Stop me when this starts to sound familiar.
You meet. You talk (aka text). You date. You smang. You end. You (eventually and hopefully) move on.
Insert several weeks, months or years later when via any method of communication you get the:
“Hey, what’s up.”
(This may or may not be accompanied by the I’ve missed you)
Welcome my friends to the Cuffing Season.
The reason why this happens has been thoroughly discussed since the naming of this phenomenon – but it still doesn’t alleviate the sense of dismay, annoyance and general why it happen feeling.
Now, in a perfect world – these boomerang moments would be met with blank stares, deafening silence (oxymoron much) and a prompt delete.
However, depending on the level of emotional and physical involvement of said person, it’s not so black and white (and we all should know nothing in relationships ever is).
Here are 7 reasons I’ve been guilty of responding to these traps:
Is he hitting me up to tell me to get tested for an S.T.I? That he’s gotten engaged? A tragedy has struck his family? That he loooooooves me and can’t live without me? What’s going on? Why does he still have my number?
Test of wills.
I want to think that I’ve gotten over the person, so I may respond to prove to myself that I have and show the other person that I’m the bigger person who can still be friends. It’s no different from keeping them on your social networks. You don’t want the person to think that you had to drop them, that you are tougher and stronger than that. (
even though you mute them so that you don’t see their tweets and drudge up bad feelings.)
Depending on how things ended, you aren’t sure if the story was supposed to end when and where it did. Maybe it was just a pause for the cause. I met a dude in 2001 and re-connected (innocently, i promise). Four years later – we almost ended up married.
We all have that one person that knows you oh-so-well. That kind of chemistry can be hard to replicate. You want to see if you can catch lightning in a bottle twice or multiple times if you’re lucky.
Two can play that game.
Sometimes you know that it’s just part of a game. They are there chillin, scrolling through their phone. He hits you up and knows that it sent you into a tailspin. He knows you’re hitting up your girls for advice on how to answer it, if you should answer it and when. And after about 30 minutes of analysis…you reply with a cool ‘hey’. How is this different from test of wills? This one is you pretending not to care, even though you really do. Test of wills? – ain’t no half-stepping, it’s clear the wounds are still fresh.
(wait..read me out!). When I attend church, there is usually one part of the sermon that seems to speak directly to me. If you are on any sort of walk with God, you try to believe that what you want, God wants for you. You start thinking that maybe there is a reason they decided to resurface. You think it’s not your job to end something that HE himself is trying to hold together. One mustn’t ignore signs from God right? RIGHT?!?!! no? just me? ok.
Love as we know is not a Disney movie. It isn’t a James Cameron movie. It most CERTAINLY IS NOT a Tyler Perry movie. Real love (#noMary), has obstacles, detours and speed bumps. You may have made a decision with your mind to walk away, but your heart is taking its own sweet time catching up. You respond because Sade said it best: love is stronger than pride.
It’s not a coincidence that cuffing season coincides with the fall/winter months, and major family/boo’d up holidays (NYE). You may be getting not-so-subtle hints from your family. The images that bombard you at the holidays, start to affect you. The time to take stock of your life and write resolutions comes around. Sometimes, there isn’t malicious intent behind the boomerang. Sometimes you are just missed.
Whatever your reasons for replying (or not), my only advice is to keep it real with yourself. There are no right or wrong moves since the only person’s action and reaction you can control are yours.
May the odds be ever in your favor.
What say you? have i forgotten any reasons as to why you would respond to the boomerang? are you guilty of the boomerang? or have you fallen into the trap? Have you had any success with the cuffing draft? Let me know in the comments and make sure to sign up for the Bulletin’s email address to get more life essential posts below