Mentorship is very difficult to find. The pressures of trying to achieve are daunting, and few are willing to offer a helping hand. At my university, students are lucky if they manage to find someone who is invested in them as a mentee. The investment is not cheap and does not yield guaranteed results for either party. There is also the added difficulty of finding a mentor that shares similar qualities and experiences—someone who will understand your perspective on life.

For myself, it has been nearly impossible to find someone who sees that twinkling light in me, and feel inclined to take the initiative to guide me to success. After spending my entire sophomore year working underneath someone whom I saw much of myself in, I was not offered the mentorship I expected. Instead, I was given vague descriptions of areas I could improve and (in more words than less) told to move on. We talked briefly and they gave the best advice they could muster over a five minute phone call. Although I was disappointed, I reflected and unleashed.

Just like many other college students in a pickle, I called my mother to vent. When I shared how hurt was over the spilled milk of my most recent work relationship, she laughed hysterically. To appease my frustrations, she gave me the most poignant advice I could have received: “Ain’t no one gon' love you like your momma love you.” Granted, this is my mother’s advice for everything, but today it seemed especially applicable.

All year I was blindlessly working to impress someone who was not concerned with my upward trajectory. They neglected to give regular updates and tools that would allow me to thrive and improve as the year progressed.

In an attempt to give positive feedback on the year together, they relayed a project that I spearheaded in my personal time. That feedback combined with the my mother’s advice finally sparked the mantra that I have been missing these past two years: “Ain't nobody gon' love you like you love you.”

I am already the person that I want to be and I already have the tools to get where I need to be in life. Sometimes those certainties may feel blurred, but it will forever be the truth.

Mentorship is a form of love. You won’t get it from just anyone, no matter how much you invest in them. I spent a year investing in a work relationship, when I could have spent that time climbing my own trajectory. The very last piece of feedback that was given to me in our speedy recap of the last year was to “find my voice.” I genuinely believe I’ve always had a voice, however, within the context of this last job, I was not given the tools to express myself.

I was afraid to disappoint, to work outside to confines of micro-management and to push my ideas to the forefront.

If I could be applauded for my extracurricular, then I’m sure my voice was apparent enough already. What I’ve learned, however, is not to let anyone take that voice away. One of the best mentors you’ll have in life is your heart and gut. As you continue to follow those two around, I’m sure you will bump into the right person who can take you where you need to be in life. Until then, don’t succumb to being player two in any aspect of your life.