I, in no way, throw the word “terrorists” around lightly; although I should. Someone should start calling a spade a spade, and not “a lone wolf” and “mentally unstable.” However, thanks to a woke Facebook friend, I started wondering if I even knew what a terrorist was in the first place. I was 10 years old on September 11, 2001. I learned from America that a terrorist was a hateful foreigner that hated America so much, they were willing to snuff out everything in the land of the free.

I am 26 years old now, and I think 10 year-old-me was fed a bunch of B.S. Terrorism is what happened in New York: a hateful person terrorizing innocent people. Las Vegas: a hateful person terrorizing innocent people. Pulse: a hateful person terrorizing innocent people. Charleston: a hateful person terrorizing innocent people.

There are more and more instances of domestic terrorism, specifically targeting the “other,” every day, so maybe our attention should shift inward. As a matter of fact, just this week, there have been so many passive aggressive hate crimes, I’m starting to think the average terrorist is just a hateful person who does slick 'ish in the dark.

So, being the person I am, here is a callout of the snakes in the grass that recently made someone else’s life hell. It just so happens I have found four people who have subjected black people (gives me more ammo) to emotional terrorism.

You might not be going to Guantanamo, but you gone get this roast today.

1. Papa John’s

The first in line for these hands is Papa John’s CEO John Schnatter for blaming disappointing pizza sales on the NFL’s poor leadership abilities and “polarizing” controversy. In black, that means, “I can’t sell this dry ahh pizza because everybody and they mama takin’ a knee today.” Nah, bruh. It’s a little deeper than that. Black folks stopped eating Papa John’s a long time ago. If your wings are smaller than loose change, we’re out. You ain’t our daddy; shut up.

Some folks believe the steam will blow over from this in a few weeks, like the summer ‘12 Chick-fil-A scandal (which I never forgave y’all for), but the survey says no. Papa John’s lost $70 million dollars in one day due, in large, to OG John’s questionable politics, but also because, DO NOT COME FOR BLACK FOLKS IN 2017. We busted them Timbs out in July just so we could curb stomp the patriarchy. Papa John’s, you’re basically McDonald’s in a Twitter fight with Wendy’s right now. The door.

2. A Racist Cop (can be interchanged with a new one each week; maybe two)

University of Nevada, Reno gone need a lot more than some smiling black folks on their recruitment flyers after this week. Chief Adam Garcia won’t be facing any disciplinary actions for dressing in an undeniably Jim Crow Vaudeville Show Colin Kaepernick Halloween costume. This man got some serious issues with black folks. Here’s the photo, but don’t look at it if you’re in a "knuck if you buck" kinda mood. This photo is sure to make you “my name ain’t Toby; it’s Kunta, bih” mad.

Chief Garcia offered a cheap apology, but he will probably be back on campus terrorizing young black folks trying to get a decent education. Shame on you, UNR. And shame on whoever was in the presence of this man and said nothing to him about the offensiveness of every aspect of this costume. Not only did it play on racial stereotypes of black folks, it was also just plain tacky. Again, if you’re going to come for black excellence in 2017, you really need to have a game plan. We’ve been in the dugouts since 1619, and we want this win more than the Dodgers wanted the World Series.

3. This trash St. Louis law that killed a 10-year-old black boy’s educational joy

Edmund Lee, a courageous 10-year-old black boy, was forced to ask the Supreme Court to overrule an antiquated St. Louis integration plan that restricts black students from enrolling in a public school in a Maryland Heights community. The plan allows open enrollment for white, Latinx and Asian students, but places extremely racist limitations on black students seeking to transfer. In short, Edmund and his family moved and he was told he could not come back to a charter school he was already enrolled in because he’s black. If that ain’t racism, I hang up my afro. I’m outdone!

I wish I could say this story and headline read like an antiquated romance novel, but racism is real and rampant in the education system. As a matter of fact, check out my number four pick.

4. Brianna Brochu

Baby girl. Never since Rachel Dolezal has Black Twitter come together like a swarm of Beyhive Bees to protect our own — but when you decided to rage a stealthy terrorist attack against Jazzy Rowe, you did not know it, but you were calling the spirit of a million unpaid 40 acres and mules.

On Saturday, October 28, Black Panther himself went down to Hartford, Connecticut and escorted Miss Brochu to the courthouse where all of Wakanda hopes she will never return. Brochu’s crime: in an apparent attempt to force her roommate Chennel “Jazzy” Rowe out of the dorm room they shared, Brochu rubbed used tampons on Rowe’s bag, poured moldy clam chowder in her lotion, licked her eating utensils and stuck her toothbrush up her nasty ass. Literally. She was only caught because she left a social media paper trail back to the spot in hell she was occupying. Apparently this had been going on for months, causing Rowe to become ill, miss classes and feel incredibly isolated in her own living space.

Now, Jazzy took to Facebook to share with the world that the university was shockingly less than helpful. Jazzy threw up the Black Symbol, and we came running. After pressure from social media and a campus full of angry black students, the president of The University of Hartford issued a statement announcing Brochu’s expulsion. Great. Thanks. AFTER WE DID ALL THE WORK.

In this category, not only is Brochu a PA Terrorist, but so is the administration at this university. Being a freshman is already hard enough, but being racially profiled and enduring silent hate crimes in your own space is dreadful! Before anyone makes this “not about race,” Brochu referred to her roommate as Jamaican Barbie and took mocking photos of Rowe’s weave accessories. Race is all up in this, and you know it is. I hope you’re happy, Brianna. You’re probably gonna have another roommate in a few months. I hope she’s not a black woman who eats clam chowder, cause it’s going somewhere worse than your lotion.

I’m thinking of holding on to this list. My horoscope said I’d be fighting a not so post-racial America for a little while longer, so I might need to update this next week…

Professional Clapback

Get relevant content delivered to you once a week