Twitter and there isn’t a photo of you since y'all started dating. Ever.
And while we're on the subject, this isn't everything. But we don't live by "It ain't real if it ain't on the 'Gram" for no reason. Posting your photo or your likeness on social media says something too. It can be an act of acknowledgment or celebrating the ones we love. Again, it isn't everything, but if they post everybody else (friends, past exes, etc), why can't you make an appearance?
5. They only text at “after party” hours.
OK, let's talk. I know you probably feel like you found the one, but if you only talk after 11…maybe not! Hear me out. Yes, you may be a night owl, but someone who wants your time and energy should want to know what you're up to when the sun is out too. Don't play yourself.
6. When you are together, they spend more time on their phone.
Before you decide to snatch up their phone to see just what is so important, ask yourself the following: Why would you want to be in any situation where your value is in question?
Institute a "no phone" policy when you two are together, and just maybe you'll find you two weren't that compatible anyway.
7. Past exes/crushes/boos are always in the picture.
They comment on all their photos, and have even been known to send a few texts asking how your significant other is doing. But if you're confused as to why this is even a thing, that makes two of us. Everyone has their place. In short, don't waste your time if your partner doesn't know how to let someone else know theirs.
8. You can’t mention them to your friends without them being confused.
If you fear that your friends will just throw shade, then you should stop reading this and find new friends. But, if a good friend who loves you cocks their head to the side after you explain the "situation," most likely #YallDontGoTogether.
9. Ya'll version of a date night is always "Netflix and chill."
We get it. You're young, broke and sometimes want to get straight to the point without being too direct. All things considered, there is always a free option out there for you two. Don't settle, beloved. If they have a problem with it, maybe they just don't want to get to know you that way.
10. You’ve never passed gas or burped in front of them.
If you're too nervous to use their bathroom when you come over, or let them see what's under that wig when you wake up, this is a sign. You two just aren't there yet. It may not always mean #YallDontGoTogether, however, it could, given how long you've been together. If they don't want you in granny panties and bonnets before bedtime, they don't deserve you. Period.
11. They rarely compliment you or notice little changes.
Beyoncé taught us about this. You should know better after listening to "Why Don't You Love Me," but here we are. We always want to know that our partners respect and appreciate us. So, no, it is not over the top that you feel a "way" when bae didn't notice that your big chop brought out your face, or that you've been hitting the gym. If the way you look always results in some backhanded compliment, this isn't an episode of "Girls." It's time to move on!
12. They ask for their items of clothing back that you borrowed.
If you remember the scene above in "ATL," you know exactly how this feels. Nothing says, "this isn't real" more than the person you thought you were with, demanding their belongings back. Yes, we know you took their favorite sweatshirt or t-shirt, but this is about sentimental value. If they know that asking for it back might hurt your feelings (even a little bit), and they ask anyway, that too is a form of savagery. You might want to save yourself the trouble.
13. They’ve never let you have a piece or eat off their plate.
Caution: This does not apply to you habitual "let me get a taste" types. This also isn't a deal breaker, but lord knows if they aren't used to sharing, this is the ultimate expression affection. If your partner isn't open to sharing or letting you grab the last bite at least once, they could just have a thing about food…or they just aren't into you. It's worth a thought…or two.
14. They are always "too busy" or "booked" for major events/holidays.
If they make you feel bad for wanting to celebrate Valentine's Day together, or hit you with the "something just came up" when it comes down to showing up to something you planned, this is more about knowing your worth than trying to work around their busy schedule. You deserve to have someone who will show up, not just when they want to, but when you need them.
15. They define the “relationship” as the following:
“Chilling.” “Hanging out.” "Cool.”
But is that really what you want? If you're spending most of your time with this person, chatting about them with the homies and not entertaining anyone else trying to shoot their shot, we have a problem. If you hear any variation of the aforementioned, it's time to decide. Are you OK with what it isn't, or did you actually catch feelings. In both instances, this only works if it's on your terms.
The good news is the sooner you stop answering this person's texts, the sooner you can open yourself up to warmer weather shenanigans, and a new boo who will let you have the last bite. If there was ever a reason you needed to see other people, the idea of finding someone who won't make you feel like your standards are too high, or you're asking too much, is just enough. And if you're comfortable in your "situationship," "talking" phase or whatever, before getting in your feelings, try to remember, #YallDontGoTogether.
