23-Year-Old Mother Reveals The Struggles Of Loving 'A Child You Didn’t Plan To Have'

Olivyah Bowens’ transparency ignited a discussion which needs to occur.

Photo credit:Photo: Instagram

| August 01 2018,

7:04 pm

There's something to be said about being able to speak in your truth as a black woman, even the parts that may be uncomfortable because, above all, these moments are human.

One particular mother, 23-year-old Olivyah Bowens, decided to use social media to get real in a way typically barred to mothers, particularly black mothers. The doula, based in Puerto Rico is a mother of two, according to Yahoo Lifestyle.



No one teaches you how to love a child you didn't plan to have. No one shows you how to traverse the emotional complexity of loving a child you weren't happy about being pregnant with. It's even more difficult at those times when they're having tantrums and pushing you to a point of emotional exhaustion. ... It's confusing. When the same people who told you that you pretty much ruined your life are smiling ear to ear at your baby shower a few months later. It's hard.. Looking at a beautiful baby and being bogged down by the thoughts of how you will take care of them and how much life will change. It's so easy.. To project the pain of your wounded inner child onto your baby. It is the lethal cycle of undealth with trauma. ... This stage of motherhood has forced me to look at my reflection in my daughter's eyes and realize that no I don't enjoy being a mother all the time, but this child has been the catalyst for major growth. She is the mirror that allows me to look into my past and see the fears still controlling me now. ... When we heal our deepest pains we are speaking to our ancestors across the space time illusion and holding a cross-generational conversation within our dna that heals old wounds and rectifies long lost problems. Motherhood hasn't just healed me it's healed the mother's that came before me. ... The reality is I don't want to be a mother everyday. I don't want to feel held back from chasing my dreams and goals. I don't want to be exhausted. But I KNOW this little girl has brought me face to face with things that would have otherwise been ignored in my bubble of childless freedom. ... Dear mama, who is going through an unplanned pregnancy, don't feel guilty, don't feel afraid, don't feel ashamed. That baby chose YOU to be it's mothers at the perfect time. Surrender to the journey of unpredictability and let this new being show you a whole new part of yourself you didn't know was there. 🦋#takebackpostpartum #thefourthtrimester #motherhoodunplugged #birthofamama #blackmomsblog #milenialmom A post shared by Olivyah (@herholisticpath) on
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“This stage of motherhood has forced me to look at my reflection in my daughter’s eyes and realize that no I don’t enjoy being a mother all the time, but this child has been the catalyst for major growth,” she continued. “She is the mirror that allows me to look into my past and see the fears still controlling me now. … The reality is I don’t want to be a mother every day. I don’t want to feel held back from chasing my dreams and goals. I don’t want to be exhausted. But I KNOW this little girl has brought me face to face with things that would have otherwise been ignored in my bubble of childless freedom.”

“Dear mama, who is going through an unplanned pregnancy, don’t feel guilty, don’t feel afraid, don’t feel ashamed,” she wrote. “That baby chose YOU to be its mothers at the perfect time. Surrender to the journey of unpredictability and let this new being show you a whole new part of yourself you didn’t know was there.”



Lately i haven't been responding to comments under my posts. I've been slow to reply to emails. I've been avoiding my DMs. I've been asking myself why have I cut so much work out for myself? Why am I so passionate about breaking myths and spreading truth? Why can't I just chill out... As I move through these shifts I realize that spreading myself too thin is of service to no one. So if I don't respond to your comment, DM, or email in a timely manner it's because I've been taking a serious look at my level of self-care. If I can't take care of me I can't take care of my seeds. I don't ever want to look back and think, I should have been more present with my children then worried about my social media presence. ... I'm not quitting. I'm not giving up. But I am reprioritizing. If you have a urgent message send an email. Otherwise, I'll be taking a step back from responding immediately. Also, be on the look out for videos that answer your questions. I'll be using the questions that people DM me as inspiration for YouTube videos. ... Happy eclipse🌙 stay growing. A post shared by Olivyah (@herholisticpath) on
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Now, check these out:

Why Black Mothers Are The Source And Strength Of The Black Millennial

21 Black Mama Sayings That We All Grew Up Hearing

EXCLUSIVE: New York City's Black Mothers Are Dying At Alarming Rates. Here's What The City Is Actually Doing About It.