I vaguely remember my parents ever being together. They separated when I was 3 years old and divorced when I was 4. As a child, I didn't understand why my father would leave. It didn't make sense why two people who supposedly loved each other would just end everything. I thought "Well, what about what I want?" With that, I didn't speak. I never spoke to visitors or family members who came around. My mother would try to get me to talk, but I wouldn't. Within time, she discovered that I actually couldn't.
At the age of 4, I was put into Early Childhood Development because I had a speech impediment and didn't know how to speak. I never realized I was enrolled in Special Education until I was in grammar school. As I walked past the class, a boy named Scottie would wave to me and I'd smile and wave back. Although confused on how I knew him, I wasn't afraid to at least say hello.
My father would come around from time to time. He'd tried to make every dance recital, every play, and every show where I recited a poem. He was a great father — I just didn't understand why he always left. I didn't understand why he didn't live with us anymore. Growing up, I used to be a brat. I would pick fights with my mother yelling about why she let my father leave. I wanted answers as to why my father wasn't able to stay the night with me or why our time together had to come to an end. I was angry with her; angry and hurt because I started to realize I was Daddy's Little Girl.
Once I turned 18, my father wasn't around much. He wasn't there for me the way my mother was and that, too, was confusing. I didn't quite understand but now, at 25, I realized it was because I was a legal adult. He didn't need to be anymore.
I regret ever being angry with my mother. Our relationship developed the minute I left for college and sometimes I feel like it was my fault. Mentally, I was a mess during college, and she was always right there to hear me rant for hours. I created a wall between us when I was younger because I thought she was the reason why my father wasn't with me 24/7. I will always cherish the moments I had with my father and I hope he's well. But my mother? My mother is my champion and I am forever grateful to have her in my life.
Brought to you by Fences, in theaters everywhere on Christmas Day.
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