April 30th, 2016: I graduated with my B.A. in English from FAMU. 

A year ago, I would have rather been dead than admit that I had no idea what life meant after graduation. To say that this last year has been a journey is an understatement. I have been rebuilt, in many ways, to reflect the authenticity of my nature. So much of myself and the illusions I continued to believe have fallen away.

Usually, a hero is someone who exists outside of us. This person is a manifestation of the honorable traits we wish to have one day. Heroes save us from the world in our vulnerable moments. To some, Beyonce is their hero because she is Beyonce.  And to others, President Obama is the perfect illustration of how to overcome.  Any and everybody can be a hero, yet how many of us look to ourselves for strength? I have known countless heroes, and they have all acted as saviors when I needed one. Yet cliché enough, I am my biggest hero because I have watched myself lose to win countless times.

A few weeks ago I realized that life happens in cycles. Fall is when the universe prepares us for death. Winter brings death. Spring brings birth, and Summer brings us to the climax of the journey. I realized that all the good I had affirmed in my life was not going to come until I let go of the painful experiences that no longer served me. The reality I created was one of death, survival, and wanting. I don't choose that anymore. I choose life. People are dying every day because of stress, anxiety, depression, dissatisfaction, and loneliness. Sometimes I am so sure that tomorrow is mine, but that is the biggest illusion sold as a dream. I don't know what the next five minutes will bring me. I can only go into the depths of my mind and heart and believe in the lessons.

Every day I have engaged in a conversation with myself and the universe. I am always trying to figure out what my next move should look like. For awhile I wanted to move so bad, but I found so much peace in the "waiting space". Life needed to shake for me- I didn't want to accept my process. I was being rebuilt, remastered, and rebirthed. I always thought death came in one way, but I have experienced a darkness so satisfying. To think that we are here to survive is silly and a mockery of existence- we are here to live our best lives every day even when things don't look like they are going our way. 

After graduation, I had a job doing what I loved. I lost that job. I felt worthless, hopeless, and shitty.Things kept falling apart. The support that I believed I needed, I didn't get. The love I wanted to feel was absent. The peace that I thought came from outside of me didn't exist. My world was falling apart.

Now. 

I am not working for a huge company like some of my peers. I don't have the man of my dreams.  I am still unemployed and have yet to get my diploma from FAMU. None of that matters. None of that defines me. None of that determines what my future will look like. All I have is now. All I have is faith. All I have is a story to tell. 

Chaos brings peace. I'm writing a new book on my life and it looks nothing like yesterday. It doesn't matter what I look like or where I am from, nothing outside of myself matters. Everything that I am building comes from within. My next 200 feet are beautiful, and my next move will be one of freedom.