Loving During Corona: Why Intimacy Matters Even Though We Are Physically Limited
How do we continue to love and build even amid the chaos?
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The term cabin fever has taken on new life in 2020. We find ourselves in a state of gazing at the same people and the same walls. Our Chipotle lunches, mimosa brunches and happy hour meetups have come to a halt. I personally couldn't believe Black Twitter organized a Beyonce ‘Homecoming’ watch party meetup.
COVID-19, also known as the coronavirus, has put many of us in some new positions. Did you ever think you would see your children, significant other or parents as much as you have in the last week?
Being married during this time has brought to light how much I needed to reconnect with my wife. Being go-getters, parents to two young superheroes and socialites have us often passing by in the wind. For some, this is a time of rest and restoration, while others may be anxious about health or financially burdened as businesses shutter. I am here to drop off some tips on reconnecting during this time in history.
How do we cope during this time? How do we replace the lack of a physical connection? How do we continue to love and build even amid the chaos?
An anonymous quote says, "The first thing you should know about me is that I am not you. A lot more will make sense after that."
We all handle these moments differently. I want to share some thoughts on how we can manage our relationships during this time.
To Sex it Up Or Naw?
Doing the humpy dance with your partner during this time might be taboo for some of you. The fear of sexing each other down may ring true if your partner works in an environment that carries a risk to some degree. But we still need a connection. Physical or not. Whether it is a quicky for breakfast, lunch and dinner, laying up while endlessly streaming Netflix movies or holding hands more than ever, bonding is essential.
Thinking about expanding your family? Maybe it's time to create a "Rona Generation Baby."
If you are single or just beginning to date someone, this is a time to build slowly without the bedroom. In my new book ‘How To Find Your Soulmate in 90 Days,’ I discuss the importance of saving the climax for commitment. I believe, in my experience as a relationship coach and as a man, that we have to be careful with idle time because it often turns into decisions of impulses we regret later. Survey and question your behavior this past week. Has more free time meant buying things you don't need, sudenly eating poorly, more DMs, reconnecting with old lovers or socially distancing yourself from what's best for you? Keep it real.
Step Away From The Phone
"Tuh, please! I need all the information I can get, Mr."
Of course, as knowledge seems to be shifting daily from the Presidential pulpit to the conspiracies of the internet, we are inundated with news. Setting the phone away does not change the reality we are facing. We are slowing down to a crawl, and other people are going to continue being sick for some time.
Stepping away from the mobile device allows us to rekindle conversations we never finished, learn something unique about the people in our own home and maybe pick up the hobby we always wanted to start. I've tried to look at my iPhone less and less as the days go by because I was finding myself being sucked into the disappointment of other people's decisions while there was joy all around me.
Make The Call
Again, I don't want to assume everyone is at home relaxing with no worries. But, this is the time to catch up with the people you love.
I've always been hit and miss with communicating with my brother over the years for various reasons. I missed the inside jokes and discussions on matters we have loved since childhood. My concern element has risen, and so has my texting. From raising the Black fist emoji to ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ GIF's, I am locking in on building with him while I have the time. I am checking on anyone I can with simple messages such as, "Hey beloved, how are you? Do you need anything during this time?"
I read a few years ago that compassion and attention go a long way toward making other people happy. Have you noticed within the sphere of social media we are connected more even though we are distant physically? Because whenever times get tight around these parts, we gather ourselves into pieces of love. I am looking for ways to connect and show care for one another. Picking up the phone, whether dialing or texting, can build bridges we can cross in our relationships for years to come starting today.
Connecting doesn't have to mean physically. Maybe it's an excellent time to build in a 2020 way. Perhaps proximity isn't as crucial as we required it to be to stay close and intimate with someone. Maybe we can pull a handful of positive ideals from this time to be used forever. Worse scenario, we can create some babies, watch the best Black movies from the '90s and go through some old photo albums.