Dear Miss Almost Perfect,
I understand. Managing the Superwoman ideal is utterly exhausting. The ability to wake up, work out, beat your face, slay your hair, go to work, cook dinner, procure (or keep) a partner and do it all over again tomorrow is truly a gift. Not only are these tasks a part of your everyday routine, but you go above and beyond to be THE best Superwoman this world ever did see…
Let me be honest. I, too, was a tireless perfectionist. Some might have called my attention to detail and sense of cleanliness OCD. I would have argued semantics and continued along my perfect (ish) way. Everything had its place, and every task (sometimes more than four at a time) was planned to the tee. You see, being perfect wasn’t limited to things and events for me. It also meant doing the absolute most to stand out and make it look effortless. I would shop for hours to find a perfectly coordinated outfit for meaningless events. I would even write, edit, re-edit and re-edit papers for class…and Tweets! Y’all, I would not lay my head down without first wrapping my hair and brushing my teeth. I constantly strived to be the Britney Renner of fitness, KanyeBreast of the kitchen, Joan Smalls of style and Beyoncé of the bedroom. Adequacy was never enough.
It wasn’t until after graduate school when my perfect plans did not quite pan out that I started to realize the perfection was truly overrated. Life threw me a few lessons that taught me how to focus my energy towards quality and balance, and not perfectionism. So, to you, Superwoman, I want to pay these six lessons forward to you. And yes, I had to suppress my urge to round the list out to a perfect ten lessons. #SmallVictories. Let go of the ideal, and live life to YOUR best ability! Besides, the early gray hairs and stress lines that accompany perfection are so not worth the fuss!
- Perfectionism suppresses your voice and authenticity.
Don’t be so concerned about the politically correct thing to say or Tweet. Sometimes being overly correct creates a bridge between you and an unlikely mentor, friend or soul mate. Own your character. More importantly, let the world see you and all your weird quirks. It makes for a more entertaining way of life. - The need to control every aspect of your life buffers vulnerability. This is a difficult one to overcome, but baby steps! You can’t control every little thing; let people respond to and process you and all of your quirks as they please. The right people will stay in your life for more than a season. More importantly, they’ll know the real you and not the projection of the perfect person you try to be.
- Your worth is not based on societal definitions of perfection.
Forget the bags under your eyes and your bee-sting-sized boobs. The most beautiful people will embrace the characteristic that once made them insecure. Ask Rihanna’s forehead or Obama’s ears. You’re beautiful, flaws and all. - #YOLO, so indulge in life’s not-so-perfect things. Such as baby back ribs, sleepless (yet eventful) nights and trap music. What is life if you live it like you’re cloaked in bubble wrap? You gotta twerk to keep from stressing every now and then, right?
- There is a difference between perfection and personal excellence.
There is nothing wrong with setting goals and dreaming big. But don’t set the bar so high that you forget to enjoy the journey and embrace your mistakes. Let’s be real, there is a huge difference between running your fastest mile and running a Usain-Bolt-fast mile. The point is to be at your personal best without comparing your journey to others’ plights. Do and be YOUR best self, and have some fun along the way. - Perfect does NOT exist.
It is an impossible illusion. You might momentarily envision it, and maybe even experience a slice of it, but blink and the ideal disappears. Perfection is like a quenchless thirst and aiming for it is like searching for a nonexistent elixir of life. It will leave you exhausted, disappointed and stressed.
The most rewarding experiences of life are rooted in our perfect imperfections. So chill, let your hair down a little bit and be yourself! Perfection is highly overrated, anyway.
Sincerely,
A Recovering Perfectionist
