This piece is part of a 28-day series celebrating modern black love among millennials. It was created by Chuck Marcus and Michelle Nance, exclusively distributed by Blavity.
Brittany and Corey’s relationship spans 12 years. They began dating in high school and have now been married for three years and are raising a small son in Smyrna, Georgia. The couple said they find solace in knowing they both have a deeper, cultural connection to rely on — but one thing they do admit to struggling with is finding other couples who are as committed to the long journey of marriage just like them.
Her: Brittany | 29 | IT Consultant
Him: Corey | 33 | Construction Project Estimator
Relationship Status: Married, 3 Years
Q: What does black love mean to the black community?
Brittany: Black love is the foundation of the black community. Almost everything that makes our community strong and successful can be traced back to a loving family foundation that was initially built on black love. Black love symbolizes hope, which is so vital to keeping our culture vibrant and thriving. Especially in a time when there’s not a lot of hope portrayed elsewhere.
Corey: Black love is a source of empowerment to our community. Real black love is a model for those in our community to see and desire. It means a lot to want to mimic a love that we can relate to, rather than seeing it elsewhere constantly in a community that’s not our own.
Q: Do you think there’s sufficient/significant representation of black love in media? Are you encouraged or discouraged by those you see in real life or in media?
Brittany: No, I can really only think of one representation in the media, and for this to be a day and age of television, movies and podcasts, one is not enough. I do feel like Kenya Barris, creator of Black-ish, does a great job with having a positive example of black love from many perspectives, so I am encouraged by it. For a lot of the other more “popular” media outlets that show any kind of black love, to me, it’s always accompanied with negative influences and “drama” that feeds negative stereotypes that other cultures have about ours.
Corey: I don’t at all. I’m definitely discouraged by what comes across in the media because a majority of it is the complete opposite of what I feel like black love is really about. Fortunately, I do feel encouraged by personal examples of black love through friends and family.
Q: What’s the hardest part about being a millennial in a relationship?
Brittany: Things are just a lot more complicated than I feel like they were for generations before us. Not that we’re trying to keep up with the Joneses, but it seems like to even live simply and realistically, but happy, that entails a lot more than the super simple life our grandparents lived. I also feel like marriage with millennials has become such a “fad” and the popular thing to do, that it’s hard for us to find like-minded couples who are together and happy and truly in love, versus those who thought they were, only to find they jumped the gun.
Corey: There is a lack of role models to look up to who are married and black and happy. You have your few, the Obamas and a few other celebrities, but marriage doesn’t seem to be important in the young black culture anymore.
Q: Previous generations had clear and specific gender roles, how do you two define each other’s roles in your relationship, if at all?
Brittany: This is, by all means, something we still have not perfected, but we definitely work on it everyday. I think we really just try to take the approach that there are things that need to be done for our household and family and whoever has the chance and time to do it first needs to get it done. We haven’t set in place things like, I only cook and clean or, it’s only Corey who does handiwork around the house, because Corey can definitely throw down in the kitchen, and I am no stranger to a drill and a hammer.
Corey: Honesty, we don’t. We both just do what needs to be done, most of the time.
Q: Do you feel pressured by your family to be with someone who looks like you?
Brittany: Definitely not. It was never something that my family tried to push on me, ever.
Corey: Yes. My momma told me not to bring home someone of another race, and, ultimately, I knew I would never marry someone who was not black.
Q: Are there any individual relationship struggles that you had to overcome?
Brittany: Realizing that I was enough for Corey. I wholeheartedly, everyday, think about how amazing he is and how I am so blessed to have him as my husband. For a while I thought, “Why me? How did I get so blessed?” Then I realized that I just wasn’t giving myself enough credit, and being too humble was a downfall because I was worthy and a great catch, myself.
Corey: Being considerate of someone else’s feelings. Admittedly, I was used to doing what I wanted and being a bit selfish. Having to take into consideration another person that I love and care about, and isn’t just going to be here by default because they are family, was a learning curve.
Q: What is it about having a black significant other that impacts you the most?
Brittany: Being able to have someone there who can relate to my struggles and who understands what I go through. For example, at the end of the day, if something has happened at work that toes the race line, or current events that [deal with race], we can have a conversation together about them and both understand each other, more so than we would if we were of a different race.
Corey: The ability to understand the struggle of being black in America. It’s not an easy thing to do, and coming home at the end of the night to someone who feels the same on a lot of things that go on today is comforting and really necessary for me.
