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Another shooting! Another murder! Another incident of a Black man in the United States of America being targeted by the police.

This occurrence has become so common that one might consider it to be viewed as natural as drinking water. It's so prevalent that it carries the aura of a seasonal rhythmic pattern. The crime. Outrage, anger, protest. Court decision. Further anger. Organizing. Settling down. And the cycle continues all over again.

If many of us were not within the realms of our sanity, we would even interpret this as being part of the cultural existence of Black American people. Yet, the very feeling within our psyche and emotional cognizance affirms that there is nothing normal about the murder and onslaught of our people.

Now that this is made clear, let's move on.

The recent conviction of Amber Guyger was telling, indeed. Anticipation mounted and upon the final words of "guilty," one exhaled in feeling that justice had finally been served. All we had to do is wait for phase two. Surely if justice had been met with the verdict, it would definitely be met with the sentencing, right? Right.

10 years. You heard it right. Our ears were not playing tricks on us. Clearly it was too good to be true. Even with all of the evidence, a confession and key witness, the sentencing and verdict was the living proof in her/historical racism (race and gender) in the prison industrial complex within the United States of America. Such is for another topic.

Complaints have been made and the criticisms are vocalized. Yet, throughout the societal analysis, there is another issue to be addressed.

Throughout the trial, attendees and viewers witnessed various acts which served to remind Black Americans of their "responsibility" to carry their legendary trend of forgiveness. You know, the Bible verses read to enslaved Black American people about "slaves obeying their masters;" the decades long practices of Black American communities having to forgive the horrors of lynchings, rapes, cross burnings, church burnings, "picnics," "barbecues" and countless injustices that were never recorded and have yet to be discovered.

And yet, we just forgive. That seems to be the invisible rule in the Black American Handbook continuing to dominate the psyche of many Black American people today. Any one of us who breaks the rule, is hastily chastised, corrected and reminded of our place — often by more traditional-minded members of our community. We're reminded of our Christian duty of "turning the other cheek" or allowing God to take his vengeance. Forget about the natural, human feelings of anger, rage and detesting the very sight of the perpetrator. Forgiveness is not to be halted or delayed. That seemed to be the final message from the Amber Guyger trial.

There were various behaviors worth noting in the trial, that reeked of such notions. We have Brandt Jean — the younger brother of the murdered victim, Botham Jean — and his emotional and unexpected request to hug Amber Guyger. He even stated that he wanted the best for her, causing a media storm, presenting him as a hero and an example of God's grace.

Then we have Judge Tammy Kemp and her actions of not only hugging Guyger, but presenting her with a Bible and highlighted scriptures for her to read as sources of comfort.

Finally, we can't forget about the Black American woman police officer in the courtroom during the trial, who not only handed tissues to the defendant, but also rubbed Guyger's hair. This particular action was incredibly telling. For me, it was a trip back down memory lane, in my memories of elementary school, seeing incidents of Black American girls playing and combing the hair of the few white American blond girls. It was a memory of seeing blond hair, their hair, as more feminine, pleasing and beautiful than their own tight curls. WIth all of these positive and loving vibes directed towards the Amber Guyger, you would have thought it was she who was the victim.

What needs to be addressed is obvious: Amber Guyger's white American, female privilege automatically deemed her worthy of sympathy and compassion, no matter how calculated, heinous and vile her crime was. Her tiny frame and automatic white, female fragility somehow painted her as innocent, though the evidence stated otherwise. The graphic nature of her crime seemed to be erased.

Somehow, in the mental psyche of Brandt Jean (though he is Haitian-American), Judge Tammy Kemp and the mentioned police officer, Guyger was to be pitied and treated softly. Her frailty, and supposed remorse, deemed her worthy to be supported and emotionally protected. Tears, and her tears alone, appeared to be the primary concern. In a terse amount of words, her emotions mattered. Her life mattered. It is as if her very tears alone wiped away any grief or sorrow we had for the actual victim of the crime: Botham Jean. The aura of the courtroom felt as if through these very actions alone, an emotional shift had taken place. It was obvious — the courtroom had transformed from a trial, into a therapy session and pity party for Amber Guyger.

When examining the power of forgiveness, the Black American community has mastered this to a tea, with much of it being as a necessity. Her/Historically, we could even articulate that it was used as a coping mechanism. A way to keep one's sanity in tact in the midst of insane and inhumane circumstances. It was a method of not allowing hatred to eat at one's soul, causing decay from the inside. A strategy for those particular Black American communities who were unable to defend themselves or seek justice, often times because it was the law who were boisterously committing the crimes. However, in the trial of Amber Guyger, Black Americans were the face of the law. In particular, two Black American women.

So many thoughts continue to puzzle the minds of many, especially within Black America, who cannot comprehend why such over-the-top and unnecessary (and overt) coddling of Amber Guyger took place. In the case of Brandt Jean, yes, people handle grief in different ways. Yet, one can only ponder if his emotions would have been as sympathetic, warm and gentle had Amber Guyger been a Black American woman. Would his Christian teachings been as color-blind as he liked to perform on Amber Guyger, or would internalized racism and colorism play its course? Such is a fair question if we bring in the lens of colorism and intra-racism not only in Black America, but in the Caribbean, as well. Dr. James Foreman, Jr., Professor of Law at Yale University, and author of Locking Up Our Own: Crime and Punishment In Black America, may have a different take, especially pertaining to Judge Tammy Kemp.

The behaviors of the "sympathetic three" felt more than the practice of forgiveness. True forgiveness, and the processes to forgiveness, also include anger. It includes wanting justice and for the culprit to feel the emotions of the harm they have caused; not to block or protect them from the aura of such. True forgiveness is accompanied with justice. Forgiveness, and its very being, is not a cheap pass that one can use for a get out free card. Most importantly, forgiveness takes time. Forgiveness also recognizes one's own suffering, acknowledges that sorrow and presents it for the perpetrator to see. It is part of the healing process. In the authenticity of forgiveness, one does not ignore one's own loss, nor prioritize the emotions of the perpetrator over one's own.

In observing the sympathetic three, it was obvious that a particular category of Stockholm Syndrome of the Black American (and Caribbean) community was at work. This practice (genetically inherited from slavery) of not wanting to "betray whiteness," or those who harmed and oppressed our community, was being performed. Having "naturalized" one's oppression to such a degree, that one became more sympathetic to the slave master, than to one's own people, who were (and are still) being brutalized. The imagery of murdered Black people is seen as common; becoming numb or emotionally immune to those images. Therefore, sympathy or overt mourning was "inappropriate." This was very evident with Judge Tammy Kemp's final "no outburst" comment after the reading of the verdict. The tone of such statement was an immediate radar for the protection of Amber Guyger. Again, wanting to make her as comfortable as possible. Brandt Jean's "necessary" behavior of wanting to hug Amber Guyger (and for the amount of time that he did hug her) brings up discussions concerning how white womanhood has been marketed to Black men as the solution to escaping Blackness, as the epitome of femininity and needing to be protecting. It demonstrated white womanhood as always innocent, valued, precious, deserving of love (and infatuation) and treasured, regardless of the crime — even if it means to the detriment of one's own brother.

The actions of our sympathetic three have been presented throughout different media platforms. Many have gone so far as presenting such as the "representation of forgiveness." Its the subtle language of reminding Black Americans of our handbook, and the forgiveness rule written, within as the proper way that we are to behave. After all, three key figures of the trial who look like us did it. Therefore, we should "get in line" and "follow suit." It's the Christian thing to do, right? A similar practice was seen during the plantation era of slavery when the section of "slaves obey your masters" was repeated during "Bible study." Yet somehow, the part about Moses and his journey of freeing the slaves was left out of the lesson.

It is very evident that forgiveness has become racialized and designed for Black Americans to see themselves as inferior. It is a psychological weapon designed to have the continued manipulation of "good livin'" will be found in Heaven, while we accept hell on Earth. The murder of an innocent Hatian-American man is "expected," and therefore we should just forgive and move on, as we will get our rewards in the afterlife. This is not to say that such is the prevalent or majority of thinking of Black American people. However, it does exist. The actions of Judge Tammy Kemp and her fellow police officer proved that it does. A thinking which, despite the plethora of Black American professionals and success stories, we have yet to fully evolve from.

True forgiveness does not diminish one's own sufferings or emotions as a sacrifice for another. Rather, it affirms one's experiences. In having gone through the journey of forgiveness, one simultaneously grapples with a multiple set of emotions. After going through the process of rage, sorrow, anguish, anxiety, revenge and bitterness, then comes the release of letting go of that energy for one's own healing. After all, forgiveness is more about doing it for oneself, more so than the other person.

Forgiveness does not deny or diminish justice. It does not reduce justice. As whatever, or whomever, has been taken, must be supplemented for. It's truly the law of the heavens. Simultaneously, the Divine does not act on its own. It does require assistance from human beings.

Despite our successes and contributions to the world, Black Americans have a lot of work to do in the healing of our own psyche. We are still healing from systematic behaviors and patterns which were never properly dealt with after the abolition of slavery. Once this is done, then, and only then, will true forgiveness and its counterpart of justice begin.

Lauren K. Clark

Writing since September 2019 · 3 stories contributed