Okay, I’ll be the first to admit…I have a problem. I LOVE TRASH TV!!! I love the drama, the glitz, the corny and predictable plot lines, etc. I love it. So, of course last Sunday night I was tuned in like the rest of the world to the RHOA (real housewives of atlanta) reunion. As the promos showed, there was no shortage of drama. My favorite housewife (Phaedra Parks, esq.) was engaged, once again, with her nemesis Kenya Moore. Kenya was demanding an apology from Phaedra for calling her “a whore”. Phaedra also choose to believe that her (hopefully soon-to-be ex) husband was propositioned by Kenya for fellatio (oral sex). This was later proven to be untrue, which is why Kenya was looking for an apology.
Sounds fair, right?…. But wait, the plot thickens!
If you, like me, have been watching the show since season one, then you already have an idea of Kenya’s personality. She is beautiful, intelligent, talented, fun-loving and witty. Nevertheless,her behavior on the show grants her many a side eye. Especially, in relation to other women on the show. In fact, her antics actually take away from her outward awesomeness. I enjoy watching the show, so I was definitely intrigued by Kenya. Like, what’s her deal? She seemed to have it goin’ on, at least on paper. So I got to thinking, why? Why is she so set to attack this woman? Why does she attack other women on the show?
Then, a eureka moment.
Kenya revealed that she was the child of teen mother, who has never acknowledged her existence. Her mother never even named her. My first thought was, “Damn. That’s messed up”. And it is messed up. Can you imagine how hurt and angry she must have felt as a kid? To literally be in the same room as your mother, and you can’t even call her ‘mom’? To say ‘mama’ and to be ignored? Can you even begin to comprehend how this would shape your view on other women? How you handle rejection? What you would do to be heard and acknowledged? And that no matter what substitute comes along, it still isn’t enough to fill that hole in your heart?. You will find yourself constantly seeking validation from other people, you’ll be not so good at relationships, not to mention the abandonment and rejection issues.Sometimes, I don’t think our parents understand how much their words and actions(or lack thereof) really affect us.
I am all for the celebration and uplifting of Black women. But, I am sometimes frustrated by the fact that we don’t always uplift each other. Why is it so hard? I honestly believe, it’s because at some point we, like Kenya, have been hurt. So we hurt other people before they can get too close and hurt us. Which in turn creates more hurt, and the cycle continues. We must stop the madness! We must forgive, not for the them. But for our own healing.
I think this formula will work not only for you, but for Kenya Moore as well. In forgiving her mother, she will begin the journey to her own healing. Though it won’t be instantaneous, her perspective on other women will shift. She won’t be so apt to attack them. She’ll be more empathetic towards them, and will be pleasantly surprised at how much love she gets back in return. I think we all could use a little healing, in order to give more love. Don’t you? My hope is for Kenya to heal herself and use her current platform to inspire and uplift other women instead of perpetuating the “bitter black woman” narrative.
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