Like many African American women born with thick, wild hair, I too had relaxed my curls to achieve the ideal of flowing Rapunzel locks. To those who don’t know what I’m talking about, let me explain. Relaxers are chemicals used to straighten hair deemed unruly, too curly or kinky.

When I was in high school, I begged my mother to relax my hair so I could wear it straight like the majority of girls in my classes did. For many years, I enjoyed my new hair texture, although the relaxing process was often unpleasant. When I entered college, my hair had become very thin and started breaking often. I decided that relaxing my hair no longer brought me joy or made me feel good about myself, so I decided to go “natural.”

Any woman who has ever “gone natural,” knows the struggle of maintaining your hair health while in transition. Because my hair grows curly, but the rest of my hair was straight, it broke off even more. Though after a few years, my hair finally recovered, and was thick and curly again.

And I hated it.

The upkeep took hours, and often, my efforts were all for nothing because once the southern humidity got to it, my hair would return to its unmanageable afro state.

Going to salons wasn’t really an option either. Hair stylists huffed and puffed while combing through my curls, and made sure to suggest that I return to relaxing my hair because it would make it easier to style. I finally found one hair stylist whose skills were incredible when it came to even the thickest, shortest hair out there. She renounced relaxer and praised my natural curls. She understood that it would be more difficult to maintain, but with her abilities, she was able to style my hair in a way that made me strut out of her salon like Olivia Pope from Scandal.

After some time, I researched how to wear my natural hair from YouTube videos and articles, created by women braver than me, who put their learned lessons out there for all. I’m still learning everyday how to braid my curls in a way to create different looks, and the process has brought me to respect my hair even more.

My African hair. Its versatility was always to be revered and not scorned. I couldn’t see that as a young, insecure teenager, but in my mid-20s, embracing my natural hair has brought me to embrace not only who I am, but where I come from. My advice for any other women out there who are struggling with their hair is to first accept that one’s hair is just the way it is, and second, to find ways of styling it that embraces its quirks and waves. It took me a long time to learn that, but I hope (to those out there who understand where I’m coming from) that you embrace your hair with pride, and wear it the way you want.

Just a few days ago, while getting my hair done at the salon, the stylist asked the typical question of why I don’t get my hair relaxed. I smiled at her in the mirror and replied, “Because I like my hair the way it is.” And that was the truth.

BBG

Writing since March 2017 · 1 story contributed