I've experienced my share of heartbreak. Despite this, I'm committed to expanding into love rather than running from it. It's been a challenging journey to accept each man  as he stands before me and not contain him in my box of judgments and insecurities. No matter how much work I've done on myself, sometimes insecurities still creep. 

When they do, I handle them like this:

I'm choosing to be the spicy, confident, but loving seductress who affirms, “I know you’re worthy of my love, but when you remember you’re worthy come get this," over the nice, timid, careful-not-to-piss-anyone-off little girl who says, “Are you ok? Are we ok? Was it something I said or did?”

The seductress affirms my power while the little girl questions it, is afraid of it. She needs to feel safe, secure, loved and protected, otherwise she’ll start throwing tantrums and neither my partner nor I want that

She hasn’t yet learned that she’s always safe, secure, loved and protected. The seductress knows this. She acts as the protectress to my inner child, reminding her of who she is and that she has everything she needs already

Source: healthyblackwoman.com
Photo: Healthy Black Woman
Unlike the little girl, the seductress sees my partner's behavior for what it is. It’s never personal. He is only projecting his fears, allowing his inner child to run the show. I started to reflect him with my inner child; good thing this wasn’t done out loud! It's a learning experience about the dynamics between partners in romantic spaces. I can take someone's actions and silence the wrong way. I sometimes take things personally and end up in these uncomfortable spaces having unnecessary spats simply because I'm unable to silence my own insecurities long enough to hear my partners


But when I channel my inner seductress to fight my insecurities, I'm able to say "Nah, not today!"