The violence of black love
February 04, 2016 at 6:56 am
2016 was supposed to be different. It's been more of the heartbreaking same.
More than the sadness, frustration, anger and disappointment - I'm hurt.
I hurt for the women who have loved and laid down with someone. Who may have had a child with a person they truly never knew. The women who bear all the responsibility, blame and pain of childbirth and rearing. I know — I'm one of them.
I hurt for the women who dare to say no. Who don't believe that any sex being offered by a dude on the street is some she has to accept. Who protects her body and life from the outset before she becomes like the women above. I know — I've been her too.
But most of all?
I'm hurt by the men. Not just the ones who have committed these senseless acts against women and children but by the ones who are silent when this hits the social media streets. The ones who have everything to say when the police kills one of them but seem to eerily echo the #AllLivesMatter crew when a man kills a woman.
“This is a prime example of why women shouldn't have a baby by just anyone”
“She should've known better”
“She was probably rude. If she were polite, he probably wouldn’t have shot her”
Does this sound familiar? Some claimed Mike Brown was a thief. Others said that Tamir Rice was threatening. Many said, “if these thugs just followed the law, pulled up their pants, they wouldn't end up dead”.
That irresponsible victim blaming turns my stomach every time. Because we've seen the evidence that it doesn't work with our own eyes.
And the irony is that I, too, am mimicking the same group. Those that like to counter cries for justice with the: what about black on black crime? Forgetting that according to every law enforcement agency, MOST crime is INTRAracial. Humans primarily and overwhelmingly kill and hurt those that look like them.
All death at the hands of another human is wrong. Period. There's no first place in having your death be more senseless and unjustified than another. I can be horrified by Boko Haram. I can mourn en Francais for France. I can want the police to stop killing my brothers. AND I can want my brothers to stop killing us.
Racism didn't kill Neshante and her toddler. Systemic discrimination, prejudice and bias didn't kill Janese or Mary. Religious fanatics and ruthless power-hungry people didn't either.
But they are still dead. A boulder was dropped in a shallow puddle and this one act will have a lasting ripple effect on not just those that knew and loved these women.
If you are a black woman who knows and loves a black man...this will affect us all.
Although the media likes to remind us otherwise, I know that most of us date, procreate and marry each other. Healthy black love lives all around us. These acts make it just a little bit harder.
Life is already hard enough.