Married Millennials aren’t always represented in a mainstream narrative. Millennials are seen as unable-to-commit serial daters who have no desire to settle down. And if that’s how you identify, that’s fine, too. But contrary to popular belief, married millennials exist. And the Love Jays, Justin and Joy, are a perfect example of that.

Justin and Joy run the Married Millennials podcast, where they host conversations about being young and in love and managing the everyday life of a married millennial. But before the podcast, they were simply a young couple in love, and somewhere in between they launched their blog, The Love Jays, which covers similar topics in an honest, relatable tone.

But all of this success, both personally and professionally, didn’t come without a hitch. Justin and Joy met the summer going into their freshman year of college at on-campus registration.

“Long story short,” Justin says, “We crossed paths, but I never got her name. That was a few months before school orientation week. During that, the school threw an event where you could meet incoming freshman and we crossed paths again.”

After Justin dropped an “Oooh, hello” Joy’s way, she admits that she whispered to her friends, “Do you hear that guy? As if he has a chance.”

Joy says she wasn’t immediately smitten, but after a few months she realized that Justin was the man she knew she was supposed to marry. Still, the road to ultimate happiness held a few bumps.

“We were kind of hooking up but not dating freshman year first semester because I wasn’t ready to settle down,” Justin says, “The New Year’s came, and I asked her to be my date. Then we started hanging out more and finally made it official. We stayed together through college, but following graduation we broke up for a few months. I was ready to be single and needed space. About every six months throughout college, we had a conversation wondering if we should break up, mostly due to me needing to find my way.”

So after graduation the duo split for a few months but got back together in November of 2011.

After taking some time to themselves and ultimately seeing that together was how they were meant to be, their desire to share their story and to openly talk about maintaining a healthy relationship as married millennials naturally bloomed.

But finding balance and separation between Justin and Joy the couple and The Love Jays the business partners is essential.

“Our podcast, believe it or not, has helped in having healthy relationship,” Joy says, “It forces us to engage with each other every week about any given topic. We have a good healthy banter.”

This stems back to one of the most essential elements of a healthy relationship — communication.

But working together has its challenges too, and there are precautions that couples must take to preserve their relationship and their business.

“You’re super close, but you aren’t the same person,” says Joy, “You work differently. Working together means utilizing each other’s strengths and knowing each other’s weaknesses. Take reigns in different areas and don’t beat each other up. Be a source of encouragement and assist each other. I would say overall that working together is really fun. It’s like our weekly therapy — sitting without a phone, with no distractions, etc. It’s released to a wider audience so it’s not private, but even for couples who don’t have a podcast, I think it’s important to find time to just connect with each other.”

“It’s a slippery slope,” says Justin, “I enjoy working with my wife because we have a goal of accomplishing something together. Having a spouse who supports you 100% in what you want to do is a great feeling you can share. On the flipside, our marriage is our job/business. We have to find balance in being Justin and Joy business partners and husband and wife. It requires time to unplug. We’ll talk and say ‘Today is not a Love Jay day, it’s a Justin and Joy day. No work, no social media, just husband and wife.’”

“When you’re in relationships for a long time, you assume you know what someone is thinking and what they will say,” says Joy, “You stop checking in and don’t really know. You change and grow, and what you think you know, you don’t. So it’s important to be a life partner, not a life leech. It’s more than just hanging out.”

Communication is probably the number one thing Justin and Joy work on daily to keep their relationship successful.

“It’s all communication,” says Joy, “Not just in the relationship, but also checking in with yourself constantly, where you are emotionally.”

If you’re having a personal problem and your partner isn’t directly involved, Joy advises you check that and be sure not to take it out on them.

“That’s something that I’ve found very beneficial,” she says, “Taking care of me and loving me first. Not selfishly, but out of necessity. Self-care is so important. It’s the most useful tool i’ve found.”

But in addition to important conversations with each other and with themselves, there’s also their shared joy that keeps them thriving.

“We laugh a lot,” Justin says, “That’s been the biggest key in our relationship. We can be very silly with each other. We don’t have to hide from ourselves with each other. We can be equally strange, funny, quirky, sad, frustrated and angry. Those emotions are accepted and it allows the two of us to be who we are. We are 100% Justin and 100% Joy. We don’t try to change each other. We understand that even tho some of our habits drive each other crazy it helps us maintain who we are. She is my best friend. Yes, we have other best friends, but if you were to ask who my best friend is, that’s Joy. We share info, talk shit and laugh together, and all those things contribute to our healthy relationship.”

But in addition to communication and self-love, Justin found that vulnerability is also essential in maintaining a healthy relationship.

“It was something I was mostly comfortable with my whole life,” Justin says, “But the past five years or so, I’ve come to accept being vulnerable. With that comes growth. Growth comes out of uncomfortable. You allow yourself to grow, develop, be heard and improve. In our relationship and marriage we have a chance to be vulnerable with each other. Vulnerability removes the mask and allows real growth to develop.”

“I’ve also learned that relationships aren’t predictable,” Joy says, “Especially through marriage, no matter how good a couple you are, challenges will come your way. It’s about how you approach them, how you strategize, how you come together to face a challenge and go about them. You might freak out inside yourself first, but I think I’ve learned that we aren’t exempt from challenges and we just need to work together to conquer them.”

But at the end of the day, it’s not necessarily about knowing the tools, it’s about execution. Sure it’s easy to say relationships need communication, honesty and vulnerability, but then it’s important to put those things in motion.

“A good lesson is to let your ego go,” Justin says, “Especially males, we spend so much time trying to live to our ego. I was dealing with that when we dated in college. I was holding on to the idea of Justin, what I wanted to do and living up to that complex. Once I decided who I was and what I wanted, I realized I was relationship oriented. My ego wanted to be single and have no consequence. But the real Justin wanted companionship, a partner and friendship.”

But for any couple looking to develop healthy relationship habits from the jump, Justin and Joy have some very simple advice.

“First things first, you need to fall in love with who you are,” Justin says, “Before a relationship, know who you are. If you enter unsure of who you are, you’ll be constantly swimming in circles hoping your partner is the one who will make you whole. You have to make you whole first.”

Then, once you enter a relationship, figure out your goals for it. Even if you’re not ready to plan on marriage or kids, being on the same page immediately helps you guarantee you’re in alignment and that everyone is satisfied. It might seem strange, but at the end of the day it’s best not to waste each other’s time.

And ultimately, it all comes down to communication, whether that’s via podcast, in therapy or just the two of you at home alone at night. It’s easy to come home, turn on the TV, give your partner a kiss goodnight, wake up and repeat. But it’s better to talk, grow together and respect each other through a positive, healthy relationship.

Check out The Love Jays for more relatable relationship advice, and listen to their podcast here!