Recently, I received a notification from Twitter. I was mentioned in a tweet about one of my articles on Hyper-Visibility and anti-Blackness. It was about how, often times, NBPOC see Black progress and representation as a stumbling block in their own progress. The man basically wanted to bait me into an argument calling me manipulative for calling out NBPOC anti-Blackness. And something happened that I didn’t expect. Instead of immediately engaging him, I simply muted him and kept it moving. Last year, I would have argued with him until I was livid but lately I’ve been tired.
I’ve been tired of constantly saying the same things over and over again. I’ve been tired of giving my time, emotions, and energy to people who don’t care. I’ve been tired of the screenshots of hateful Youtube, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter comments with captions under them like, “See? Racism is still alive and well.” and “This is what they think of us.” and “No one cares about the Black woman except Black women.” I don’t need screenshots of some random dude on Twitter likening dark skinned Black women to roaches to know that it happens. I don’t need screenshots of a random white person saying something racist in a Youtube comment to know that it happens. It’s been happening. Colorism, misogynoir, and racism are not new concepts. And I’m tired of arguing their veracity. I’m especially tired of having to trigger myself by collecting harmful opinions to present to people who “need proof.”
We have hundreds of years of experience, photos, documents, articles, videos, and artifacts to know that these things happen and have been happening since America was even a thing. And I’ve lost my desire to continue disputing that. I’ve lost my desire to dispute cold hard, well-researched, well-documented facts with people who care less about facts than they care about protecting their privilege. This year, I’m not going to sit around for 10 minutes telling people who haven’t done their research that the Black Panthers were not, in fact, like the KKK. It’s 2016. The party ended in the early ‘80s. Google is free and the FBI docs concerning the BPP are out there. There have been several books written about and by members of the Party. There have been movies and documentaries. Why should I spend my time and energy telling some random person on the internet what a rudimentary Google search could already tell them? Why am I personally responsible for making up for the failures of the US Education system?
Black Feminists have been major parts of every single Black movement. Harriet Tubman freed 750 enslaved people in one mission on the Combahee River and over 300 more during her years on the Underground Railroad. Ida B. Wells was harassed and could’ve been killed for her tireless documenting of and campaigning against the lynching of Black men and the white mob violence that threatened Black neighborhoods. Assata Shakur was almost killed by police, survived inhumane prison quarters, was run out of the country and is hiding somewhere in Cuba all for the cause. Black Feminism has racked up an exhaustive amount of scholarship and activist work about the plight of Black women and how the freedom of all Black people is inextricably tied to our own. I’ve spent a significant amount of time trying to educate myself about these things and some guy who can’t be bothered to spend five seconds on Google or (pay attention in a history class) thinks he deserves for me spend however long it takes to explain to him that Black Feminism is not only not “ruining” the Black community but plays a major role in holding it together? Three Black Queer women create the Black Lives Matter Movement and I’m supposed to sit with some man on Twitter and explain to him that Black women’s issues and Black Queer issues are not a “distraction” from the movement and that our experiences with police should be just as publicized? I don’t think so. Not in the year of our Lord 2016.
Some people genuinely are in the dark and are genuinely trying to engage you. But some people are just asking you questions so they can give you the answers. Some people are just there to make you question your experiences so you don’t question their actions and toxic ideas. You don’t owe it to anybody to place your life on the operating table for their dissection. You do not need to prove to people that you deserve to be here and that your life is worthy of a good fight. Anyone who asks you to explain why you don’t deserve mistreatment is lost in the sauce and you don’t have to do anything to get them out. Worry about yourself. Educate yourself. Write about yourself. Say what you need to say. Someone’s lightbulb will go off or it won’t, and you don’t need to spend 10 minutes arguing with an old Facebook friend to try and force them into it.
I’m exhausted over arguing about the truth of my experiences as a Black woman in this country. I’ve been gaslighted into a tiredness that can only be satisfied by removing toxic sludge from my mentions and out of my life. And I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that I can’t change everyone’s minds. If entire movements could not change the hearts and minds of every citizen of the United States then surely my Twitter argument will not. Now, I’m not saying we should never speak up when we see ignorance or hatefulness but, in this emotionally exhausting time, it’s best that we start discerning between the ignorant and the willfully ignorant. Unless, you’re getting paid to rehabilitate racist, sexist, homophobic, weirdos on the internet you don’t owe trolls your energy, emotions, and mental stamina. In 2016 hit the block/mute button: it’s self-care.
