This piece is part of a 28-day series celebrating modern black love among millennials. It was created by Chuck Marcus and Michelle Nance, exclusively distributed by Blavity.
Her: Christina Correa | 34 | Event Director
Him: Rhudy Correa | 33 | Music Industry Executive
Relationship Status: Married
Christina and Rhudy first crossed paths three years ago in the hallways of their former employer's offices. Christina, a company veteran, noticed Rhudy, the new guy, immediately when he started showing up on the floors of the offices and began to inquire about who he was and truth be told, she wasn’t the only one. The attractive man in the blue sweater became the subject of many whisperings and text threads.
Then they began to exchange glances, serious glances. You know the ones that evoke feelings that not safe for public, let alone for work. The silent innuendos continued until one day Christina spoke up with a simple hello. She left work that day, boarded a plane to Milan, connected to inflight wifi and connected with Rhudy on LinkedIn, within hours they’d exchanged contact information.
Upon her return to New York the two decided to head out on their first date where they shared an amazing evening that took them from office mates to lovers, forever. Married now for a year and a half, the Seattle girl and NYC native have made their home together in Harlem, New York.
Q: How did you know you were ready to commit?
Rhudy: Our first date was so seamless, the vibe was there, the energy was there. It felt natural. I can remember us being on the Brooklyn Bridge in a cab and I asked, “what are we gonna do now?” And she was like “you’re coming with me” and the rest was history.
Christina: When I first saw him, literally in that blue sweater, something clicked. I knew that something was different and sparkly. I knew that I was going to be with him whether it was for a season or forever. Then we went on that first date and it was just like oh this is what all these idiots be talking about, “when you just know you know”. Now I really wish I could put that feeling into words, it’s almost indescribable and I think that’s what love is.
Q: How do you manage your careers and social lives as millennials?
Rhudy: Our careers tend to overlap. We’re both in the entertainment and music space. Sometimes we’ll both get invited to the same events. Or we’re traveling somewhere and we’re both working on the same kind of thing. It’s not like I’m an accountant or something, that wouldn’t work.
Christina: I never thought I would meet anybody in my work environment but it just helps because I am in this high energy fast-paced environment where I’m around a multitude of people that, to be frank, any other man would be uncomfortable with. The fact that he is in the same exact environment that any other female would be uncomfortable with, we understand our roles and we understand our industries.
Q: What does black love mean to the black community?
Christina: I think it means hope in, sometimes, very hopeless situations. Just an understanding of your roots and an understanding that it perseveres above all and it can help build the best base for anything. Going back to our history, the fact that love survived everything we have gone through and will go through. I’ve always been someone who felt like marriage was in my future. I always wanted to build a family, I always wanted to be a wife.
As a black woman married to a Latin man, but black man of a different culture, that’s a big part of it, the merging of different cultures. The cultures are very different and we're keeping that cultural relevance alive from both aspects. There are so many aspects that are heavy but enriching and thrilling to be a part of.
Rhudy: I think it’s absolutely complicated and difficult to understand. I have my grandparents, one set of them have been married for 50 years plus. I have one that has been divorced 5 times. What I’m trying to say by that is, there’s so much complexity within it. I always wanted to be married, have children and have a stable situation.
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Q: What representation did you have around you that made you want to get married?
Christina: My grandparents. I feel like in the black household period that’s big. Whether they have their own shit or not, whether grandpa was out there or not, whether grandma turned a blind eye or not. They’re always going to be a staple. They’re the only ones who hit that 50 year mark and made it seem seamless whether it was or not.
Rhudy: My god-parents played a big role in raising me as a kid. I was there from kindergarten until 10 years old. I was in a household with seven kids and I saw the beauty in that.
Q: Who do you look to for advice on your relationship?
Rhudy: We did church counseling at First Corinthians Baptist Church with Pastor Mike, his wife and other couples. I was like, “I don’t want to do anything with other people”.
Christina: Just imagine, I was like “honey, we gotta do marriage counseling. Honey we gotta do marriage counseling with a bunch of other people who aren’t even in our life”. Sit and talk to each other about marriage with strangers.
Rhudy: But when we walked in we met this great group of people and now we lean on them. We go to brunches together, we’re in group chats and they have been really helpful. Getting through that first year is hard. Having that support system has been great for all of us.
Christina: With that group in particular, we all did marriage counseling together and we all got married within three months of each other. We all swore that we would be 120% honest with each other in group settings and individual settings. We hold each other accountable so we’ve all had really tough conversations and really uncomfortable moments. We’re all young black and married, and we need that. It’s one of our biggest blessings out of our marriage counseling.
Rhudy: It’s one of those things where you continue to develop these relationships. We’re all newly-weds, it's an ongoing thing. I think that’s one of the things that keeps me excited that we have so much to learn about each other. It’s not always roses. We have our disagreements but I love her to death.
Q: What are you doing to continue to build a love that lasts?
Christina: Fighting, arguing, and trying to figure out the bounce-back. I feel like a lot of people get really stuck in their arguments and anger and that is really the downfall of any friendship or relationship, not figuring out the bounce back. We are married, our undoing will be hard. It’s not an option. I’ve seen relationships that appear to be rosy with many incorporations of Robert’s Rules of Order and it’s just really stale and it’s like you guys don’t really have a marriage in my opinion. You have a corporation or a business deal.
Rhudy: We get that whole thing that marriage is a business but at the end of the day I started out with love. If I don’t have that union, I don’t care about anything else and I lead with that.
Christina: A funny example, we were at my home in Seattle and we got into a really big argument in front of my mom which we’re very fine with. We got into a little tit for tat and she helped us out of it and then my mom looks at us and says “you guys are just way too similar”. I think that’s why we butt heads so much, but it’s also similar in a sense where we know how to get out of it. I think you have to keep fighting and learning how to grow.
Rhudy: It’s having the conversations and having the “fights” and it’s also adjusting to certain things. You grow.
Christina: I was perfect before this marriage. There’s nothing like a marriage to make you realize that you’ve got some things.
Q: What’s the hardest part about being a millennial in a relationship in today’s climate?
Christina: Seeing other people’s success, filtered or not, that can play into our own personal goals and feeling like we’re not reaching our goals fast enough. You see all these other millennials with their homes and their baby. I think living in New York helped me because I see everyone else hustling like I am. I think the comparison is the hardest part.
Rhudy: I’m from New York, I don’t compare myself against anybody.
Christina: And that’s what balances me out, I need to calm down.
Q: If you could describe love in one word what would it be and why?
Rhudy: It’s imperfect but perfect at the same time. There’s no rules to it, it’s crazy. It’s a feeling for me more than anything.
Christina: It is selflessness, literally every situation where something happens I have got to take myself out of it. I have to take into consideration that I am married to a whole other person who is not myself. He’s a whole other person who has feelings and ways of operating that I need to understand and not adjust to be like myself. It’s really just removing that and realizing that we are two individual people trying to build something that will last a lifetime and there’s no way to do it if we think that we are one, it’s selflessness to me.
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