Like with most cousins, the relationship is either extremely strong or rather complicated. Your family ties become most apparent during the holidays and family reunions.
When you see your cousins, you both greet each other as so.
Because ya'll love cutting up together at family gatherings.
But any other time of the year..
While you're excited to see your cousins, who are like your extended brothers and sisters, you know they come with a whole heap of mess and remember why you keep your interactions at a minimum. Below is a list of definitive characteristics for every cousin that can be found in any family.
1. The cousin who used to slang (probably still does), but has a good heart and always gives you great life advice.
2. The cousin who you can't leave your purse around.
3. The cousin fresh off line who just crossed and came decked out in their letters.
4. The cousin who is always opening up a business or planning to start a new venture.
5. The cousin who brings a new significant other to the table every year so you gotta be careful you don't call this year's flame, last year's name.
6. The cousin who thinks they’re the next patriarch/matriarch of the family so they always try to do jobs that are reserved for elders. (Say grace, carve the turkey, etc.)
7. The cousin that always makes the best church punch so you rejoice when she pulls ginger ale and Kool-Aid packets out her purse.
8. The cousin always making a million to-go plates and didn't chip in one cent on the meal.
9. The little one that stays in grown folk business.
10. The cousin who is a professional student and is always acting brand new.
11. The cousin whose ball dreams were deflated so he talks over the game the entire time providing unnecessary commentary.
12. The cousin who thinks they're too good to learn how to play spades (half-sister to cousin #8).
13. The cousin whose kids run all over the house spilling stuff so you understand why your grandma had plastic on her couch back in the day.
14. The cousin always begging for vegan options and counting calories the entire meal (doesn't get along with cousin #13).
15. The cousin who normally doesn't mess with this side of the family during the year but only came over because ya'll have cable and he needs to catch the Bayou Classic.
16. The cousin you can't trust to not burn the rolls so y'all put her on "watch duty" to make sure she keeps an eye on the kids so they don't come in the kitchen.
17. The Hotep cousin who tells you you're glorifying "the white man's holiday."
18. The cousin who erased everybody off Facebook and is trying their best to deflect attention from questions about what they're trying to hide online.
19. The cousin who made your grandma's cake fall in '92 and is still the black sheep of the family because of it.
20. The cousin who never had kids but is always telling everyone else how to raise theirs.
Last..but not least.
21. Cousin Faith.
How your aunt lurks in the corner every year trying to keep busy and stay way from the sharp objects.
You watching all of the mess unfold, waiting on someone to tell you that you're adopted.
Sike! It doesn't matter. You love them and wouldn't trade your family for the world.
Be ye not deceived. You are one of these folks to somebody. Cousining is an equal opportunity relationship for dysfunction.
How your cousins probably look at you every year.
