A new book hit the shelves (when we still had shelves for them to hit). It was authored by comedian and talk show host Steve Harvey. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment took the world by storm. On the surface it could’ve been considered a tongue-in-cheek approach to the “men are from mars/women are from venus” popular saying. Most people only knew Steve as a comedian, so it couldn’t be anything serious, right?

A man who has been married three times wrote a 232-page book telling women how to be women in order to get a man. His “expertise” comes from being a man and talking to men about women. In essence, he managed to turn the barbershop, basketball court and BBQ conversation into a financial success.

Three years later he managed to turn his best-selling book into a mainstream box-office smash. It also spawned a legion of imitators using odd logic, misogynistic anti-women ideas to sway male and female followers alike. It spurred not only a new generation of men who would want to follow his lead, but also created yet another conflict among women who already have to deal with contradictory messages in society on what defines a lady.

Social media, for all of its good, still has downsides. One is that it gives anyone and everyone a platform. All someone needs is a group of people that are willing to follow, co-sign and go-to-bat for them and boom — anyone can call themselves a life and relationship coach with only their personal experiences as their credentials.

Men like Chey B and Tariq Nasheed are given social and financial incentive to continue to spread their misguided and sometimes very dangerous “advice” to thousands of people, some who truly believe the unfounded things they say.

But who exactly is to blame for the rise of these men? I don’t want to point fingers, but sadly if the women didn’t follow him and co-sign his very sexist statements — he likely wouldn’t exist (at least not in his current role).

But the key question is why do some women continue to support figures like those mentioned here?

Women are constantly being bombarded with the message that their self-worth is measured in how they are perceived by the opposite sex. They must be a lady in the streets and the complete opposite in the sheets. They must be submissive, but not a doormat. They must be assertive, but not aggressive. They must be sexy, but not sexual. All of these conflicting ideas on what it means to be a woman, as well as the multiple studies that report that black women are considered the least desirable on dating websites, can knock someone’s self-esteem down more than a few pegs.

If one of your main goals is to be boo’d up or become a wife, you might look to the source (men) on how to have the odds be ever in your favor of achieving that goal. The problem is not checking the credibility of these sources and blindly going where no woman should go.

Some of these “keeping it real” and “tell it like it is” bloggers and coaches are doing damage because their version of the truth is being preached as fact.

This isn’t about knocking one’s hustle. Steve Harvey is now a household name and a millionaire many times over. Chey has also published a book and launched a book tour. Tariq has several ventures paying his bills. Not everything is going to be for everyone, but we need to get to the root of what is dividing our community instead of playing on the fears that were planted by men in the first place. We talk a lot about the dating game, and some are using their skills to manipulate other players for their own gain.

And as long as there are fans and followers continuing to drink the Kool-Aid, we’ll all lose.

What say you fam? Let us know what you think in the comments section below.

bondage

Chey B

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