Shame On Those Who Shame Victims Of Abuse
If you're shaming you, too, are an abuser.
If you hopped on the Twitterverse last week, you may have seen #UFCyoungboy become a trending topic. You likely associated it with wrestling and paid it no mind if UFC isn't your cup of tea. But the hashtag represented a much crueler pastime birthed from a culture of misogynoir and victim-blaming.Louisiana rapper Youngboy NBA and his on-again, off-again girlfriend Jania Jackson have been linked for over a year. The two share a virtual history of questionable behavior, physical violence and a pending court case as a result of the latter. On February 25, TMZ posted a hotel security video which showed the artist body-slamming his then-girlfriend to the ground, yanking her and forcing her back into a hotel room when she attempts to run off. The platform reported that when police arrived, blood was found in the couple's room and the pair gone. Hours later, Youngboy was arrested on his tour bus by Tallahassee authorities for assault and kidnapping; allegedly a court order, restricting the couple from contact, is in place. Jackson has since denied claims she was physically abused saying, “that’s just how we play.”In more recent days, Jackson was seen donning a black eye in which she initially claimed, via Instagram Live, was caused by boiling water:NBA YoungBoy babymama #Jania went live to explain to viewers what happened to her eye.. pic.twitter.com/1lYdD1pZ77— say cheese (@Saycheese_Media) August 28, 2018The wound and the spectacle lead to the creation of #UFCyoungboy on Twitter. Social media users assumed the rapper was responsible for the young woman’s bruise, and true to form -- went in. While some people admonished Youngboy for abuse, the majority clowned and ridiculed Jackson for her undying allegiance to the rapper -- and for taking an “ass whooping.”#MarquisSpeaks on the Black-eye debacle of #NBAYoungBoy’s girlfriend. ➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖#NoMoreQuestion #Jania #UFCYoungboy #WNBAYoungboy #MMAYoungboy #TKOYoungboy pic.twitter.com/FhXaDKdJuT— Canice Nnanna (@Canice100K) August 30, 2018 Jackson later admitted the black eye was caused by her father, and was further clowned:
#NBAYoungBoy’s girlfriend #Jania recently revealed that it wasn’t water that jumped out of a pot at her, but that her father hit her once he found out she was pregnant. #Roommates, let’s continue to keep her in our prayers 🙏🏾
A post shared by The Shade Room (@theshaderoom) on Aug 28, 2018 at 5:40pm PDTWhile the jonesing and mocking of Jackson is all fun and foolishness for some, it is victim-shaming at its finest. And quite frankly, is harmful as f**k. So while people are out here dragging folks for poor choices, they’re making some really f**ked up choices themselves. They, too, have decided to join abusers in the victimization of the abused -- not knowing, or not caring, that the consequences of these actions have serious implications.“When women identify with the likes of someone with a reputation like Youngboy NBA, they suffer Stockholm syndrome -- they identify with the abuser -- they show compassion to the abuser while negating their trauma. They are groomed to either cover up, deny, or suppress feelings,” Nadine Josephs, L.P.C., said. “Victim shaming advances Stockholm syndrome. It prevents the abused from addressing the reality and severity of their abuse and when they are taunted, or unsupported, this essentially pushes them back into the arms of the abuser.”The mob culture we live in has the social media webisphere perceiving Jackson’s actions as mere mindless behavior when it is really a form of trauma and has people responding with vitriol and judgement, when what’s needed is care and concern; now, more so than ever. The young woman announced she is expecting a child with Youngboy NBA. Jackson is among many women who find themselves at the center of abuse, not just from their abuser, but the public as well.Asante McGee, one of R. Kelly's sex cult accusers, was hesitant about revealing the alleged psychological abuse she endured during her involvement with the singer. She was afraid of betraying him and being lambasted by court of public opinion.Josephs says there’s a reason for this, too.“Victims are taught to be sympathetically drawn to their abuser because perhaps that person pays the bills, is relied on exponentially, is a favored member of society and just has issues; internalizing this allows the victim to negate reality,” Josephs said."Abusers know what to say and do; they’re able to see where their victims’ weakness lies and they use that to manipulate and gaslight their victims," she continued. "Victim blamers, on the other hand, don’t get this part of abuse. So along with abusers, they add to convincing victims to believe they are at fault for their abuse and their pain.”When McGee revealed her toxic encounter to Teen Vogue, not only was she accused of lying and being complicit in her own abuse, she was dragged and harassed for not handling it in the “appropriate” way.
Written by Miata Shanay :: #AsanteMcGee, one of the many women who has come forth to accuse #RKelly of sexual assault, isn’t done sharing her story. She and fellow alleged member of R. Kelly’s sex ring, #KittiJones, first told their stories to Buzzfeed. They then sat down for the Megan Kelly Show, and Asante is recanting some of the horrific details of her past in a new interview. On the singer’s harsh rules for the “members of his family” (what he called the women involved in his alleged sex ring) she says, “I took him very seriously. When he’s joking you know he’s joking. He wasn’t playing. When he said ‘every time a king enters the room, you stand up’ — you stand up…I don’t care if he goes back and forth ten times, you better stand up and kiss him each time he comes in and out of that room.” Asante continued, recalling needing permission to enter different areas in his Atlanta home. “If we wanted to go in the hallway, we knock on the wall and wait for ...” See the full story on #theJasmineBRAND.com
A post shared by the Jasmine BRAND (@thejasminebrand_) on Aug 24, 2018 at 5:48pm PDTMcGee told Blavity the constant trolling caused her to spiral into a depression."It makes me regret even speaking out," she said. "Either people accuse me of doing it for money, or think I waited [too many] years, after I left, to speak now.”In a phone conversation, McGee also stated she was abused as a child. And if what Jackson stated is true -- that her father blackened her eye -- then she and McGee are statistically liable to end up in abusive relationships. They make the perfect victims. According to data from The National Domestic Violence Hotline, child abuse and intimate partner abuse is closely related. 40 percent of those affected by domestic violence were abused as children and were 15 times more prone than the national average to experience mental and sexual abuse as adults.A study conducted by the Institute for Women's Policy Research revealed black women and girls experience psychological violence, including “humiliation, insults, name-calling, and coercive control” at a higher rate than other races. With an estimated 2.46 billion social media users projected for 2019, there is no need to wonder where most of the victim shaming stems from.Despite the seemingly irresistible inclination to judge the circumstances and decision making of victims whose shoes you haven't been placed in, their journey and pain is not ours -- no matter how public. McGee’s incident follows a long history of abuse. Spectacles such as Jackson’s are often a call for attention or help. Mocking them with negative comments and doubling down with judgment is a detriment, and says far more about you than it does them.It places you on the wrong side of their victimhood alongside their abuser, further facilitating their pain and hindering their healing. There is a fine line between critique and judgement. Tread lightly....
