It’s no secret that we live in a world of stereotypes, labels and categorizations. As a gay black man from rural North Carolina, I had to overcome being called all kinds of names. Thank God for tough skin!

Shortly after college I landed a job in advertising in the Washington, D.C. area. I relocated in 2010, and became friends with a coworker. Fast forward a few months, she and I became great friends with someone who I will refer to as Mylie. Whenever I would hang out with Mylie, she would complain when I did not hold the door, offer my coat when she was cold or hold her purse when tried on clothes in the mall. Then she would make comments like, “Bradley you are not chivalrous at all.” This would irritate me so much. After discussing her behavior with her, there were apologies, but no change in behavior. What was most shocking to me was that the behavior that she had required of me was not what she looked for in a boyfriend or mate. This baffled me and ultimately led to the demise of our friendship.

Since then, I have struggled from time to time in other relationships with cisgender females due to my disregard for some of society’s expectations of how men should treat women. By no means am I saying that women don’t deserve the upmost respect and should be treated fairly. What I mean is that I want to be treated like a friend who happens to be gay, not your gay husband.

This means when we are together…

• I cannot hold your shopping bags and mine too.
• I will not always hold the door for you, I am forgetful…forgive me.
• I will not pay for your food everytime we hang out; the government owns me for the next 25 years thanks to student loans.
• I do not want to hold your purse, unless for some reason I need to borrow it.
• I pump my own gas, and you should too.
• I do not mind picking you up sometimes, but every time is just too much.

Friendship cannot stand on a foundation of unrealistic expectations. As a friend who happens to be gay, I will always listen to your cries, celebrate you when you rise, try to catch you if by chance you fall and help you pick out a killer outfit for any occasion…just don’t ask me to hold your purse.