The Lack Of Love For Mr. Nice Guy And The Guilt That Followed
May 08, 2017 at 8:52 pm
A majority of women have experienced their fair share of a**holes when it comes to the dating scene. Mistreatment or lack of interest has us running to our friends and coworkers when in need of venting, advice, and some good ole reassurance. What can be worse than a confused beau who has no idea what he wants? Well having the shoe on the other foot is quite a b**ch.
Mr. Nice Guy was perfect, attentive, kind, and remembered all the insignificant facts from my birthday to work annoyances. He sent random "checking in" texts and never failed to compliment or shower me with attention. The only issue was I didn't like him. Yes, you heard right, I didn't like him. There were no butterflies or constant day dreaming, and no excitement to be in his presence. My mood wouldn’t lighten up with a text or call. I unconsciously placed him in the friend zone before anything could be established.
I liked him as a person but felt romantically crippled.
I'm typically a very affectionate person; always willing to kiss and cuddle, but the desire was not there. Passionate kisses and late night cuddle sessions were completely foreign in this relationship.
The interest was obviously dead and with the lack of like came extreme bouts of guilt. I would force myself to reach out and follow up. "Why can't I like him," I would often ponder. Maybe the feelings would develop with time, but disinterest and the lack of energy from pretending started to rare its ugly head.
With all this stress and confusion came a revelation. Why was I obligated to like this man? Our society is afraid to reject men. As women, we feel as if we are not allowed to state disinterest. There always has to be an excuse for male rejection. "Oh I have a boyfriend," is the first response to a catcall instead of "I'm really not interested."
This mentality is often intensified when we experience proper treatment. Due to our emotional nature, women often make the mistake of feeling that we owe something when treated properly. This is not the case; respect is the only thing that needs to be reciprocated in all relationships.
My recently married cousin gave sound advice when it came to love and relationships. "Love is easy," she said. When you find the one, you're both ready, there are no games and no confusion. This statement was a perfect indication that Mr. Nice Guy just simply wasn't the one for me. Regardless of his kindness and sweet ways I wasn't obligated to be with him.
With this new found knowledge, I took the coward way out (yeah I’m kind of a jerk) and slowly tapered off all communication with Mr. Nice Guy.
Through this whole ordeal, I felt a bit more understanding for all those "confused jerks" from my past. I'm not excusing men who knowingly string women along, but I have an understanding for the devil of confusion and simply not wanting to hurt a good person. Being the dumpee hurts, but I rather the pain opposed to the guilt of the dumper. You can have your shoe back now…