If you're dating in New York City—or any major city for that matter—sometimes it can feel like a bad joke; one filled with flaky suitors and late night "hey stranger" texts. This is why this is the only time you can strike the comparison between Melania Trump's recent virality, with your lived experience.
Before we progress with the shenanigans, let's make it absolutely crystal clear that this does not mean it's time to acknowledge and/or embrace everyone else's first lady or 45th. This simply means that Black Twitter (thank God), has turned a very sad situation into a comedy. Whether or not we are witnessing the devolution of the presidential legacy our dear Barack and Michelle have left behind is an entirely different issue. So if we must watch this legacy come to a skidding halt, we might as well laugh.
I think Crissle's tweet about this sums up my sentiments exactly:
I love this but Melania Armitage aint gon fool me. ???????? https://t.co/CzhM0fjLym
— king crissle (@crissles) May 22, 2017
Melania, by a stroke of luck, managed to impress us all and (dare I say) made us laugh, thinking about the painful moments from our dating lives. Look back on these moments with a glass of wine and be glad they're over with.
1. When they try to be affectionate in public, but #yalldontgotogether
lol watch melania's hand pic.twitter.com/hQ2FGZL2Q4
— jordan ???? (@JordanUhl) May 22, 2017
But sir/ma'm/you, we've already established that we don't go together. Keep your affection to yourself, please. Otherwise known as "the moment you have to let them know that you want to keep things casual."
2. They invited you, but they ask to "split the bill" on a date
So you're in the business of inviting people outside of their homes, with little to show for it? And to think you ordered an appetizer just to be gracious. Can we just not call it a date then?
3. When you convinced yourself to go, but they're late
So, basically, you left the warmth of your bed, slayed your brows, combed your beard or laid your edges for nothing. And just when you're about to call your Uber, they finally decide to show up?
4. It's the first date and they act a little too sprung
@DaniellaMicaela Nope, still not touching you pic.twitter.com/r1PBmRfbbl
— Mark Gongloff ???? (@markgongloff) May 23, 2017
Backup, just a little. Or a lot.
5. You find out they take relationship advice from Tyrese and Steve Harvey
If they say anything that could easily be in a chapter of "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man," you should just excuse yourself from that entire situation. Only heartache, slut shaming and strict gender roles can come from this situation. Don't play yourself.
6. When you compliment his #Romphim, but he insists on calling it a "one-piece"
Is your masculinity so fragile that we can no longer call it how we see it?
7. You see your other bae at the spot, but you're out with someone else
The true test of a savage is if you decide to speak to them or not. If so, you should answer the "who is that?" or the "oh, you on a date?" with blatant amnesia or deflect. For example, the "Who them? Nah, it's not like that," is a solid go-to.
If y'all don't go together, none of the above is required. Live your life!
8. Bad table manners
This isn't about knowing which fork on your plate is for the salad. Even if you aren't a stickler, the following are a definite no: Chewing with their mouth open, talking while chewing their food, being on their phone the whole time or talking about their ex way too often.
9. They think you owe them a kiss at the end of the date
From personal experience, don't let them walk you to your door or take you back to your place. This is just as annoying as that person you went on one date with, and they always seem to want a hug when you see them. So rather than embarrass them, you oblige. But now isn't the time for that!
The genius of Melania's flick of the wrist is that it can easily be disguised as a weird spasm rather than shade. So, while many of us saw the beauty in this moment, the White House will maintain the facade. But we know better! Sometimes it just doesn't make sense to front like you're comfortable. Sometimes you have to show them that hands get snatched back every day with the quickness, just like Melania's.
