Camaraderie is not in anybody's job description. However, work politics almost explicitly require our participation in cheesy office antics. Even if we like our employer and coworkers, the mission at work is always to get in, get out, and get paid. We don't get paid to hang out with people! Inevitably, the holiday season presents the perfect opportunity for the social committee to plan some sort of party or potluck, and these events always require food.

Black people are often very self-aware at work, making sure that nobody can say anything negative about us and potentially affect our check. We show face and participate so that no one can say we're not a "team player". Everyone loves a boss-approved break during the workday and everyone loves to eat. For black people, though, this can produce a healthy suspicion about who's providing the food.

Black people don't play about food. At some point in your life, your mother, grandmother, or auntie warned you against eating just anybody's food, and for any number of reasons. "You never know how well people clean their kitchens," is what my mother would tell me. "And some people have cats walking on their counters and their hair ends up in the food." I already knew she was talking about a certain group of people. We didn't know anybody with cats so I had no idea how she came to that conclusion, but I had seen some nasty kitchens, so I took heed.

If you don't care too much about cleanliness as long as you can get your grub on, then you have nothing to worry about. If your mama was like my mama, potlucks make you nervous. You want to eat, but you don't know these people and what might be happening in their homes. Here are five ways to steer clear of the foolishness. Keep these things in mind as you navigate the office festivities.

Check The List

There's a way to prepare ahead of time to make sure you know where this potluck food is coming from. You don't have to worry about this if your job is going to cater your holiday function, but typical potluck requires everyone to contribute something. If there's a sign-up list for people to announce what they plan to bring, you can do a few things to make sure there will be food you're willing to eat. Get there soon enough to sign up to bring your favorite dish, that way you know where it came from and you know it's going to be good. If you can't do that, search for the name of a friend or coworker you trust and see what they're bringing. Consider those items part of your personal menu for the shindig.

Eat Before You Come

If there's no way of knowing who's bringing what, then the choice of what to bring is up to you. Choose something that you know you like and you'll be cool with eating the entire time you're there, just in case nothing else seems safe or palatable. To make sure you won't be standing around starving, eat your lunch before you go or grab a snack to hold you until you can get there, get out, and get to some food you trust. If it turns out that there's plenty of good food for you to choose from, you can always make a plate to go.

Go For the Packaged Food

If you can tell that the food came from somebody's kitchen, stay away. Look for the cakes, cookies, pies, chips, and other treats that come in standard packaging, or even better, individually wrapped. Try to get there early and be the first to open the bag or container. Exceptions to this rule could be fruits like apples, oranges, or grapes, and snacks that come from containers like cheese and crackers. Still, you don't know if someone washed the fruit the way you would wash it, or if someone handled the crackers without washing their hands. Are there bottles of water? Awesome. Grab a couple for your desk drawer. Is there a bowl of mystery punch? Keep reading.

Beware of the Punch

If there is a bowl full of unnamed liquid that people are drinking from, be very, very sure of what's in the bowl before you put some in a cup for yourself. If your office likes alcohol, then this could easily turn out badly. The last thing you want to do is be the drunk person at the work event. If you're sure it isn't alcoholic but you still aren't sure what's in it, the safest thing to do would be a taste test or to avoid it altogether (especially if you don't know who made it). Did you see the coordinators pouring soda and juice from standard containers into a bowl? Then you should be fine. This also goes for any food that looks homemade. If you can't quite decipher what it is, don't eat it.

Smile and Nod

"Why aren't you eating?"

"That's all you're going to have?"

"Come on! Won't you have one more?"

It is almost guaranteed that somebody will ask you one of these questions or something that sounds like these if they see you with an empty cup, a sparse plate, or no plate at all. Nobody needs to know that you don't trust them and their cat-hair casserole. Be polite and pleasant. You could explain that you don't have much of an appetite, or that you had a late lunch or something else to keep them from inundating you with potentially tainted treats. Honestly, though, you don't owe anyone an explanation. You can smile and nod and walk away.

Happy holidays and good luck!

Anika Tene Rich

Writing since June 2017 · 1 story contributed