I recruit the best talent to work at my organization. Every day I work with hiring managers to discuss the credentials someone needs to make them a strong candidate. We discuss the nuisances in candidates’ experiences and whether they have the skills to be successful in the role. We conduct a performance task to gain insight into a candidate’s skill level. Insights into their skills let us know whether they can do the job at a high level. So what does all of this have to do with finding love? Well, everything! Similar to how the recruitment process helps you find the best candidate, when in search of love there are some timeless rules that you should consider to find the one for you.

Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned in life and love.

1. Timelines are nice, but it’s better to wait for the right person

Hiring managers often have tight timelines that can lead to selecting the wrong candidate. They often feel the pressure to hire due to being overwhelmed with their workload. Sometimes they’ll settle for a good fit versus waiting for the best fit. Choosing good enough candidates often leads to more work in the long run or even having to fire someone. After a hiring manager makes this mistake, they’re usually willing to wait to hire the right person the second time around.

It’s common for people to have a timeline for when they want to “settle down” or take their relationships more seriously. People might decide their early 20s are for the adventures, mid-20s are for the serious dating, late 20s are for marriage and 30s are for babies. Some decide they want to wait until their late 30s to be serious about anyone and 40s to build a family. Either way, you divide it up in a timeline. I do believe we should think thoughtfully about where we want to be in life. What I find troubling is moving forward with someone solely because of your timeline. If someone does not meet your needs you should wish them well and move on. Too often people pick a partner because they don’t want to be 30 and single. Better to wait for the right person than to settle for the person that can’t do the job or give you what you need.

2. The unicorn does not exist

When it comes to finding the perfect candidate, hiring managers are often disappointed when every person they interview is missing something. So we make hiring managers decide what the non-negotiables are. What are things that are absolutely important that this individual comes to the table with?

Similarly, when evaluating potential partners in love, the unicorn doesn’t exist. And guess what? You’re not his or her unicorn either. There is always going to be something someone is lacking because well, we are human. In love, similar to recruitment, you must decide what is most important to you. For some, it’s faith and family. For others, they want someone who wants to explore the world and live adventurously. Defining what’s most important to you makes finding a lover or candidate much easier. Being unrealistic will have you sitting alone pondering why no one wants to be with your “perfect” self. If you want to be with someone who is well educated, don’t be surprised when he has debt. If being with an extremely ambitious person matters to you, don’t be surprised if you two don’t have as much time for each other. In every relationship you have to be willing to live with your partner’s flaws or you can choose to bask in your solitude of perfection, alone.

3. Transparency builds trust

This seems pretty straightforward, but it’s so hard for people to do. Throughout our recruitment process we do our best to tell candidates if their salary expectations can be met, what questions we have surrounding their work experience and provide a timeline for when they can expect to hear back from us. This transparency lets our candidates know that we respect their time and we want them to know their status. It helps solidify that we are a great company to work for.

So often in relationships, people are afraid to be transparent and upfront. Be honest about what you want and your realistic expectations. There is no perfect time to bring up potential points on contention. However, you should understand your relationship’s development and make the tough conversations a priority. If you want childrenm say that. If you want to move to the opposite side of the country in three years, let them know. If you have a ton of debt because you pursued your MBA, they need to know that. When you wait too long to reveal important information that impacts your relationship, trust can be lost. It’s better to be upfront than to have your partner wondering if you’ll keep secrets.

4. If you know someone’s weakness don’t be surprised when they struggle in that area

In interview debrief meetings we evaluate every candidate’s strengths and weaknesses. We look at their performance task, discuss their responses to our questions and dissect all of the evidence. Based on what the hiring manager said are her non-negotiables and the candidate’s interview, we make a decision. We might choose someone who has a weakness in excel. The hiring manager might decide to coach this individual in this area if he is a fast learner. What is challenging is when the hiring manager complains about an individual not having a skill six months into the job that we knew was a weakness before we offered this person the job.

How is this similar to the search for love? Well, we should spend a good amount of time with an individual before we decide to commit to a relationship. As we get to truly know someone we become aware of their challenges. Once aware, is it really fair to overly criticize someone for who they are? Or should we understand this is a challenge that I can live with or not. Of course people can grow and learn new habits, but shouldn’t we love them for exactly who they are today, flaws and all, and not for who they might become?

5. Be sure about the job description

If you want a dog buy a dog, not a cat. Simple, right? Well, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to relaunch a search because the hiring manager wanted a coordinator then decided they actually needed a manager-level hire. How does this happen? What does this have to do with love?

Too often we open a job search or a boyfriend search without being sure about what we honestly need. Do you want a boyfriend or someone to just have fun with? Are you looking for a serious relationship? Do you care if it’s a long distance relationship? These questions might seem to take away the fun of dating and going with the flow, but when time is such a hot commodity, maybe we should be sure of what we want before we waste someone else’s time. The consequence of not being sure of what you’re looking for is a lot of disappointment and missed expectations by you and/or your lover.

6. Referrals matter

To spread the word about open opportunities, recruiters will post jobs online, reach out to partners and ask our staff for referrals. When we post online I often have to spend hours of my day looking through unimpressive resumes with the hope of finding a needle in a haystack. When our staff and partners refer people for our positions, the candidates are more competitive and tend to have aligned work experience. We love referrals because we know our partners and staff understand our organization and are sending us people who would be a great fit.

How does this translate to finding love? Ask your friends for dating referrals! It’s okay to be honest about your interest in meeting an amazing person. Your friends know your values, what you want, and might be able to connect you to a friend of a friend. Although online dating allows you to filter yourself to the right person, you might also want to consider your own network as a resource.

Conclusion

My experiences as a recruiter push me to evaluate candidates in a holistic way. I have to think thoughtfully about what we need for the position and how this position fits into a candidate’s professional goals. My push is for us to evaluate ourselves to understand our values and non-negotiables before seeking to find love. We must truly understand who we are and what we are looking for before we invite someone else into our lives.

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Philly native currently living in the mean streets of gentrified Brooklyn. Tiffany is passionate about finding diverse talent to work at innovative organizations seeking to transform the world. She ultimately seeks to create a world where people of color can feel empowered in any workplace. Sophistaratchet who loves God, fashion, writing and using her Black Girl Magic. Follow Tiffany on Instagram: TiffanyJazminee and Twitter: TiffanyJazminee.