opinion

I’m Not Religious, I’m More Spiritual: What Does This Actually Mean?

“I’m not religious, I’m more spiritual.”A quote I often hear within my generation, especially from black millennials. I also normally receive this response after inviting a friend to church. To someone who is considered “religious” because I attend church more than I don’t, I find this statement quite offensive—but I completely understand its roots.For many of us within the black community, growing up in church was not an option—it was mandatory. There was Sunday service, Sunday school, Monday night prayer meetings, Tuesday night choir rehearsal, Wednesday night bible study, Thursday night revival, Friday night power hour, children’s church, teen church, summer youth explosion, vacation bible school, and let’s not forget the New Year’s Eve lock-in and Hallelujah Night, an alternative service for those who weren’t allowed to trick-or-treat and participate in Halloween. That’s a lot! I get it. But I didn’t grow up that way. I didn’t grow up going to church every single day. I never participated in a New Year’s Eve lock-in, and it wasn’t until recently that I learned about Hallelujah Night. But because I now attend church multiple days a week, I’m considered more religious than spiritual?I think the term "spiritual" has been misconstrued with praying when in need, reading your bible from time to time, and forsaking the assembling together (i.e. not going to church). However, what spirituality should be connected with is relationship. There’s a difference between religion-ship and relation-ship! Religion-ship is a term that many of us unknowingly attach to the “more than Sunday” church attendees, especially in Christianity. What I believe religion-ship to be is the practice of following old doctrine, or in layman terms, those who follow the “rules and regulations” from the Bible out of obligation. That’s not what I know church to be. I attend church because I want to, not because I’m obligated to or because it’s “the right thing to do.” I obey the words in the Bible because I want to and it brings my heart joy, not because it's what I'm "expected to do." I look to church as school. It’s where I receive instruction, information and further explanation of those things I read in the Bible. Just like while in school, teachers and professors were necessary, I believe the same is true for pastors. They have a level of knowledge and understanding that we need to grow spiritually. A lot of times, I also hear the quote, “I don’t have a problem with church, it’s the people. They’re hypocrites.” I often use the verbal illustration of comparing church to a hospital. When you go to a doctor’s office or hospital, you will find sick and hurting people looking for help. The same is true for church. Church is not where perfect people congregate to show how holy they are, it’s where hurt people, those in need of the Savior, go to receive help. Again, pastors are the doctors of the church, we NEED them to survive and live better.Now, am I saying you develop a spiritual relationship through attending church regularly? Absolutely not! Attending church regularly is a way to build a spiritual foundation and further develop your relationship. I look at church as the eggs in the cake batter and the icing on top. It helps to hold everything together while also adding to what you are already doing outside of the church doors. Look at your spouse or significant other, your parents, your best friends, or even your enemies/haters—a relationship is built by trust and choice, not obligation. Just like in any relationship, it is groomed by time. I choose to go to church. I choose to dedicate a certain amount of time to reading my bible. I choose to write letters to the Lord. I choose to pray. I choose to sing songs in praise. I choose to be in constant communication with Him. I choose to worship. I choose to fast. I choose to sacrifice outside of Lent. I choose to read spiritual devotionals and other edifying books. Most importantly, I choose to do these things in addition to attending church. Keywords: I and CHOOSE. I choose to do these things because I love Him, not only for what He’s done for me but because of who He is to me. I’ve experienced living life on my own, and it was hard. Building my relationship with Jesus Christ has been a constant journey of decisions and choices—the best decisions and choices of my life! I know that I can’t live my life successfully without Him…and I won’t. I am totally dependent on Jesus in every aspect of my life, and it's the best place to be.Oh, and just as a bonus, church is my reset button! It’s refreshing, replenishing and rejuvenating. Being surrounded by like-minded people, all striving toward the same goal is extremely encouraging!So in closing, the next time I invite you to church and your answer is, “I’m not religious, I’m more spiritual,” don’t be surprised when my response is, “Good—because I’m nowhere near religious. I’m super spiritual! Can you be ready by 9:30...

Stop Blaming R. Kelly For Stuff You Know R. Kelly Does

-Ida Harris • 5 days ago

So R. Kelly running a short-eyes concubine is problematic to n****s—again? Is it bigly problematic or smally problematic? I'm curious. Buzzfeed's reported story on R's pedophilia romps is hella disturbing. It sketches a transaction, of sorts, between a set of parents and the crooner—that is, a booming music career in exchange for a young daughter's p****. Let's be clear. They were star-struck, and knew full well the risk and harm that could occur with their child's talent trusted in his care. They were familiar with the Aaliyah tryst. They knew of the underage sex tape scandal. They—like many decent, well intentioned black folks—still "Step in the Name of Love," at family reunions, bop their heads at the "Backyard Party," and contribute to sold out Buffet Tours. Deep down in the recesses of their dark twisted psyche, they too may believe "Age Ain't Nothing But A Number," and "...getting down ain't nothing but a thang." It pisses me off to the highest pisstivity when the parents attempt to shadow their own complicity, and even more so when they discuss R's sexual deviance so abstractly as if it something theoretic and not a praxis. In a statement they state:“In the back of our minds, we were thinking [my daughter] could be around him if I was with her,” J. said. “It didn’t really hit home. Even with the Aaliyah situation, now that I think about it, ‘Age Ain’t Nothing But a Number’ ... but you don’t think about that. You grew up with the song, and you like the song.”Both parents gloss over their participation. Perhaps they don't understand what sexual predation actually looks like. Perhaps they ain't clear. Let's get clear—real clear:That type of allegiance and trust in the pied piper is tantamount to allowing uncle Virgil to coddle a young daughter in his seat and bounce her toddler butt cheeks all over his khaki concealed grown d***. That's a Disney level lap-dance.It is running to the store and leaving lil' Kiara alone with big brother Leroy, while he rubs her prepubescent c**** with his calloused palms and runs his tongue across her budding t******. I promise you won't see that scene in Moana.It's equivalent to walking in on uncle Leo thrusting his naked hips between thirteen year-old Cheyenne's cocked legs, then quietly back-stepping out the room, and never telling nobody but God.It's babysitting the seventeen year old neighbor's three year-old son by the forty year old landlord, while she takes GED classes every Tuesday and Thursday.It's having a fourteen year-old daughter say cousin Bop has been putting his mouth on her p**** since age five and accusing her of lying—knowing damn well he did the same thing to you at the same damn age. Not to mention, you heard 'bout what he did to cousin Tina and why aunt Tracy sniffs dope.I could go on....and on...for paragraph after paragraph. Hopefully, I've made the point. Perhaps when we call ourselves calling out high-profiled sex predators, we should call out grandma's oldest illegitimate son. He ain't s****. He's a family blemish. He been molesting for decades. Perhaps when we describe sexual pedophilia, we nix all the euphemisms and lay that shit out 'cause sometimes language jades perception. Perhaps when we seek accountability from these grown ass p****-mongers, we hold ourselves accountable for aiding and abetting their fetish for our baby girls, for being quiet, for turning a blind eye. We ain't shit—much like these Atlanta parents who co-signed their daughters...

How Could We Have So Much Hate For Umar, But Love R. Kelly?

D'Juan Hopewell

• 5 days ago

Umar Johnson may have stolen $700,000 for a fictional school and believes black parents should use conversion therapy to "cure" their children of homosexuality but it was his belief that black men should commit themselves to black women that created the greatest backlash from Roland Martin and his panel last week. R. Kelly, on the other hand, enjoyed decades of support despite marrying a child and collecting a litany of allegations and lawsuits from other black girls. Johnson was attacked because he unabashedly advocated for black women but we chose to advocate for Kelly, despite all the black girls who bore the consequences. That it is possible for these parallel realities to exist suggests that we hate black women or have developed a collective indifference that is indistinguishable from hatred. After researching years of allegations against R. Kelly, music journalist Jim DeRogatis concluded that, "Nobody matters less to our society than young black women." Who advocates for black women? Black women are killed by police and because so few people care, we are asked to #SayHerName. Where is the movement challenging the pay gap between black women and white women? We have normalized the invisibility and irrelevance of black women. Umar Johnson's appearance last week on the Roland Martin show was simply another reminder. Johnson was confronted most vigorously -- even by Lauren Burke, a black woman -- for his belief that a black man's "greatest commitment to black people is being committed to a black woman." While Johnson's views on interracial marriage are worthy of scrutiny, that a panel of black thought leaders gave most of their energy to countering a black man's advocacy on behalf of black women is telling. This is especially so when juxtaposed with the years of support we have given to R. Kelly. While there are some who find his behavior problematic, there has never been a passionate movement against the singer. There has never been the will, even among black intellectuals, to confront him with the same conviction Roland Martin and company employed when they defended black men's right to "Becky with the good hair." It is undeniable that Kelly has escaped physical and metaphorical lynching because he chose to target black girls (as in underage). Our collective indifference is appalling and when contrasted with Umar Johnson's reception last week, a clear picture emerges of our disdain for black women. No rational person could conclude otherwise when a serial predator -- based on a marriage license and streams of allegations -- is not immediately castigated but a bold defense of black women is rebuked by black thought leaders. To be sure, those who have directly or indirectly supported R. Kelly over the years are not the same people who publicly sparred with Umar Johnson last week. Further, Umar Johnson has his own share of misogyny to answer for, even if he is strongly in support of black men committing to black women in marriage. The point is that we live in the same world where hatred for Umar Johnson, based on his stance on interracial marriage, and love for R. Kelly is even possible and they both emerge from our view of black women. Period. That a white, music journalist, can plainly see black women matter less than anyone is an indictment on us all. If we protected black women with the same vigor Umar Johnson was attacked with when he stood up for black women, this would be a safe world to raise little black girls. Today our world is not that. We have created a world completely unsafe for black women. Speaking of black men who marry outside of their race, Umar Johnson concluded they don't "think enough about your own people to marry a woman who looks like you." Johnson is wrong. We think enough of black men to launch entire movements like #BlackLivesMatter, prison reform and even pastoral anniversaries in our churches. It is black women we don't think enough about. The same world that makes Umar Johnson a target for criticism is the same world in which R. Kelly has thrived and the two are not...

Hey Emmys, You Forgot To Nominate These 5 Brilliant Performances

Bee Pollard

• 6 days ago

Nominations for the 69th Primetime Emmys were announced midday July 13, evoking mixed reactions amongst the masses. While the topic of diversity seems to have been curbed, as many people of color were rightfully included in this year's nomination class for their extraordinary in television, critics have called to question some pretty major oversights. It's so great to see people like Tituss Burgess, Lena Waithe, Stephen and Donald Glover, Tracee Ellis Ross and countless others receive accolades for their epic work on the small screen. However, when the snubs are clear, they're clear.A few of our culture's best and brightest weren't present on the list of nominees this year. Of course, the committee involved in the selection can't include everyone. So, we've featured some of the performances and series that we know deserved their spot.1. Danielle Brooks, Orange is the New BlackBrooks' performance on the most recent season of OITNB deserves every ounce of attention. Her raw passion and vigorous fight towards justice for Poussey was a sight to see and an emotional rollercoaster we'd willingly ride again and again. She played the role with so much conviction, transforming Taystee from the goofy, loveable live-wire to the powerful force at Litchfield. Taystee became a champion for justice and Brooks was the dedicated individual to take that role to the next level.2. Chapter V, Dear White PeopleWhen news broke that Netflix was adapting Dear White People into a series, we couldn't have been happier. The 2014 film has become a cultural staple and to see this new look on our favorite group of Winchester University students was nothing short of amazing. We couldn't have been prepared for the intensity and artistic brilliance of Chapter V. Master coder and resident woke bae Reggie finds himself in a heated situation at a campus party; unbeknownst to him, at the end of the night, he'd be staring down the barrel of a cop's gun. It was gut-wrenching. It was pure. It was a scene we'd all seen too many times. We can thank Moonlight director Barry Jenkins for bringing the scenes to life, the writers for detailing it so accurately and the cast, particularly Marque Richardson, for the gift he shared on-screen.3. Issa Rae, InsecureNo, really ... what were they thinking?! The brainchild of media maven Issa Rae, Insecure took over our screens and our hearts since its premiere late 2016. Whether you're #LawrenceHive or #TeamIssa, you know you tuned in every Sunday to see gut-busting, relatable storylines from Issa Rae, Yvonne Orji and Jay Ellis. Stand-out moments, like the Debbie Allen-directed "Guilty as F*ck" in which Issa deals with flashbacks of her infidelity and Molly works her way through her mixed feelings for Jared, definitely deserved attention. Let's not even get started on the music supervision provided by Solange Knowles herself. Insecure has more than earned its seat the table.4. Queen SugarAnother snub that had us all scratching our head. Certainly a show featuring an all-star cast (Rutina Wesley, Dawn-Leyn Gardner, Kofi Siriboe), a league of extraordinary writers and directors (most of whom are women and people of color, respectively), Ava Duvernay's involvement and Oprah's blessing would be easily considered for several nominations. But, even more than its curb appeal is the intricate look at southern life, family dynamics, the detailed depiction of men and the relevancy of building a black-owned business in a heated climate. Queen Sugar goes there every week with captivating imagery and detailed storylines that bring in the ratings every week. It's a shocker that it's the second season and this conversation is still taking place.5. The New Edition StoryA three-night miniseries. A BET Lifetime Achievement Award. An impending tour. Certainly, the super-talented sextet known as New Edition could've nabbed an Emmy nomination also. Let's face it: The New Edition Story not only brought in crazy ratings and all the nostalgic feels, it was one of the best produced biopics ever. Yes, EVER. The cast shined bright under director Chris Robinson's lens. No detail was forgotten. No moment unillustrated. It was such a hit that the series still possesses a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. If for nothing else, the high levels of #BlackBoyJoy on and off-set is enough to make our hearts flutter.Honorable Mentions: Omari Hardwick in Power, Underground, Danai Guerra in The Walking Dead, The Get DownDo you have other Emmy snubs you'd like to see get their recognition? Comment...

An Open Letter To You, Kings And Queens

kristylovemedia

• 6 days ago

Dear Kings and Queens, I've noticed so many statuses, posts, emotions and disappointments from so many wrong doings in the black communities, and majority of us only raise our voices when the issues resurface. But what we don't see, or...

Can I Have Your Number? Asking For Your Partner's Credit Score While You’re Dating

Paulana Lamonier

• 6 days ago

Imagine you’re thinking about making this ‘potential’ who you’ve been dating for the past few months 'bae.' I mean personality and sense of humor are out of this world, good head on their shoulders, they respect their momma and most importantly they treat you right.What’s next? Well, if you’re absolutely serious about this person being bae, you have to ask them about their credit score. A credit score is a three-digit number, ranging from 300 to 850, that determines an individual’s financial health. Meaning if you want to buy a car, rent an apartment or apply for student loans, whether or not you get approved is based on your credit score. Get a free credit score reading on sites like Credit Karma.Trust us, we know it’s not one of the sexiest or easiest topics of conversations to have on a date, but it’s one that must be had. But if you’re not thinking about building a future with this person, why bother asking them for the credit score, right? After all, surveys show that the number one cause for divorce is conversations about money.Kristen Euretig, certified financial planner and founder of Brooklyn Plans, LLC, says asking someone for their credit score is none of your business until you’re getting to a point where you’re talking about merging lives. Believe it or not, there are also credit score dating websites.Euretig recommended Credit Score Dating, where like-minded, financially-savvy individuals can find each other. Connecting people with the same views on money and money personalities minimizes the stress that money can bring into relationships.Convinced yet?Here are a few questions to ask yourself if and when you should ask potential bae their credit score.Are they producing good fruit?Two things that I’ve learned when it comes to dating is to pay attention to the red flags and you can always tell someone by the fruit they produce.For instance, are they nonchalant about paying bills late, do they have financial goals set in place, or do they always run their credit cards to the max? Are they financially savvy and use Groupon or LivingSocial deals when you go on dates? Aside from financially, how are they as a person? Do they apologize when they’re wrong? Do they stimulate your mind, or does dating this person magnify your weaknesses?If the answers to those questions aren’t as good as you hoped, it’s not too late to make a U-turn and steer clear of a potential disaster. Is this a person I can see myself with?It may be a bit early to ask this question, but it’s necessary. This question alone helps you with the process of elimination. Asking yourself if this a person you can see yourself with for the long run helps you not only keep your dating life simple, but if the answer is no, you won’t waste each other’s time.If this is someone you can see yourself with, proceed to question three.When is the right time to ask?When it boils down to having these important conversations, you must remember that there’s a time and place for everything. Asking someone for their credit score is not like asking someone their favorite color. Depending on the person and their financial history, asking them for their credit score is considered very personal, especially if they’ve struggled in the past.Don’t have these financial discussions in closed places where other people can listen in like on the train, a plane or even at the movies. As an alternative, you can ask your date these questions at dinner, in the car with just you two or at each other’s places.Aside from where to have this convo, the conversation must be right. Going from talking about Phil Jackson and the Knicks going their separate ways to talking about your credit scores is not only random but can throw the conversation off. You can start off by asking them about their career and financial goals and if they plan on traveling. As your date goes into depth about their financial goals, perhaps you can ask them their credit score. It's vital to not push too hard if they’re not ready to open up.If you have great vibes and chemistry, the conversation will lead...

Why Teaching A Child How To Counter Instant Gratification Is Important

DeForest B. Soaries, Jr.

• 9 days ago

When I was a young child, I used to wonder how an ocean liner would fit down my northern New Jersey street because I so often heard my father speak of the day his “ship would come in.” Of course, later I learned this was a figure of speech. But as I grew up, I also observed how my mother was the queen of the store layaway. Today, when I mention this concept to young people at my church it seems as archaic to them as outdated rotary phones and eight-track tapes. We no longer have a culture of delayed gratification. Yet my parents taught me, by word and example, a basic tenant of debt-free living: wait to buy something until you can afford to pay for it.Anything worth knowing and believing is worth sharing with our children. The family was designed to be the primary transmitter of values and the main venue for human growth and development. When our families are functioning exceptionally, parents do more than passively support their children and pay the bills. Exceptional parents are the shapers and molders of their families.While planning summer activities for your children, take the opportunity to start talking to them about money. One of the greatest legacies you can leave for children is to teach them fiscal responsibility. Even if you are in debt yourself and still working toward financial freedom, take the time now to ensure your children and others form good money habits.Remember that study from last summer that revealed that the income gap between black and white Americans is so enormous that it would take 228 years for blacks to get what whites now have? That study predicts blacks will never catch up without extreme measures. Yet, we can reverse those trends within generations and it starts with talking to our children about money.Think about how money was handled when you were growing up. In many households, it was a topic that was rarely discussed. Yet, think about how most millennials have been raised—with parents sacrificing so they could be spoiled with luxuries. Even when living in their parents’ homes, millennials today are some of the people who are the most broke and lacking in knowledge about how to find and maintain financial freedom. Let’s not do that to another generation.One of the most important things you can discuss with a child is how to counter instant gratification. Just like a lot of negative things that society uses to tempt children, developing the habit of instant gratification can lead to a life full of stress. It’s important that you counter the barrage of cultural messages that leave children believing they must have things and have them now to be happy.Trust me, children would rather have your time and attention than any “thing.” So why not spend more time with them doing things like playing board games and encouraging the child to be the banker. Teach them how to clip coupons or let them teach you how to use coupon apps and go grocery shopping together—with a calculator. Encourage them to be entrepreneurs and take time to help them develop their business plans and budget.If time is an issue, there are other important things to do for your children, such as ensuring they have a savings account, teaching them long-term planning by making them save their own money for things they want and allowing them to participate in or witness family budget conversations. I still remember the many things that my twin boys had to have—that suddenly became so much less important when they were required to buy them with their own money.Your company probably provides you with incentives to give money by offering matching funds. Why not do the same with children? You can also give them summer assignments such as letting them research good causes on sites such as Go Fund Me. This may encourage them to learn more about the value of the dollar and, even more importantly, the value of helping others.One of the most important things I stress when teaching people about financial freedom is that they must create life goals. When is the last time you had a serious conversation with your child about what they want for the future? In this time of heightened unrest and division in our country, you might not be surprised if your child has a negative outlook or doesn’t want to talk about the future. But it’s your job to provide comfort, assurance and a path to a better future. Make sure our children have life goals and the ability to achieve them.One of our great heroes, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., had such profound respect for the power of young people that he started training children as young as age 7 how to join the civil rights movement. He knew that great and lasting change requires generational integration.As Frederick Douglass once said, “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken [humans].” The next time you hand a child a dollar bill, attach a lesson to...

Why Being Put In The Friend Zone Is Not The End Of World

Asher Primus

• 10 days ago

Prior to writing this, I had learned through social media that my recent college crush is single. So, I waited a couple days to ask her out or at least talk more personally with each other. Despite my feelings for her, I was put into the...

How Your Gifts Empower You To Make A Difference Where You Are

vincentcountry

• 10 days ago

As we embark on life in the United States current climate of division and lack of compassion, it is imperative that everyone has an opportunity to find their area of effectiveness. People may feel great disdain towards what they see playing out right before their eyes, but are not quit sure what they can do. For those who have organically been able to plug into activism on some level, keep fighting the good fight of faith! For those who are still trying to figure out what they can do, make a difference where you are. We are all power packed with gifts, and our ability to tap into those gifts puts us on the road called purpose.For far too long the pursuit of life has been trying to fit into these boxes, designed and created to stifle us from becoming all that we are created to be. To compact this tragedy, folks do not even realize the shear robotics of the steps they have traveled for so long. Greatness spawns out of our unwillingness to be like everyone else. Absolutely no one is created to be the same; so trying to fit into someone else’s mold is suicide while breathing. Our power lies within our ability to be our authentic selves.My personal road traveled put me in hot pursuit of my authentic self. Making a difference has been and is even more important to me today. When I consider history and how remarkably gifted and resilient black people are, my soul is set ablaze to get young ladies and gentlemen to tap into their authentic self. My form of activism is to get young people to reimagine their circumstances. Train them to use the all-consuming fire of their circumstances to be the fuel for their rocket to catapult them into their destiny. I was in my late 30’s when I learned this life-skill. Young lives are not reaching full potential, and it is not because they are incapable. Things that matter to adults often times lack to resonate with young people. It is quit hypocritical for adults to dismiss young people as if we always had it all together!I know the power of investing into young lives, empowering them to live. I myself journeyed through numerous all consuming and life altering fires, teenage motherhood, abusive relationships as a teen, drug addict parents…I could go on. My point being, along the way adults who cared and look beyond my circumstances spoke to the queen in me. All of those circumstances have been fuel for my rocket. Purpose is a lifestyle, not a mere one-time occurrence resulting from a moment in time. While things look and feel crazy in this country, tap into your gift so even beyond the moment you will live on purpose with a purpose. Your gifts will allow you to make a positive difference where you are; henceforth making a positive difference in your community and even in the world. There is no box that can contain the gifts that are inside of...

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I’m Not Religious, I’m More Spiritual: What Does This Actually Mean?

I’m Not Religious, I’m More Spiritual: What Does This Actually Mean?

Stop Blaming R. Kelly For Stuff You Know R. Kelly Does

How Could We Have So Much Hate For Umar, But Love R. Kelly?

Hey Emmys, You Forgot To Nominate These 5 Brilliant Performances

An Open Letter To You, Kings And Queens

Can I Have Your Number? Asking For Your Partner's Credit Score While You’re Dating

Why Teaching A Child How To Counter Instant Gratification Is Important

Why Being Put In The Friend Zone Is Not The End Of World

How Your Gifts Empower You To Make A Difference Where You Are

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