Office dynamics can be challenging. When you spend the majority of your life in a place, a certain level of annoyance is inevitable. Even the best of work environments are filled with all types of characters and conflicting personalities that make for a colorful 40-hour work week. Why not make the best of it?
Brace yourself…I’m about to put you on game. You ready? The secret to surviving and thriving at work is having New York narrate your internal dialogue. She has the perfect response for every situation. Trust me, if you employ these 13 Tiffany Pollard reactions for annoying co-workers, you’ll never have a bad work day again.
1.The Brown Noser
You know the guy who never misses the opportunity to kiss up? The one who, after every meeting, enthusiastically reiterates how much he agrees with that great point the boss just made? Well, next time he comes with his standard hype man routine, hit him with this amused hair flip. What are we doing here, sir? How does this add value?
2. The Devil’s Advocate
“I’m just going to play devil’s advocate here…” is her favorite phrase. Although it’s important to consider all angles of a situation to tease out possible unintended negative consequences, your girl over there has personally nominated herself to perpetually play that role. Not every decision requires mandatory opposition. Chill with that.
3. The Rambler
A polite “good morning” or “how’s it going” can become a 15-minute dissertation with this one. Listen sir, I can’t. I don’t know what your job entails but I have deadlines over here.
4. The Lunch Stealer
The audacity! Everyone here can afford to buy food. Plus, why would you even want to eat someone else’s prepared meal. You don’t know us like that. Stop it!
5. The Loud Phone Talker
There is no reason that the entire office should be able to hear your conversation. Ma’am, use your inside voice please and thank you.
6. The Frat Boy
He never meets his objectives and he might not have those numbers ready for the conference call, but if you’re planning a company picnic or bowling night out, your boy moves with military precision to makes sure it’s lit! Nothing excites him more than after-work fraternization.
7. The Solitaire Champ
Ma’am, you aren’t fooling anyone by minimizing your screen every time someone passes by. We all know you’re the online solitaire queen. Tiffany, how many times have we caught her playing today?
8. The Informant
This one swears he has the 411 on who’s secretly hooking up, the suspected upcoming merger and who might be getting laid off in the next few weeks. Most of the time he’s right though, which begs the question…Where is he getting this information?
9. The Snitch
She is always posted up in the cut, just waiting for you to get back five minutes late so she can run and tell it. Don’t even think about easing out early on a slow Friday. She keeps the boss on speed dial. Tiffany, how should we handle this situation?
10. The Motivator
Her aura is pure sunshine. She is always super positive and manages to find the good in every situation. So, what’s the problem? This level of perpetual bubbly sunshine can be taxing for us mere mortals. Give me a minute…I just need my coffee first.
11. Mr. Doom and Gloom
Everyone gets an unexpected bonus, he complains that it should have been more. You ask him how his vacation went, he whines about the weather. Mr. Gloomy here is always inserting his unsolicited negative perspective. Stand over there, please sir. We don’t need that energy.
12. The Climber
You respect the hustle. Your boy is a straight up politician. Shaking hands and kissing babies, he’ll do whatever it takes to move up that ladder. I see you, bruh.
13. The Lifetime Movie Character
You swear her life has it’s own team of writers, casting directors and a lighting crew. The amount of drama that goes on in her daily affairs is draining. Ma’am, I don’t think I’m equipped to help you here. Perhaps you should flex that EAP on a professional therapist.
Next time you are challenged by office politics, tap into your inner Tiffany Pollard and quietly play out these scenes in your head. I promise it’ll make your entire life!
