opinion

As I go into the start of the new school semester at a predominantly white institution, I dread what has become an epidemic for Black students — roll call. While roll call is a part of what should be the easiest day for a college student, it is not for Black students. Instead of receiving the syllabus and being able to leave, like other students, we have to engage in what seems like a never ending battle of the syllables. That, or we’re being looked at when the most stereotypical “Black name” is called, even if  our names are Ian or Gabby. I have heard the most simple two syllable names be made into chemical compounds. I have heard Desirae turned into Desire, Rasheed to Rashad and Antoine into Antonio. These names, nor the letters that form the sounds of the word, are hard to pronounce. So, of course, the first day of class serves as the framework for the micro-aggressive things that will happen later in the courses. But what becomes more of the problem here is that four weeks down the road, we are still having the same conversation. We have moved from 1613 to 1832 in the textbook, but somehow we are still on my birthdate for the fourth consecutive week because you cannot seem to get my name right? But somehow, you've gotten Siobhan’s name right, the first time.By a certain point, you have to call bulls**t. Professors are blatantly disrespecting you, but in the most passive way. The more you correct them, the more they get it wrong. This is violence. It is a direct reflection in how much they do not care about your being. Your name is your first line of communication with others, and if a person cannot at least try to get that right, then they are denying you all human decency. This speaks beyond character. This speaks to ideals and character. Looking at a historical context, white people have always denied Black people the pleasure of having their name spoken. They have used household favorites like the N word or “boy.” Saying their name would somehow transcend power onto Black folks and make them feel equal. What is done in classrooms is no difference. It is a reminder of where they believe you do and don’t belong. To them, Black people have no business in academia. Your thoughts and voice hold no real weight in these settings. The “minor” screw-up of your name is just their passive reminder of that. With every screw-up, the distance between the Black student and the classroom grows wider and wider. As we enter the new semester, remember: it’s very easy to give courtesy and respect. As an educator, your ideals should already align with transformative justice for minority students. If not, the position is not for you. Black students, if professors aren’t getting your names right, then we’re not getting theirs right either. That’s the energy we’re bringing in 2019.Blavitize your inbox! Join our daily newsletter for fresh stories and breaking...

I, like many of you, watched the Surviving R. Kelly documentary. I didn’t watch it simultaneously with everyone else, because it was triggering in a lot of ways, and I decided to be protective and not re-traumatize myself. I waited an watched it this weekend, and here are the conclusions I gathered from this exposure:Black families failed.Black churches failed.Black institutions failed.The Black community failed.Law enforcement failed.The artist/entertainment industry failed.Black girls/women safety is conditional.We failed y’all. We failed hard.Black families are the base, foundation and beginning of all things to black life. They come in many different forms, shapes and sizes. Some have two parents, some have three to four. There are also some that have one, and the community steps up in different ways to help. There is nothing more diverse than the inner-workings of the black family. They are made of magic, hard work, perseverance and love. But honey let me tell you, it’s some dark stuff in black families, too.Conditions of humanity are so horribly flawed, and my God today, do they eat us up. The uncles, the step-dads and the older cousins, who took such an adamant part in destroying the precious childhood of so many girls, are at the table. The trauma is unspeakable, all pun intended, because if/when it is talked about, it’s immediately shot down. Between the “what happens in this house stays in this house,” the “that didn’t really happen, you’re just trying to ruin this family” and so much more, there’s very little hope. The re-traumatizing of every holiday, every birthday, every family reunion and every family gathering that you are required to sit at the same table as your abuser, contributes to this moment.Whew, child! Black girls aren’t safe.Black communities, much like the family, are instrumental in development, too. We’re such a village-minded people, us black folks, and so in your community, everyone knows some of everything. Any word of the black girl being abused by anyone in the family and the community, though? It’s clearly her fault. Somewhere between her body being grown, her clothes being fast, her hormones raging, her dancing, her hanging and her mere damn presence, it becomes her fault in every way. Oh, and don’t let her be a teenager who has showed some interest, because somehow a grown-behind man with life experience must answer this call, because the requirement to be an adult in the situation conveniently subsided. So the community affirms the psychological trauma of it being her fault, and isn’t responsible for her safety because “she” knew better and he couldn’t help himself. So if she fits all characteristics of the "purist" westernized conservative good girl, maybe she becomes worthy of being protected and safe. But that’s conditional, and it is a maybe. Black girls aren’t safe.Black institutions failed. It’s no secret that inner-city schools, urban environments and the like are some of the most underfunded, under-resourced and under-protected spaces in the US. So how does a black girl feel safe/protected at school? How does someone notice her sneaking off with her predator and shut that down? That’s a great question that I’m not going to pretend I have an answer to. I would say let’s rely on the community, but we already established where they stand, and some of them make up the predators, so there’s that.Black churches have failed vastly! Between our handed down Eurocentric infused understanding of Christ and forgiveness, our male persons in authority practicing predatory behavior themselves, preaching purity to the women, making sure they cover their knees, to not become a “Jezebel,” “Rahab” or “Mary Magdelene” (although, we should in some ways aspire to be very much so like them, but we’ll return to that another day), berating and abusing the black woman’s body in preaching, teaching and living, and shaming her when she “falls short,” while simultaneously covering their infidelities in the need for “grace,” Black girls had no chance!R.Kelly was “struggling and needed prayer,” so we stood by him. He was gifted, and “the gifts and calling of God are without repentance,” so we stood by him. He was acquitted, because the system is fair in that way, of course (all sarcasm intended), so when he makes his way to the altar, doggone it we better stand by him. When he’s singing this inspirational music, co-writing with gospel artists, doing community service with the youth and showing up in people’s pulpit, while preachers stand with him and affirm him, surely the “goodt Lordt” has shown favor on him, and so should we, right? And the women and girls who are suffering, well, aren’t limited to R.Kelly’s survivors. The black church doesn’t even show up for their own women, so why in the hell would we expect them to show up for these?Did I mention that Black girls aren’t safe?Law enforcement failed. Surprise, surprise? Thousands of rape kits go untested every year. This is assuming we get that far. If by some miracle you make it through your family and community, and they believe you, and it gets to law enforcement, one of the first questions is, “What did you do to entice him? Is there something you might’ve done or said to attract that behavior?” Then, once that is processed, and you recounted this story and re-lived this trauma at least three times, we’re going to do this invasive rape kit, hoping that there’s some traces left of your abuser inside of you. If it is tested/processed, we might move to settle, with conditions of you never exposing this person. If you go to trial, may God and your therapist (pending you have one) be with you, while you are made to look like a criminal as a defense. Don’t let it be someone who law enforcement is biased towards, because the patriarchal misogynistic good ole boys that is law enforcement may aid the abuser in the process. Or, they’ll just do like our friends in Chicago PD did for R.Kelly and give them a heads up they’re coming, so they know to clear anything incriminating.So the idea that people don’t report their abuse is clearly crazy, because the system is on their side, right? Black girls aren’t safe.The entertainment industry has failed. R.Kelly was a cash cow, constantly producing revenue, so why would he be dropped from his label? Keep artist happy, by any means necessary. That’s how they put out their best work. Keep the image clean, keep them happy, keep the money coming and you can sleep at night. That’s it. That’s all that’s required of you. You don’t have to consider the lives that are being destroyed in the process — unless it is the artist. That life is untouchable and must be protected at all times, even if it is at the expense of others. Black girls aren’t safe.Then there’s “us.” The “us” who said “he was never convicted or found guilty,” as though all of those NDAs didn’t exist, and continued to support his music. The “us” who blamed the system, because it's no secret that the Black man is often persecuted by Eurocentric spaces, castrated in so many ways, and the target of genocide. So we, as the black community, affirm, uplift and support him by any means necessary. In turn, the black man supports and preserves himself, by any means necessary, at the expense of every other creature, including the black woman from whence he came. The misogyny is real, and so his horrible behavior is cloaked in grace, absent of accountability. And if indeed somehow he is called to the carpet on it, it’s an “attempt to bring another black man down.” We failed y’all.We failed because we’d rather offer equal injustice than any justice at all, because “if he was white, we wouldn’t be persecuting him.” We failed because we couldn’t believe the word of some victims, because “we didn’t see it ourselves.” We failed because some of “us” dated grown men in high school, and since “everyone” was doing it, it couldn’t be wrong, right? We failed because to address the trauma of those victims meant addressing some of our own, and “what happens in this house, stays in this house,” if it “happened at all.” We failed because “he was a victim too,” so that excuses his behavior somehow, and of all of the team around him facilitating these transactions with these girls, we were willing to pray, but “therapy” for a guy who could afford it was out of the question because, “Black people don’t go to the therapy. They go to church,” because that’s the most healthy space for healing, huh?We failed, because those of “us” who experienced assault and hadn’t unpacked our own trauma, pre-consciously have buried it so deep, that if we have to pick between “false accusations of victims”, or “Step in the Name of Love” and “I Believe I Can Fly,” we’re going with the songs, because those are less triggering. We failed every time we said “but what about (insert accomplice here),” as though if we redirect our attention to someone else, it somehow lessens the weight and responsibility of R.Kelly. We failed when we sat around and victim-shamed women for not coming forward, although we are literally witnessing "live and in living color" how victims are treated. We failed when we cease to give people room to change their minds, even though we had the room, because everyone didn’t cancel R. Kelly in 2002. For some of “us,” it took years. For some of us, it took this past weekend.We failed, because Black and brown girls’ safety is strictly conditional. We believe in conditional safety, that is only available if she is worthy. And since we believe in conditional safety, we also believe in conditional love. We love the parts of her we are OK with, instead of loving the “whole” person, without condition.We failed — hard. But there’s some good news, today. Now that we are aware of these things, we don’t have to fail anymore.Blavitize your inbox! Join our daily newsletter for fresh stories and breaking...

Ain't nothing like a good challenge to test your gangster or a set of skills you might possess, but how far are we willing to go? The latest internet phenomenon, the Bird Box Challenge, derived from the film of the same name.The movie Bird Box became popular over the 2018 winter holidays. Since its premier, the film has become notable for its blindfold scenes. Some people have attempted the challenge by doing simple activities, like household chores or playing sports—all while blindfolded. Others are doing dumb s**t, like driving cars.#Birdbox challenge 💀💀💀 pic.twitter.com/2p0duqam0e— Ja〽️aR🎄 (@JMaLicous4U) December 30, 2018Many of the challenges became so ignorant, Netflix even made a public appeal via Twitter:Can’t believe I have to say this, but: PLEASE DO NOT HURT YOURSELVES WITH THIS BIRD BOX CHALLENGE. We don’t know how this started, and we appreciate the love, but Boy and Girl have just one wish for 2019 and it is that you not end up in the hospital due to memes.— Netflix US (@netflix) January 2, 2019The Bird Box Challenge is not the only internet challenge to come under scrutiny for its dangerous antics, and all internet challenges aren’t foolish. Many are gut-busting, cute and charitable. Here are 10 attention-grabbing internet challenges that are both dumb and dumber, yet for better or worse.1. The Cinnamon ChallengeThis challenge actually predates YouTube, according to Know Your Meme. It originated circa 2000, and is not only harmful—it's painful as f**k. The challenge involves swallowing a spoonful of dry-ass cinnamon, which triggers your gag reflexes while causing you to ingest the powder into your lungs.The ingredients for this challenge are: 1 tablespoon of cinnamon powder 1 cup of Caucasian courage 1 gallon of stupid YouTube | Lanikin Malachite2. The Condom ChallengeIt is already sad enough that people don’t know how to use condoms, but misusing them is even sadder. The Condom Challenge hit the innanets in two parts: One part involved sniffing a condom through one's nostril and pulling it out the back of their throat. The second part involved using a condom like a water balloon, dropping it in such a way it wrapped around a person’s head and possibly suffocating them. So first it was dumb, and then it got dumber.  YouTube | Desus & Mero  YouTube | Danny DuncanJust damn dumb.3. PlankingNothing under the sun is new anymore. Lying face down on difficult or illogical surfaces was already a thing when planking crept into pop culture. It was regarded as “playing dead,” planking grew into a trending sensation, and the surfaces became more and more ridiculous.Planking's peak moment happened in 2008, with the Jay-Z and Kanye song "Gotta Have It."“I wish I could give you this feeling, I’m planking on a million. I’m riding through yo hood, you can bank I ain’t got no ceiling,” Jay-Z raps.Although planking as a challenge may have since died out, it has been immortalized in fitness workouts.YouTube | Channel Ten4. The Tide Pod ChallengeNo commentary. This is just pure f**kery. All YouTube videos highlighting this clown s**t have been removed.YouTube | Fox News 5. The Fire ChallengeThis is where internet challenges go way to far. Using flammable products to set yourself ablaze is not gangster, it is concerning.YouTube | Inside Edition6. The Harlem Shake ChallengeThis dance craze swept the nation when Bad Boy hall-of-famer G. Dep dropped his hit single “Special Delivery.” Like the song, the hyper-physical dance was infectious—and of course, challenging.YouTube | Yoshii 7. The Mannequin ChallengeSimilar to the Harlem Shake Challenge, the mannequin challenge grew with the popularity of Rae Sremmurd’s “Black Beatles” track. Usual performed in groups, it takes pausing dead in your tracks. YouTube | BVFV - Best Vines & Funny Videos - Xbox GT: SZA 8. The "In My Feelings" ChallengeThis is another challenge associated with a lit song. Drake’s 2018 hit “In My Feelings” is the backdrop to the dance craze created by Instagram influencer Shiggy of The Shiggy Show.YouTube | DrakeWe found KiKi yet?9. ALS Ice Bucket ChallengeThis was by far the best one of the better internet challenges, due to its charitable effort. Millions were pouring large ice buckets over their heads for a good cause; celebrities got involved, too. Not only did it bring a greater awareness of Lou Gehrig's disease to the public, but since 2014, $115 million has been donated for medical research and services.YouTube | The Muppets10. The Plant-Based ChallengeBey and HOV been vegan for a minute, but now they are challenging masses to get on board. As Blavity reported this past Thursday, the couple recently launched an app that eases vegan meal planning and shopping. Don’t y’all love it when Black folk challenge one another to be great? Let’s pull up in the new year on some better s**t, and leave all those wack challenges to the birds. How ’bout coming up with some new feats, like a Get Money Challenge, Feed the Homeless Challenge, Give a Fuck About a Black Woman challenge—I’m here for that.Liking this content? Check out these:Beyoncé Just Launched A Vegan App For All Of Us Who Went Plant-Based When She DidThe #MannequinChallenge is taking over all of our timelines — and it's impressive9 Things We Definitely Weren't Expecting From Drake's 'In My Feelings' Music...

As expected, Lifetime’s documentary, Surviving R. Kelly, which premiered this week, has opened the floor to the unsurprising dialogue surrounding R. Kelly and his sexual harassment allegations that have been the hot topic for several years now. As expected, social media has been very vocal about who’s to blame for this happening to several young women. While I’m not surprised to see blame on Kelly, his camp or even the parents of these girls, I am surprised to see Black girls, in general, being distantly blamed for the actions of Kelly and many men like him.I was in the eighth grade when I first saw a classmate of mine being picked up in the middle of the day by a young man. I knew it wasn’t her brother, because she was an only child, and it surely wasn’t her father because he was too young. As she hopped in the car, she unzipped her school approved jacket and revealed a ruffled tube top that was all the rage in the early 2000s. I didn’t know her, but as she took her final glance around to see who was watching, she and I made eye contact. I stared at her for just a second before breaking away, but what I noticed was a half smile and a look of fear. I remember going home and telling my grandmother what I saw, and her response was simply, ‘That’s why we teach you what we teach you. So you won’t be out here like that fast ass girl.” While, yes, one can say that the young girl shouldn’t have been in the car with that older man, the same can and should be emphasized that the man shouldn't have been entertaining a 14-year-old to the point she felt comfortable to leave school in the middle of the day.As minute as that particular memory is to me now, the constant warnings of not being a fast girl are always churning in the back of my mind. The warnings about how to act and dress in the presence of a male to not turn him on, I’ve heard so many times that I can’t even count, have been permanently etched into my psyche. Because, as they say, “men are turned on by the slightest thing, and you don’t want to give them any reason to ...”Even now, as a grown adult, I’m cautious about what I wear to the family functions where I’ll be surrounded by all of my uncles and male cousins — who’ve never done anything to me, but I still wouldn’t put it past them. I make sure that my jeans don’t make my butt look too round and plump, or that my white T-shirt doesn’t show too much of the lace detail I have on my bra, which I also strategically thought about when packing. Because for my entire life, I, just like so many other black girls and women, have been taught that our bodies are some sort of trigger. A trigger that at any moment, even when we’re in the humdrum of our daily lives, can unintentionally be pulled by a man.Now, in this era, the question has to be asked: "Why are we putting so much on the girl?” What about holding men and young boys accountable, especially in this day and age? We are currently living in the era of #MeToo, where women are being empowered to speak up and out against the predators, violators, rapists and abusers, who have done horrific things to them. While the #MeToo movement has done great things in casting a light on abusers like Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein, it’s important to note, that one voice, in particular, seems to always be left out. That voice is the Black woman's’ voice, and for some reason, when the Black woman does speak out about her trauma, the Black community especially, becomes eerily silent. For years, Black women have been silenced and ignored, and if and when given the opportunity to be vocal, we are hushed and never taken seriously. This has to change and it has to change now.Black women are never taken seriously because we aren’t viewed as people. The Black female body is viewed as a pleasure tool and has been viewed as such since we were babies. Our thick thighs, round lips, rounder butts and perky, robust breasts have been a symbol of sex and fetishism since the dawn of time, even when we didn’t want it to. We are taught as children too not appear to be overtly sexual. How often do we tell young girls to not wear tight pants around men? I remember my mother telling me that when I was about five years old. Her and my father had a discussion about my body.The conversation centered around them knowing they would have problems with the boys because of my butt, and that when I hit puberty the boys would be all over me. This was a discussion at five, an age where the only thing I had on my mind was Sesame Street and Chuck E. Cheese, and my parents were planning how to keep the boys from knocking their door down — 10 years in advance.We, as a Black community, put too much energy and emphasis, in teaching girls what to do and how to live when it comes to men. When are we going to start teaching boys? Society is no longer in the space where things can be one-sided in terms of action. Teaching one gender how to maneuver around the other, without teaching the other the same, is a problem and tiptoes on the edge of perpetuating rape culture.In its simplest form, rape culture is a cultural norm where sexual violence is normal and victims are blamed for their own assaults. Black girls experience this every day. When we tell young Black girls to change their clothes, as to not entice male family members, this is rape culture. When we say girls are being "fast" by just being girls, that is rape culture. Hypersexualizing the Black girl body is a segue into rape culture.So how do we fix this? Obviously, it won’t happen overnight, but it can begin by holding young boys and men accountable. Stop calling Black girls fast for a boys lack of respectable home training. Instead of putting so much emphasis on teaching "our girls," it’s time to stand the f**k up and teach "our boys" as well. If we’re teaching girls to not dress provocatively, then let’s make sure we’re teaching boys that what a girl is wearing isn’t an invitation for sexual harassment or assault. If we’re going to teach girls to be cautious of how they look at men with their eyes and what they do with their lips, then let’s keep that same energy when we’re teaching boys that the female body wasn’t made for their pleasure and they need to respect women of all ages, shapes and colors. If we’re going to remind young girls that they can’t wear dark colored lip gloss or lip stick, or red nails is the color for whores, then let’s also remind young boys and men that they are not entitled to a woman’s mind, body or time, regardless of what color lipstick she has on, the color of her nails or how short how skirt is.In 2019 and beyond, we have to do better for our future Black men and Black women!Blavitize your inbox! Join our daily newsletter for fresh stories and breaking...

If you’ve spent any time on social media lately, odds are you’re aware of the viral Netflix original movie, Bird Box, starring Sandra Bullock as Malorie, a pregnant artist with very few friends, besides her sister.Bird Box chronicles the story of Malorie and a band of other survivors who take refuge in a house following the invasion of a dark apocalyptic force that drives individuals to commit suicide. The force leaves burning cars, dead bodies and destroyed infrastructure in its path. People who view the force with their eyes succumb to its suicidal influence and end their lives. As long as survivors don’t visualize the outside world with their naked eyes, they remain safe and sane. The force also causes those who are already mentally insane to hunt down survivors and force them to view the outside world. Fortunately, Malorie carries a box of birds with her that warn her when danger is near.Sounds interesting, right?The whole internet sure thought so, with tons of Bird Box memes and gifs flooding  social media outlets in the days leading up to and following Christmas. My Twitter timeline was so infested with Bird Box tweets and jokes that I felt like I was missing out on some great cinematic masterpiece. FOMO got the best of me, and on Christmas day I sat down to watch the movie with my family.I was met with disappointment.Though initially captivating and suspenseful, Bird Box left a lot to be desired plot wise, in my opinion. So many questions were left unanswered.What was the dark force? Where did it come from? What are the backstories of all the survivors who somehow made it to the house of refuge? Why didn’t Malorie die after locking eyes with her sister as she committed suicide? What happened to the two survivors, Felix and Lucy, who snuck out and stole the car while the other survivors in the house weren’t looking? Was the entire world affected by the force? And most importantly, what happened in the five years Malorie and her love interest Tom were left in the house together? How did she not become pregnant again?Had Tom, played by Trevante Rhodes, and I been trapped in that house for five years, there would have been at least four more children born, one for each year we were trapped.These lingering questions weren’t healthy, thought provoking cliffhangers, but rather omitted details essential for simple plot and character development.As a viewer, I felt as if my intelligence had ben insulted. I was left wondering how this movie even went viral. What was the hype? Sure it was entertaining and suspenseful, but there were so many omitted details that I ultimately found the movie quite anticlimactic. I felt bamboozled.The onslaught of Bird Box tweets, memes and inside jokes littering my social media feeds had successfully pulled me into the Bird Box hype, much like how the psychos in the movie physically pulled survivors to the windows to succumb to the destruction around them. Other survivors were lured by the voices of those they held near and dear to them.I was lured to Bird Box by social media, my friends and even my own desire to be in the know, to comprehend all the Bird Box memes (none of which I found funny or particularly creative).As someone who consistently does the most, I began thinking about my feelings towards this movie more deeply. I wondered how often I’d allowed TV and movie streaming services to consume my attention with mediocre story lines and lackluster character development.Are we slowly being lulled into complacency by the easy accessibility of countless hours of shallow entertainment while our dreams and hopes for the future sit collecting dust? Do we jump from one viral TV series to the next, chasing some sense of belonging that comes from being abreast of trending topics?Sure, it’s not that deep to a lot of people. Who says entertainment should also have substance? Some have even argued that Bird Box offers its own takeaways, themes and motifs.My point here is that we’re all susceptible to mindlessly buying into the hype from time to time. We should all aim to be more conscious of how much we allow social media and trending topics to influence what we watch or spend our time consuming. Have we given the people we care about or our future goals the same amount of attention?Let’s not become birds trapped in a box of mindless TV/movie consumption.Blavitize your inbox! Join our daily newsletter for fresh stories and breaking...

Bill Cosby, R. Kelly and Brett Kavanaugh are men who are cut from the same cloth, and their women supporters are the thread that binds them, helping to stitch rape culture into the fabric of America. The sexually charged, predatory behavior they have been accused of is trash, and they've been put on full blast with good reason.Recently, each has been forced to deal with a reckoning of sorts, in an effort to hold them accountable for their treatment of women and girls. Bill “Pudding Pop” Cosby received a three to 10 year sentence for his somnophiliac practices against his victim Andrea Constand. Robert “Seems Like Your Ready” Kelly has been feeling the wrath of #MuteRKelly; the campaign has affected the singer’s ticket sales and concert performances. Brett “Beerhead” Kavanaugh’s exploits were made public to the entire nation from the Senate floor, as Dr. Christine Blasey-Ford recounted her encounter with the brazen, soon-to-be Supreme Court justice. Their detractors are relentless in seeing justice served. We’ve seen this in the overwhelming number of Cosby accusers who have come forward; the #MuteRKelly, #MeToo and #TimesUp movements; and — à la Ana Maria Archila, who ran up on Senator Jeff Flake to confront him about his nomination of Kavanaugh.However, supporters of these men are equally dogged. Both Cosby and Kelly’s takedowns have been compared to, or referenced as “public lynchings,” and #TeamRKelly remains adamant that the accused pedophile is not guilty. Meanwhile, Senator Lindsey Graham's insolent defense of Kavanaugh speaks for itself. Interestingly, in all three cases, many of their cheerleaders are women who appear to dismiss the allegations of assault and abuse, perceiving the accused as the victim of lies and negative press. They have even become aggressive toward complete strangers, all in defense of these men.According to The Associate Press, a group of right-wing women flooded Senate phone lines, and even showed up to the Hart Senate Office Building in full support of Kavanaugh, outfitted in disturbing T-shirts that said things like “women for Kavanaugh” and “I stand with Brett.” One of these supporters, who was interviewed by AP, questioned the validity of Ford’s allegations, claiming they were “too timely and strategic.” This display made it painstakingly clear where these women stood on the issue of rape culture.The opinions of Kavanaugh’s supporters are not far fetched from women who continue to be die-hard R. Kelly fans. With every allegation that comes to light, misogynoir is sure to follow. When blog site the Jasmine Brand published an Instagram post that featured the accounts of a Kelly accuser, the victim-blaming erupted as his defenders swarmed the comments: View this post on Instagram Written by Miata Shanay :: #AsanteMcGee, one of the many women who has come forth to accuse #RKelly of sexual assault, isn’t done sharing her story. She and fellow alleged member of R. Kelly’s sex ring, #KittiJones, first told their stories to Buzzfeed. They then sat down for the Megan Kelly Show, and Asante is recanting some of the horrific details of her past in a new interview. On the singer’s harsh rules for the “members of his family” (what he called the women involved in his alleged sex ring) she says, “I took him very seriously. When he’s joking you know he’s joking. He wasn’t playing. When he said ‘every time a king enters the room, you stand up’ — you stand up…I don’t care if he goes back and forth ten times, you better stand up and kiss him each time he comes in and out of that room.” Asante continued, recalling needing permission to enter different areas in his Atlanta home. “If we wanted to go in the hallway, we knock on the wall and wait for ...” See the full story on #theJasmineBRAND.com A post shared by the Jasmine BRAND (@thejasminebrand_) on Aug 24, 2018 at 5:48pm PDTOne user, @na.kailya, declared herself “team r Kelly”:But the trolling did not end there. In another IG post, user @carmencaboom went in on alleged Kelly captive Azriel Clary and her family, slut shaming Clary and accusing her family of extortion. She also had quite the advice for the R&B scoundrel:Blavity reached out to both women to get a better understanding of why they would direct such vitriol toward women who have already been traumatized enough, in defense of a celebrity with a reputation for sexual deviance. While @na.kayla did not responded to this request, @carmencaboom initially agreed, but then backed out of the interview, citing impatience. It appeared as though she deleted her comments from the above post, till a colleague was able to access them, thus confirming I had actually been blocked. However, like diamonds, herpes and McDonald's french fries, screenshots are eternal.Oronike Odeleye, co-founder of #MuteRKelly, did share her insight on the oddity of women defending sexual perpetrators.“It starts with a conversation. And I try as best as I can to come from a non-judgemental place, because we're not all sharing the same information. So when I encounter women online who are vehemently telling me, ‘Leave that man [Kelly] alone; y’all just messing with him,’ l first ask that they research his full history, and then come back to me,” Odeleye told Blavity. “And let’s start from there. Can we get on the same plain of information, and then have a loving conversation?” she asked rhetorically.“What’s been transformative for me in the process is when I get other kinds of reactions. It is surprising the amount of women — once you have a conversation with them — end in a whole other place of blame  from where they started,” Odeleye continued. “Many don’t even realize their own trauma. That’s when I realized the importance of engaging in these conversations with people, and not having a knee-jerk ‘you a fool out here supporting a rapist’ type of thing. It really is that some people have never thought about the concept of [sexual misconduct] in a different kind of way.”In Cosby’s case, we cannot forget how the allegations of his victims once fell on the deaf ears of our beloved Phylicia Rashad, Whoopi Goldberg, Jill Scott, Keshia Knight Pulliam and Raven-Symoné. Also, Attorney Monique Pressley seems to have a curious predilection toward defending controversial, problematic men; she has represented both Cosby and Kelly against sexual predatory claims. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, women who’ve been quick to jump to the defense of accused abusers, appear to lack the empathy one would expect them to have for their fellow woman, and seem to underestimate how difficult and risky it is to expose such famous, powerful men.Although Jill Scott and others later changed their tune about Cosby, the rationale behind their initial support seems to be a commonly shared belief among those who choose to blindly defend these men: The accusers are merely motivated by a hidden, self-serving agenda — attention, money and so on. But what those who support and defend these men don’t seem to fully understand is that a man who actively seeks out underage girls is also operating with a secret agenda — to boost his ego by taking advantage of their naiveté. A man who drunkenly overpowers a young girl, pinning her to a bed while ignoring her cries to stop, is also running his own agenda — to fuel his ego and feed his carnal urges by asserting dominance over a vulnerable, young girl. A man who disarms women by drugging them has a hidden agenda — to f**k them without getting their consent.Yes, in a court of law, people should be considered innocent until proven guilty. However, women who claim to be the victim of a sexual assault also deserve the benefit of doubt, in the same manner that it is extended to their accused assailants. But no — humanity and compassion is too tall of an order for women affected by sexual violence. We may never fully understand how or why some women can support men who’ve been accused of sexually abhorrent behavior, and outwardly dismiss, disbelieve and disrespect their alleged victims. But we do know that when it comes to patriarchy and misogyny, they are one and of the same...

When women stay with a man who cheats, they become the butt of many jokes.When Beyoncé gave us Lemonade and Jay-Z’s indiscretions were publicized, many wondered why she didn’t divorce him. To this day, many Beyhivers see Jay-Z as dead weight trailing behind their queen.In a scathing editorial, Babe writer Ari Bines called Bey weak and deemed the self-love bangers “Me, Myself and I” and “Irreplaceable” bulls**t anthems.“Homegirl said 'to the left, to the left' but b***h, I still see Jay right next to you on your Instagram feed,” Bines wrote. “Beyoncé iconic 'Irreplaceable' inspired millions of women who found themselves in dead-end relationships to learn self-respect and kick unfaithful pussy-eaters to the curb. But Bey isn't one to practice what she preaches, clearly.”A more recent example is Kimbella Vanderhee, the long-time girlfriend of rapper Juelz Santana. Santana proposed to Vanderhee in November and what was supposed to be a happy moment became fodder for Black Twitter. Santana was accused of proposing to his lady because he was facing jail time and wanted someone to wait for him on the other side. It got so bad, the Dipset member had to personally defend his fiancée against social media naysayers. View this post on Instagram #TSRClapbackSeason: #JuelzSantana vs fan 👀A post shared by The Shade Room (@theshaderoom) on Nov 27, 2018 at 7:07am PST “N***a you gave her that ring because you bout to go to jail for 2 years,” one wrote."If someone can take ya lady, a ring ain't gonna stop nothing. U just gonna b out of a ring n a lady... stay blessed tho," Santana responded. He was sentenced to 27 months in prison on Wednesday and the relationship appears to be solid.The crap Beyoncé, Kimbella and other women get for staying with their men would lead a rational person to believe women who leave are praised.Well, Cardi B and Ciara would probably beg to differ.Cardi B has been in the middle of a media fiasco since she announced her separation from her frequently unfaithful husband Offset. While Bardi gang cheered, several men, including other serial adulterers, and even some women have been pressuring the “Be Careful” rapper to take him back. When Offset crashed her Rolling Loud fest performance, with the help of her team, some thought it was a display of love. Cardi has been criticized for sticking to her guns. Even people I know personally have chided me for thinking Offset is a master manipulator.Before Cardi, there was Ciara. When Ciara got with fertile Future, many of us groaned and hoped it would be over soon. An engagement ring and baby later, they were done and, eventually, Ciara moved on to current husband Russell Wilson. From the outside looking in, Wilson is everything Future was unwilling to be. He is faithful, an attentive husband and a loving father to their daughter and little Future, despite not being his biological father. The best part? Ciara is clearly happy.But some people don’t think Ciara deserves to be happy because she used to date and procreated with the “Mask Off” rapper. If I could throw a stone through the internet, it would hit 10 men who believe Ciara shouldn’t have been able to move from the so-called bad guy to her quarterback hubby.Watching these relationships and others play out in the media have taught me one thing: women can’t win. When we stay with a no-good ass n***a, we’re chided for being stupid and putting up with their bulls**t. When we leave, we’re considered damaged goods and undeserving of love. In the eyes of patriarchy, women aren’t supposed to win, especially if they’re Black.We’re supposed to be down with our men for whatever. Black women are expected to ride or die. Dassit.As we look forward to 2019, Black women should be empowered to stand by their choices. If you want to stay and work it out with your boo, that’s on you.If you want to get the hell on, get to steppin’ sis.The choice is yours.Blavitize your inbox! Join our daily newsletter for fresh stories and breaking news.Now, check these out:Diddy May Have Just Shut The Whole 'King Of R&B' Debate DownMan Who Shot Tupac In Quad Studios Says Pac's Friend Was Behind The AttackTravis Scott Will Reportedly Perform At Super Bowl LIII With Maroon...

In college, the last thing I wanted to do was stay in on a Friday or Saturday. Typically, plans for the weekend included overcommitting myself to several different functions, all while wearing the finest threads my part-time job in the financial aid office could buy. Fast-forward to nearly six years removed from the undergrad social culture, and these days I shock myself if I manage to stay up past midnight on both Friday and Saturday. I thought I mostly stood alone in this ideology; however, it appears I'm in great company.A June study from Mintel highlighted just how much millennials have distanced themselves from the culture of clubbing. Mintel revealed that approximately 28 percent of individuals who identify as "younger millennials" (aged 24-31) prefer to host kickbacks at home, citing that going out becomes too much of a burden. Even more astonishing, nearly 55 percent of American drinkers would rather entertain in the comfort of their own homes.With a new year upon us and as we re-evaluate our life's decisions, hear are five alternatives to having an entertaining night at home: 1. Host an In-Home 'Grape Gathering'Even though millennials are avoiding the clubs, it doesn't mean they're abstaining from delicious cocktails. That being said, an in-home wine tasting with an appropriate food spread is the perfect way to expand your palette while also making the best of one's evening. You can even get creative with your grape gathering, opting for all-white picks or focusing on a certain region. This list of Black-owned wineries is an apt place to start, when curating your catalog of vino.2. Recreate an Upscale Movie Premiere in the Comfort of Your Own HomeThere are a bevy of iconic films leaving Netflix in January, so a movie night to show one of these films is an ideal way to kill time before the midnight countdown. Developing a menu revolving around said films furthermore ties the entire evening together. If you want to maintain the practice of dressing up on New Year's Eve, provide some professional photography with cocktail attire dress code to get the true movie premiere effect.3. Moderate a Chopped-Style Cooking Competition at HomeIf you and your group enjoy some healthy competition, an entertaining way to decide if your grandmother's macaroni and cheese tastes better with breadcrumbs or an another topping is to put the dish to the test. If space allows, you can also transform your kitchen into a cooking competition set. Identify a key ingredient competitors must utilize in their dishes, and watch your company make the tough decision of which meal reigns supreme.4. Bring the Suspense of an Escape Room to Your Living RoomGiven a strict 60-minute deadline confined in a small room solving a mysterious case, escape rooms utilize problem solving techniques in the most creative ways. Companies have taken the hassle out of going to the venue and instead have made your home the scene of the crime. At home escape kits include the mystery prompt and all clues essential for a lively gathering.5. Reignite a True Rivalry Over a Classic Game NightThere are various ways to play spades, and UNO has players ready to make their own rules. Why not welcome the new year with bragging rights that you won at both? Game night is a fun way to pass the time until midnight while also honing your craft in preparation for a summer cookout in 2019.Whether surrounded by family or friends, the holidays and New Year's Eve are great reminders to practice gratitude. Regardless of what ultimately becomes of your evening, another year is soon upon us so celebrate accordingly.Happy New Year!Blavitize your inbox! Join our daily newsletter for more fresh stories, perspectives and breaking news.Now, check these out:13 Tips To Survive The Dysfunctional Holiday GatheringThe 6 friends You Need In Your Circle In 2019 3 Ways To Avoid Holiday Loneliness This...

It's a new year. The weather has cooled down, sweaters are out, and your ex is hitting you up because they want “that old thing back.” Wait what? Most of us dread this annual cuffing season because we know that means one of our exes will text us or dive into our dm’s,  ceremoniously messaging “hey big head.” Rihanna recently reminded us of this phenomena when she posted a picture on Instagram rocking red underwear from the Savage x Fenty seasonal collection. The internet went crazy when Chris Brown’s posted a surprise emoji along with Meek Mill who commented trophy emoji's. Now… Chris. We all know he’s been in love with her ever since their breakup years ago, but we also know he stalks his ex Karreuche’s page with the same energy.  View this post on Instagram Looks like #ChrisBrown and #MeekMill are feelin’ #Rihanna in her lingerie!A post shared by The Shade Room (@theshaderoom) on Nov 25, 2018 at 10:25am PST So what’s up? Does Chris really miss Rihanna or did he just have a weak moment?  We often ask these same questions when our exes pull this move on us. After racking our brains and possibly feeling a rush of irritation we screenshot the message, share it with our friends and prepare our response. Before you hit send, let us guide through navigating this recurring trap.1. Remember Why You Broke UpThe statement “you broke up for a reason” is not a lie, trust those words as if Yoda said them himself. That “Merry Christmas” text is often disguised as a means to re-open the relationship either permanently or for a temporary holiday booty call. If your ex broke your heart probably have not changed. Keep your guard up and leave the past in the pastThese #tremors in Alaska have lasted longer than the relationship between my ex-boyfriend and I #clapback pic.twitter.com/P9Lfqm8ohS— Orbuculum 101 🔮 (@orbuculum101) December 2, 2018 2. Label Their Contact ‘Hell No’ or ‘Don’t Text Back’If your ex is a serial cuffing season texter you might want to label their contact something that reminds you not to respond to them. When you see the name “they’re crazy, don’t do it sis” or a bunch of vomit emoji’s on your screen, it’ll remind you not to entertain the foolery. Keep it pushing!When they say thank you next but still texting talking about some hey big head 💀 pic.twitter.com/mKYTpnG7QD— ☁️GG (@BTGDolo) November 30, 20183. Keep Thirst Trap Photos To A MinimumSocial media thirst traps are great. It’s a fun way to remind the world that you’ve still got it. But when you are trying to avoid attention from an ex, you might want to hold off on posting anything that may trigger them. Save those photos for the Spring and keep our Instagram feed PG.  View this post on Instagram Been in the gym going hard af this time around & it’s funny how when you start seeing results you go 10x harder !!! Oh’ & God bet not give me no six pack.. on my momma he bet not 😂😂😂 @60daysoffitness @60daysfitgear @60daysoffitnessmeals 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾A post shared by The Game (@losangelesconfidential) on Oct 29, 2018 at 5:09pm PDT 4. Post Subliminal’s About A New BooIf you are dating someone (or even if you aren’t dating someone), this is a good time to post mini subliminal’s about that person. Next time you are at a coffee shop with one of your “friends,” post both of your drinks with heart signs. A cute caption with the words “spending time with you warms my heart” is just enough to make yourself look unavailable. via me.me 5. Make All Text Responses Cut And DryIf your ex has already managed to infiltrate your phone it’s not too late. Whatever you do, don’t engage! Sprinkle your response with blatant disinterest. Reply to his/her message hours later and simply the message down to one or two words. A simple “k” says everything you need. View this post on Instagram #followmypage For more of my daily post. 👊🏾❤ . . #fyeassmemes #kingsmilesmemes #leggygirl1 #bscott_206 #she_gotta_haveit #blackwomenarepoppin #factsonfacts #celebs #lovequotes #relationshipgoals #blacklovequotes #truestory #itiswhatitis #inlove #powercouples #couplesquotes #relationshipsbelike #postivequotes #realshittho #exesbelike #positivevibes #truelove #_love_is_an_art #tagyourfriends #melaninpoppin🍫 #honesty #truthbetold #iconlegendA post shared by LeggyGirl1 (@leggygirl1) on Dec 2, 2018 at 7:09pm PST 6. Ghost From Social MediaWhat if your ex doesn’t have your number but they follow you on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook? As extreme as it may sounds, taking a small break from these outlets may deter your ex from hitting you up. If they aren’t seeing you on their timeline it might help them forget about you entirely. Out of sight, out of mind right? Supposed to be taking a social media break so I can get through these last 2 weeks of school. Deleted it off of my phone. Just to get on it on my laptop pic.twitter.com/7U9b0bGLVJ— Cmoenay (@Cmoenay) December 3, 2018 7. Go On A Twitter Rant About Cuffing SeasonThrow some subtle-shade into your next Twitter post. Consider going on a good rant about people who quickly find a boo during cuffing season that they will eventually drop in Spring. The sub-tweets may let your ex know you are closed for business.  View this post on Instagram When you can't find a meme so you make your own lol! But it's true though, I really don't have time to deal with cuffing season -- i just don't... If you're just interested in me for a season then you're kinda wasting my time bro... #reclaimingmytime #nocuffingseasonA post shared by Ashley Williams (@ashersmonet) on Oct 25, 2017 at 3:15pm PDT 8. Hit The Block ButtonThis could seem obvious, but if you don’t want your ex to contact you ever again, go ahead and hit that block button. Blocking your ex is a more permanent decision, but it’ll prevent that unwanted text. Also cutting ties will help you heal in the long-run.   View this post on Instagram Lmaoooooo 😆😆😆😂😂😂😂 by any means huh?!?! eBay though? #PeopleBeReachin #EbayBeLike #BlockYourEx #OnEverything #YouAreMessagingMeBecauseeee #SundayFunnies #RoxieDigital #RoxieOnRadio1039NYA post shared by Roxie Digital (Dr. BDeLaleu) (@roxiedigital) on Jun 28, 2015 at 2:58pm PDT But if all else fails… just send your ex this gif and keep it pushing: via GIPHY Happy Holiday’s! Blavitize your inbox! Join our daily newsletter for fresh stories and breaking news. Now, check these out:Fake Women Empowerment Is A Thing That Really Shouldn’t Exist At AllWhy Your Ex Needs To Peace Out When A New Partner Is In TownWhy We Must Stop Supporting Beauty Supply Owners Who Don't Respect Black...

2018 was a trying year, and chances are you’ve been tried. The boss tried it, the Uber driver tried it, your mama done tried it and LordT knows white folks had three things this year and that’s -- 1) Blacks, 2) fucked, 3) up. The job is on the line ‘cause that tongue is vicious af; your Uber account was cancelled because you drop-kicked a driver’s door; and as far as Becky and Josh, it was a good thing the homie had bail out money. Your nerves were tested. People wanted them hands. Some of ‘em even got them; all but moms duke -- you had to charge it to the game --  because mamas. You’d think folks would know better, but apparently not. But it’s a good thing Black Jesus knows your heart. You’ve got to change that behavior from the 2018 ‘cause 2019 is taking over. It’s a new year and a new you is on the horizon. You can no longer resort to ass-whoopings and full reads. It ain’t worth the assault charge or the mental taxation; it just ain’t. Moving forward into the Year of our Lord 2019, here are seven ways to prevent yourself from throwing hands:Breathe, Bihh.People take pleasure in petty. Let them, but don’t take the bait of going back and forth with these niggas. When you get a whiff of those lowly invitations -- pause, count to 10 and breathe. Deep breathes are a healant on multiple levels. They relieve anxiety, stress and negative thoughts like punching an asshole in the throat.Bless, Bihh.When you find yourself surrounded by fuck people and shit starters, breathing may not always do the trick. Still you can’t physically react to all the messiness. These are the times you have to ask yourself, “What would Jesus do in a situation like this?” He would bestow the good benediction upon those wretched souls. So instead of laying actual hands on folk do it figuratively. Bless their hearts. It’s like saying, “Fuck you,” in the name of Jesus.Retreat, BihhWhen bullshit hits the fan and has you ready to snatch some corporate wigs -- retreat. Now, a sauna, spa or steam room won’t always be accessible. However, the closest restroom always offers respite. The bathroom is a private go-to where you can lose your shit, figuratively and literally, without losing your job. Just know you are never alone in your need to deescalate a smackdown. Be kind and make space for others to decompress as well.Meditate, BihhBlock it all out. Folks underestimate the power of meditation. It makes you mindful, decreases blood pressures, calms nerves. In other words, it balances you and eliminates thoughts of ringing somebody’s neck.Workout, BihhWorking out is a good way to blow steam when you really wanna bust some foreheads. But forget that, lace them nikeys up and just do it -- workout that is. Trap it out, BihhWhat better place is there to rise above righteous indignation while avoiding central bookings? On trap songs, you get cuss somebody out, talk about their mama, shit on their existence and whoop that arse in under four minutes. You can even hit replay and do it again.Let ‘em know, BihhNow, these exercises in restraint won’t stop people from trying it, but they will stop you from going there. In the words of Plies, our favorite niggavangelist, you may have to let fuck people know exactly where you stand with them.New you ain’t gots be violent at the expense of ig’nant people. Nah. Incorporate these in ya life, and watch how peaceful and fruitfully abundant life will become. Retire them hands. Smile, Bihh.Liking this content? Check these out:5 Tips To Help You Manage Your Mental Health During The Holidays What Being A Unicorn Really Means And How To Channel Positivity In Your Career Keep That Same Energy: 13 Tips To Stay Inspired And Get Things Done Before The New...