I grew up in Memphis. It’s a pretty segregated, daylight PC, sundown Racist city. I’m not naive enough to think that race ignorance is the same as racism but I am acutely aware of the harm of defending race ignorance specifically for Black People. So let's get into details: I’m at a bar with some close and some new friends. I am the only person in this circle that has had a specifically Black American experience. I am the seed of Enslaved Africans and indentured servants. Let’s be clear, my experience comes with its own set of prejudices and limitations but as an individual, I am opened to education and shameless of my lack of awareness.  

I went to a bar with some friends (I'm the only black girl). This day was close to the heat stirred by Bill Maher’s lofty suggestion that he (a white man) is a “House Nigg(a)er”. It was only right that my Black ass was the sole representative for the entire black community in this bar setting. One of my good sister friends is as race ignorant as they come. She has a kind heart and well-meaning intentions but she did grow up in Miami as a white Cuban Columbian woman and my people let me tell you, every Latino is NOT a POC.  My friend expressed her irritation with the fact that well-celebrated artist, Chance the rapper, told HBO on his platform of 4.2 million Twitter followers to fire Maher. She says that this controversial Late Night Host has been vigilant in his criticism of Trump, praise of Obama and has been overall radical in his colorful political approach. I agree and further researched that he’s featured many leaders of the black community on his show including Cornel West, Samuel Jackson, Joy Reid, Killer Mike, Jay Z and over his 14 years on air there have been many more. So why then, she asks, does he deserve to lose his hard earned platform because of one mistake. Hmmm. Let's list some reasons, not all reasons because I’m not patient enough to write a textbook.

• The word “Nigger” was used by a group of oppressive thinkers and active murderers, rapists, and human traffickers to inflict verbal and emotional abuse on a group of people that did not ask for entry into the Americas.
• The term “House Slave” is largely associated with this “divide and conquer” tactic so successfully used in slavery and since slavery to provide distinction between Blacks who deserved to be close to their white “masters” and those to filthy for contact. It has developed into colorism between "fair" skinned and swarthy blacks, which had probed the minds of generations and is still EXTREMELY relevant in pop culture.
• Maher has gained respect, entry, and appreciation from the community of black intellectuals, which he spat upon by lazily using such an offensive term on such a HUGE platform to an assload of white liberals, a few conservatives and a few blacks.
• Did you hear the people cheering in the background after he said that? I’d bet money that they had faces as pink as his.

With all of this said, I then ask why does a disrespect of this proportion deserve a pardon?

Ok, let’s rewind to the bar setting. I know my friend meant no harm by her statements, in fact, the other darker skinned companions around us felt that the statement deserved context before we “labeled him as a racist”(rolls eyes). These aforementioned “darker skinned companions” are mixed race Dominican and Moroccan American siblings (beautiful humans in and out). They mostly have a mixed group of friends but according to them none of the people closest to them are African American. So as I said before, I was representing the Black Community dolo (they wouldn’t even know what that means). I patiently listened to them focus on why Black people think we can tell other people who can and can’t use the “N” word ESPECIALLY if we use it ourselves. Now, we all know some Black People love and some of us hate that word. I personally love it (The Black adopted version of course). Hip-hop culture has masterfully taken a hateful term and molded it to represent brotherhood, division, affection and disdain. This is a complicated word that I use with pride but have a physical and emotional response from hearing it out of a white person’s mouth or ANY person who has not lived the black experience. *Like, getcho ass on somewhere, you know nothing* . Simply because we have these feelings, I think its enough for “others” to practice not saying it. Black people in America have been through A LOT of shit over the past 200 years and if we stole your hateful word and made it ours and are not emotionally prepared to share it, you need to DEAL with it!

What these bar companions of mine did not understand was if Maher had simply slipped and used the “N” word affectionately to a black friend who has given him a pardon behind closed doors, the reaction might be worthy of a debate. However, this misguided white soul chose to use it in a particularly sensitive context which Black people are still very much healing from and tiptoeing on the outcomes of our own division. No white man gets to casually joke on the specifics of slavery. It’s irresponsible and insensitive and when a person has a platform like Maher’s and gets to request the first Black President for his 60^th birthday, the consequences of such privilege must mirror the perks.

I’m not here to label Maher as a racist, in fact, I don’t think he’s particularly racist. Not any more than the rest of us, he doesn’t deserve a death sentence for that. He's honest complicated and an idiot, like many of us. But quite frankly, when Black Men are being funneled into modern day slavery for having a dime bag of marijuana, my empathy for this fuck up is at an all time low. He’s just way too comfortable and if that means that 24-year-old Chance the Rapper gets to use his HUGE following to bring down and old race ignorant white man, I’m so here for it because we have come so far but Lord knows we have many miles to go.

I love my friends and a topic with this many layers deserves to be discussed many times over amongst the racially aware, the racially ignorant, the Black, White, Latino, African, Indian, Young, Old and everyone in between. These conversations deserve patience and sensitivity on both sides because how can we as Black People gain empathy for our pain without talking with these people who don’t understand how massive their role is in perpetuating racial divide and uneven opportunities. Let’s talk about it, ALL of us because it hurts and it's hard.

I’ll close with this. I’m not mad at my girl and you shouldn’t be either because after talking about heavy race stuff we got drunk, danced and then cried about boys. A well-rounded night indeed.