On August 15, 2015, nearly three months after graduating from Spelman College, I moved to Chapel Hill, North Carolina. My parents stayed for the entire weekend to help me get settled. They left on Sunday. As they hugged me goodbye in the parking lot, a rush of emotion came over me as I began to cry my eyes out. I wasn’t new to North Carolina, in fact I grew up in Fayetteville and lived there for about eight years while my Dad was stationed at Ft. Bragg. I had moved from state to state my entire life. So why was this move so different? Why did this move hurt so much? As my parents prepared to leave, it suddenly hit me that I wasn’t in Atlanta anymore.
The next few months were bittersweet as I attempted to transition to my new life as a 1L at UNC. It was difficult to transition from an HBCU to a PWI, from undergrad to law school, and from Atlanta to Chapel Hill. The entire transition was trying. As I reflect upon my first year, here are a few things I learned:
Manage your expectations
In the words of @TheCosby, “Manage your expectations.”
Throughout the year, I would constantly find myself saying “In Atlanta we have…” or, “At Spelman we used to…” I was never content; I was always expecting more. And much of what I expected was unrealistic. I would’ve been much happier if I would’ve managed my expectations and accepted reality. The harsh reality is that undergrad is over, it’s not coming back, and the real world is a different world. As wonderful as undergrad and your old city might have been, you have to put unrealistic expectations aside so you can fully appreciate the present.
Feel free to take a step back
Sometimes it’s necessary to take a step back. Social media hiatuses are good for the soul.
I found it difficult to embrace being in Chapel Hill because I longed to be in Atlanta. And social media made it worse. Every time I opened up Snapchat and Instagram, I would see people at Hump Wednesday, Market Friday or Hole in the Wall. I remember taking breaks from studying for my Criminal Law final and watching Class of 2016’s snaps of them at Toga.
Being the old guy in the club is sad. Wanting to be the old guy in the club is also sad. You have to know when to let it go (physically and mentally).
Find a new village (and don’t forget about your old one)
It takes a village to be successful. Everybody needs somebody. Don’t be afraid to reach out to black professors or co-workers.
One of the few things that actually I did correctly was find a new village. I reached out to the (VERY few) black professors at my school and spoke with them. And of course they were open and friendly. I also became active with BLSA (The Black Law Student Association). In fact, next year I’ll be serving as President. I value the connections that I’ve made because they “get it.” Knowing you always have people you can go to makes the transition bearable.
Also, while building your new village, don’t forget about your old one. In the age of FaceTime, iMessage and GroupMe, there’s no excuse for abandoning your family and friends. People make time for what’s important. Never forget about those who helped you get to where you are. A short message or 15-minute FaceTime can go a long way.
Become active on campus (or at work)
“You’re either at the table or on the menu.”
If you’re pursuing a graduate or professional degree, become active on campus. It’s a great way to make friends, but more importantly, it helps keep you in the loop and gives you the ability to possibly shape the campus and influence the culture. Similarly, it’s important to be active at work, even after hours. You’d be surprised how much business is conducted after five and at bars.
When I arrived at UNC, I knew that I wanted to be active because this is where I would be spending the next three years of my life. I wanted to help create the best environment possible. If you’re ignorant about important decisions being made on campus, that means that you can only do one thing, react. I wanted to be at the table taking part in the decision-making, or at least be present and knowledgeable about what was going on. Being proactive > Being reactive.
Practice self-care
If you don’t take breaks, your body will force you to.
Practicing self-care and managing stress are critical to success in a new city. Whether you’re pursuing another degree or working, it’s necessary to preserve your mental and physical health. Failing to carve out time for self-care and relaxation can lead to burnout. Fatigue, anxiety and depression are real. Developing a new hobby such as jogging or baking might sound a bit cliché, but self-care is necessary to help strike a balance so your body doesn’t shut down on you. In a high-stress environment such as law school, I found myself on edge a lot, but brief periods of relaxation helped take some of the edge off.
Embrace the new city
There’s always something to do.
Unless you’re pursuing your next degree or working in the Middle of Nowhere, USA, there’s going to be something to do. Even small cities and college towns have restaurants and bars. Although Chapel Hill is small, it has stuff to offer and it’s charming in its own way. It’s home to the best basketball team in the NCAA (Yeah, I said it) and Franklin Street is legendary.
Don’t forget to go back home
Part of leaving your old city, is knowing when to come back.
You obviously shouldn’t be visiting every weekend (you left for a reason), but there’s nothing wrong with going home. Your friends will be happy to see you, and things will pick right back up as if you never left. Leaving your old city will make you appreciate it more. (I swear American Deli tasted better when I came back for homecoming.)
If I could turn back the hands of time, I would still leave Atlanta. I would do it all over again. I needed to leave Atlanta to grow and move into the next phase of my life.
Never be afraid to leave home. The entire world is waiting for you.
